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#Post#: 776--------------------------------------------------
Looking for Subjects (Science, not photography)
By: AnaphilosophicShock Date: October 9, 2024, 4:01 pm
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Greetings, fellow forum-dwellers! I come to you in both my time
of need and yours, to offer a fantastic opportunity for the
advancement of science!
I am an accomplished and professional scientist who adheres to
safety best practices who is seeking experimental subjects for a
new side project of mine (this is not to say this project is
unimportant - on the contrary!). Many of my current projects are
currently in the so-called "waiting stage" where we observe and
collect experimental results, so i am morally obligated to
devote my free time to furtherly advancing the cause of human
knowledge. Inspiration struck me just last night as I was
rewatching a most entertaining episode of Star Trek: Deep Space
Nine. In this episode, auspiciously aired exactly eight years
ago today*, our heroes encounter a scientist unjustly persecuted
by the soulless minions of orthodoxy for his groundbreaking
research: he intended to create a machine that would beam
high-quality entertainment directly into humanoid cells at the
subatomic level, in order to prevent cellular boredom. By these
means, he intended to become immortal.
I believe we now possess the technology to make this iconic
sci-fi experiment a reality. I have mostly completed my own
version of the Cellular Entertainment Machine and need only a
subject or group of subjects to test it on. High-energy bursts
carefully calibrated to be entertaining to your DNA will be
beamed directly into your body over the course of about 2-12
hours while you are safely ensconced in the contraption. The
lucky volunteers will be the first to experience the newest
frontier in medicine! Humanity will owe you, and me, a debt
beyond repaying (multiple in my case because I have done a lot
of science even before this). The potential benefits are
incalculable but I have certainly tried, and I can say with some
confidence that all side effects of this procedure will
certainly be positive.
Please note that this experiment is indeed 100% both legal and
ethical. Considering the benefits to science I believe there's
an argument to be made that participating in the experiment is
actually more legal and ethical than not doing so. Please think
carefully before not volunteering.
If you are interested (who wouldn't be?) please report to my
apartment immediately or at least by the end of this weekend. I
have a different project to do next week. I apologize for the
short notice; it is an unfortunate consequence of what can only
be described as luddism and the primitive superstitions of our
backwards era. I had a subject who assured me she would love to
experiment with me and even came to my apartment but apparently
got cold feet upon seeing the apparatus and being asked to enter
it for 2-12 hours. I am hopeful that you all are more
enlightened and would not cowardlyly shirk away from science in
action. And if you would: shame on you!
Also for those of you who do not know where my apartment is: I
have been informed repeatedly by an individual who will go
unnamed that I cannot post my address on the internet no matter
how inconvenient that is for gathering test subjects and no
matter how prodigious my aptitude in personal combat assuredly
is and also no matter the fact that I could undoubtedly rely on
the unnamed individual to act as a bodyguard whenever needed.
Therefore, I cannot tell you what address to report to, even
though this is an absurdity. However if you go to the student
center and carry a placard or a sign or nametag of some sort
that says "Experimental Subject" on it, I can collect you there.
Thank you my friends! With your help, science shall forever
remember this day!
* - This is a bit of poetic license. It aired on June 9, 1997.
However, I did not yet have this idea on June 9.
#Post#: 777--------------------------------------------------
Re: Looking for Subjects (Science, not photography)
By: 0bscura Date: October 9, 2024, 4:31 pm
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[font=trebuchet ms]are u planning to only take one week to cure
mortality? hmu if u get any takers, i wanna watch. i'll bring
chinese food[/font]
#Post#: 778--------------------------------------------------
Re: Looking for Subjects (Science, not photography)
By: p0indexter-c00l Date: October 9, 2024, 4:53 pm
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HA! As if you are capable of this level of ingenuinity! They
should take away your SCIENCE LICENSE as well as your POETIC
LICENSE!!!!! I bet you didn't even consider necroptosis and
cellular explosion!! Anyone would be a FOOL to enter your
machine, I daresay it is as foolhardy and ABSURD as anything
else you have ever created, AnaphilosophicShock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(
I think perspective subjects should wait in the student center
with a placard that says "ANAPHILOSOPHICSHOCK is a FOOL" and I
will pick them up for MY experiment and bring them to my
SUPERIOR apartment at MY school in the next town over. My
experiment will study the effect of multiparticle disintegration
beam on human appendages and anyone foolish enough to volunteer
for your experiment would surely be perfect subjects for mine.
"Positive" side effects are for the weak and MISGUIDED. SCIENCE
does not know limits or boundaries!!! With my science, I WILL
TAKE OVER THE WORLD. With your science, we might as well just
watch Star Trek, because that's right, your science? It's a
FICTION.
...Still on for our meeting the DS9 RP forum?
#Post#: 779--------------------------------------------------
Re: Looking for Subjects (Science, not photography)
By: dtwn4sty Date: October 9, 2024, 4:58 pm
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note to self: stay away from maine
#Post#: 780--------------------------------------------------
Re: Looking for Subjects (Science, not photography)
By: XxX_BUBBLEGUM_B1TCH_XxX Date: October 9, 2024, 5:42 pm
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rofl xD ur a riot!! if this woz NE ovva forum id fink u woz
trollin babes, but ur HILARIOUS bof of u x
note 2 self: visit maine xD
#Post#: 781--------------------------------------------------
Re: Looking for Subjects (Science, not photography)
By: p0indexter-c00l Date: October 9, 2024, 6:03 pm
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[quote author=XxX_BUBBLEGUM_B1TCH_XxX
link=topic=83.msg780#msg780 date=1728513730]
rofl xD ur a riot!! if this woz NE ovva forum id fink u woz
trollin babes, but ur HILARIOUS bof of u x
note 2 self: visit maine xD
[/quote]
:o omg a girl thinks I'm funny? I mean... OF COURSE I AM
HILARIOUS.
#Post#: 783--------------------------------------------------
Re: Looking for Subjects (Science, not photography)
By: XxX_BUBBLEGUM_B1TCH_XxX Date: October 9, 2024, 7:43 pm
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oh so ur assumin im a girl jus cuz i have "B1TCH" in my username
n a lesbian flag in my sig n a beautiful womans lips that i
found on the internet az my avatar n all my posts cum out in
purple 4 some reason idk y it happens?
fukd up.
#Post#: 794--------------------------------------------------
Re: Looking for Subjects (Science, not photography)
By: unconcernedmom69 Date: October 9, 2024, 9:08 pm
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[quote author=XxX_BUBBLEGUM_B1TCH_XxX
link=topic=83.msg783#msg783 date=1728521014]
oh so ur assumin im a girl jus cuz i have "B1TCH" in my username
n a lesbian flag in my sig n a beautiful womans lips that i
found on the internet az my avatar n all my posts cum out in
purple 4 some reason idk y it happens?
fukd up.
[/quote]
Hello Bubblegum <3 I also describe you as an attractive woman I
did bodyshots off of in my posts! Perhaps this pervy
"Poindexter" read that!
#Post#: 803--------------------------------------------------
Re: Looking for Subjects (Science, not photography)
By: bitingu92 Date: October 17, 2024, 10:27 am
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who are you working for, scientist? yall shouldnt trust these
ppl. could be a trick.
#Post#: 804--------------------------------------------------
Re: Looking for Subjects (Science, not photography)
By: 0bscura Date: October 17, 2024, 10:39 am
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[font=trebuchet ms]fortunately for society she only works for
herself and whatever inspiration that comes from the omniscience
fractal
whatever that shit means[/font]
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