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#Post#: 3186--------------------------------------------------
Re: doodly lama
By: The Dudely Lama Date: March 5, 2019, 4:02 pm
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dinks, i understand. i became a therapist seeking my own
salvation. i hid my depression behind a mask of popularity,
public performances, and parties... i was the life of the
party but in truth, “i” was never truly in attendance. i
learned through necessity to be the consumate social chameleon,
mastering subtle manipulation of others way too young and until
only recently discovered that ive had the key to unlock my
perfect little prison all along. the kicker is that ive always
known i had the key, but i kept it hidden in fear. me...
afraid... i run into burning fucking buildings and pull kids
in wheelchairs out yet i was afraid that somebody would see the
depth of the darkness that balances out the light i allow to
show. balance is: im a whole lot of light and a little bit
asshole? not! theres just as much asshole as there is good
guy, thats balance. im good with this because i get to choose
between the two “most of the time” thats part of what im
working on... so i figure i cant be a perfectly hidden
depressive if im not hiding it. so i changed the game... i
told you. i told kernal, another good friend of mine that ive
travelled festivals with, and the few souls i trust to at least
try to understand. its ok if you dont... funny thing is that
since i changed the rules, i expected things to shift but
nothing really changed... and today talking to you about your
issue made me realize im free. im finally fucking free! if
this only lasts moments i dont care, im free of having to
explain... free of needing permission... free to cry or laugh
as i feel... i was waiting for something thats over and the
rest is beyond my control... it isnt up to me from here on
out... wow! nope, im leaving this here...
#Post#: 3191--------------------------------------------------
Re: doodly lama
By: AJ Date: March 5, 2019, 6:10 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I think you've got it all together Dudely...Sounds like it
anyway. Few get the chances you're getting right now. The
irresponsible thing would be to NOT go for it. Thing is, you've
earned these avenues that have opened up for you. Sounds like
you've got the Missus firmly in your camp as well. that counts
for, well everything.
I'm excited for you!
#Post#: 3203--------------------------------------------------
Re: doodly lama
By: The Dudely Lama Date: March 6, 2019, 12:29 am
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thanks brother, one foot in front of the other...
#Post#: 3208--------------------------------------------------
Re: doodly lama
By: dinkleburg Date: March 6, 2019, 6:43 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=The Dudely Lama link=topic=321.msg3186#msg3186
date=1551823330]
dinks, i understand. i became a therapist seeking my own
salvation. i hid my depression behind a mask of popularity,
public performances, and parties... i was the life of the
party but in truth, “i” was never truly in attendance. i
learned through necessity to be the consumate social chameleon,
mastering subtle manipulation of others way too young and until
only recently discovered that ive had the key to unlock my
perfect little prison all along. the kicker is that ive always
known i had the key, but i kept it hidden in fear. me...
afraid... i run into burning fucking buildings and pull kids
in wheelchairs out yet i was afraid that somebody would see the
depth of the darkness that balances out the light i allow to
show. balance is: im a whole lot of light and a little bit
asshole? not! theres just as much asshole as there is good
guy, thats balance. im good with this because i get to choose
between the two “most of the time” thats part of what im
working on... so i figure i cant be a perfectly hidden
depressive if im not hiding it. so i changed the game... i
told you. i told kernal, another good friend of mine that ive
travelled festivals with, and the few souls i trust to at least
try to understand. its ok if you dont... funny thing is that
since i changed the rules, i expected things to shift but
nothing really changed... and today talking to you about your
issue made me realize im free. im finally fucking free! if
this only lasts moments i dont care, im free of having to
explain... free of needing permission... free to cry or laugh
as i feel... i was waiting for something thats over and the
rest is beyond my control... it isnt up to me from here on
out... wow! nope, im leaving this here...
[/quote]
Thanks for understanding, man. :)
I'm glad you have found a philosophy that brings you freedom and
peace.
I'm still searching, but gaining albeit small, but helpful
insights along the way.
#Post#: 3218--------------------------------------------------
Re: doodly lama
By: The Dudely Lama Date: March 7, 2019, 8:32 am
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onward through the fog!
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