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#Post#: 2273--------------------------------------------------
Randome thoughts that need to be expressed (will be updated many
times)
By: master malinko Date: March 19, 2012, 12:33 am
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sitting here with a pac on my lap one in my hand. Minds raceing
again. If its right to love then why does this feel like another
sin. I can't control my heart anymore so im always running in
fear. Theres so many voices i hear but none of them are clear.
Why is life so hard on me. Does the shit i go through the stuff
your god does not see. I try to make up for the pain but
everytime i do the effort seems to be in vain i wish i could
take a knife and slice my fucking vain.Honestly i seem to always
feel suicidal maybe its a good thing becuase at least im not
feeling homicidal anymore. Then gain i kill everyone i see in my
head i wish the world would burn so everyone else would be dead.
My family will be by my side forever tho. Clowns will always
roll together. I wont abandon them no never. My life would be
complely meaningless if they were gone. In this giant game i
just feel like a pawn. I never wanna go home because i always
feel alone. With my brother tho im always in a diffrent zone. We
space out but were always with one another. Even in our dreams
were a fucking team and like fucking starts we beam. I cry every
night were apart and i always keep him in my heart. We hated
each other in the begging but that all changed now were like the
closet of family. Bloods thicker then water but we dont care
were closer to each other then anyone can even see. Mess with
him and bitch youll have to deal with me. Then theres her. A
beautiful girl. Since day one she was in my thoughts. I had a
chance but screwed around and missed it now every day regret it.
I still see her every chance i get. I cant hold her in my arms
anymore tho because i got someone else. Sometimes i wish she was
her but i love the one i got and this is why my minds always
going crazy while my hearts always breaking. The smiles she sees
tho are always the ones im fakeing. My heart slowly it seems she
is takeing. Is it really a mistake to feel like this? Some one
tell me if its ok or not. I cant shake this thought. She told me
that if i have a girl i should just get over her but i cant
becuase it would kill me tho it seems love is doing that slowly.
Times is consuming my soul leaveing i giant black hole where my
heart should be. I wish i could just walk away from it all but i
cant cuz thats not my call. I would just run away but id have my
bro showing up the very next day. It dosnt matter where i go
somehow he will show. I love him for it tho because i doubt i
could get that from anyone else. I would trust him with my life
and hell i would trust him with my girls life to and thats not
something i would normally do. My hearts shattering into a
million peices and yet he can make me smile. Most of the time it
seems like were standing back to back takeing on the world alone
like everyone we call is to busy to answer the phone. Everyone
looks at me weird cuz i have a violent tone. There the reason im
so fucking pissed off tho dont you get it? Im not trying to be
cool. I dont need your support becuase i got my brother. Hell
for that matter i got every juggalo out there to support me. You
say i need to do better in school fuck that becuase im already
doing the best i can. Not my fault my teachers discriminate now
homies this is something i know to which you can relate. The
world is the ones that put me into this crazy psycopathic mental
state. This is not something we need to debate. They knows i
true through and through. And its not just me so i know its
nothing new to them. I hate the enviroment in which i was
placed. It makes me go crazyer everytime i am there and all i
ever wanna be is right here.
#Post#: 2274--------------------------------------------------
Re: Randome thoughts that need to be expressed (will be updated
many times)
By: master malinko Date: April 12, 2012, 5:11 pm
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So shes finaaly gone. Was i wrong to let her go? Mo i dont think
so. I mean sure i loved her hell i still do but you know what
bitch fuck you. Im through with your shit all the figting and
pain. I guess all my hardwork was in vain. Now im done im
already insane. I get accepted for me now i dont gotta change
nowi dont gotta rearange who i am. I bet your sad you lost
mearnt you. But what the fuck is a twizted serial killer to do?
#Post#: 2275--------------------------------------------------
Re: Randome thoughts that need to be expressed (will be updated
many times)
By: master malinko Date: April 12, 2012, 5:12 pm
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Stress relief let it all out dont care if i get major beef. What
happened? I thought you loved me. I thought you were gonna come
see me. Fuck it go off to cali see if i care i wont be chaseing
after you. I bet thats what you want me to do. Ill just stay
here with my family. At least i know these people really love
me. Bitch you want me to stay yet you keep pushing me away. So
fuck it im done with all of it. Im ready to put pen to paper and
tell you to fuck off and i promise you this time i wont be soft.
Im tired of your bitvh ass if your gonna leave just let me go
stop playing with my heart if it even exists anymore.
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