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#Post#: 12980--------------------------------------------------
Characters' Journals
By: doomlord Date: May 6, 2013, 2:35 am
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In an attempt to hone my writing skills, I decided to write a
journal of some sort for characters of the story, detailing
events from their perspective. Seeing how I am new and
inexperienced, I would like to hear all of your feedback and
criticism regarding my work. Read and enjoy.
Phodom's journal - part 1:
[spoiler]...I departed Dalli soon afterwards. Grief, pain,
vengeance and emptiness are all that is left inside me. I cursed
my cruel fate. Why did it have to take everything away from me
so abruptly? I had buried all my hope and happiness under the
soil of Dalli. The moment I placed Birgitta's necklace on her
coffin, something inside me broke into pieces. Our life is
supposed to be free of all violence and death. Birgitta and me
are supposed to live and see our sons grow up and become strong,
responsible men. Why did everything end up this way?
I strode forward like a mad man, trying to get as far away from
my home as I can. I did not dare to look back for fear of
memories consuming my mind in an instant. Inside me was a
chaotic mess of emotions shielded by the thirst for revenge
outside. For one moment I thought of ending my own life, joining
my wife and sons in the afterlife. We would then be happy
together for all eternity. However, I quickly decided against
that. I must live on to avenge my family. The Black Hooded Man
must be slain![/spoiler]
#Post#: 12982--------------------------------------------------
Re: Characters' Journals
By: Aeroblyctos Date: May 6, 2013, 4:21 am
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Not much to say. I guess it's ok.
#Post#: 12983--------------------------------------------------
Re: Characters' Journals
By: doomlord Date: May 6, 2013, 4:25 am
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[quote author=Aeroblyctos link=topic=1395.msg12982#msg12982
date=1367832083]
Not much to say. I guess it's ok.
[/quote]
How does the passage make you feel?
#Post#: 12984--------------------------------------------------
Re: Characters' Journals
By: Jaelbird Date: May 6, 2013, 11:31 am
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K lemme just profile this thing first... Don't mind the spoiler,
it's just my notes, skip to the next paragraph.
[spoiler]...L?hdin Dallista pian sen j?lkeen. Suru, tuska, kosto
ja tyhjyys ovat kaikki mit? sis?ll?in on j?ljell?. Kirosin
julmaa kohtaloain. Miksi sen piti ottaa minulta kaiken pois niin
nopeasti? Olin haudannut kaiken toivoni ja iloni Dallin
maaper??n. Hetken? jolloin asetin Birgitan kaulakorun h?nen
arkkuunsa, jokin sis?ll?ni hajosi palasiksi. El?m?mme on
tarkoitus olla vapaa v?kivallasta ja kuolemasta. Birgitan ja
minun oli tarkoitus el?? n?hd?ksemme poikiemme kasvavan
vahvoiksi, vastuuntuntoisiksi miehiksi. Miksi kaikki k??ntyi
n?in p?in?
Harpoin eteenp?in kuin mielipuoli, yritt?en p??st?
mahdollisimman kauaksi kotoain kuin vain mahdollista. En
kehdannut katsoa taakseni pelosta, ett? muistot t?ytt?isiv?t
mieleni hetkess?. Sis?ll?ni oli kaoottinen tunteiden sekasotku
jota suojeli ulkoinen kostonjano. Yhden hetken ajattelin
p??tt?v?in oman el?m?ni, liittyen vaimoni ja poikieni seuraan
tuonpuoleiseen. Olisimme siten onnellisia yhdess? ainiaan.
P??tin kuitenkin nopeasti sit? vastaan. Minun t?ytyy el??
kostaakseni perheeni puolesta. Mustahuppuinen mies on
surmattava![/spoiler]
Right, so, what's new in here compared to the miasma that Aero
is already narrating on chapter 1? When I play TCO and when I
read this, the main message is always the "revenge". There is
one thing however, that caught my attention here:
[quote]I had buried all my hope and happiness under the soil of
Dalli. The moment I placed Birgitta's necklace on her coffin,
something inside me broke into pieces.[/quote]
Did Phodom actually bury his family? Or did you just add new
content to Aero's story? If he had done that, it would've had to
happen in chapter 1. But I don't remember such thing happening.
You might think that because Phodom is a human, he's forced to
bury the dead of his ilk, but there's no-one to bury those
bandits on that same chapter either, are there? Aero could well
stand out and make Phodom stuff his family to make them not look
like dead, maybe because he got insane or something.
So... #inb4addingnewcontent. Otherwise I guess it's cool.
#Post#: 13100--------------------------------------------------
Re: Characters' Journals
By: Aeroblyctos Date: May 22, 2013, 2:11 am
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Jaelbird here has a good point. But I still believe Doomlord did
a good job writing this stuff.
I don't want to intervene as I have seen in the past it just
doesn't work. Better just let the player imagine what the hell
he wants what happened between.
#Post#: 13177--------------------------------------------------
Re: Characters' Journals
By: doomlord Date: May 25, 2013, 7:33 pm
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Hey there guys. Thanks for the encouraging feedback. About the
burial thing I indeed went ahead and added some dramatic
contents on my own without Aero's consent.
Anyway I am a bit bored so I wrote this little piece of joke:
Phodom's letter to Princess Celestia (from My Little Pony). Hope
you will enjoy it :)
[spoiler]Dear Princess Celestia,
I learned nothing about friendship this week. In fact, my
presumed friend, Fradz, got in trouble with the ladies because
he failed to control his inner desires and we had to run away
from pitchfork-wielding fathers. My new shiny armor got
scratched in the ensuing chaos and I had to pay up to polish it
afterwards. Worse, Fradz casted the wrong spell and he went all
lightning instead of going invisible, causing nearby houses to
burn down to the ground. If you want to send somebody to the
moon, it should be him.
I must go now. I need to bash some monsters' skulls in and pay
for the repair of the burnt houses.
Your faithful Dragon Slayer,
Phodom[/spoiler]
#Post#: 13184--------------------------------------------------
Re: Characters' Journals
By: Shinokyofu Date: May 26, 2013, 8:26 am
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[quote author=Doomlord link=topic=1395.msg13177#msg13177
date=1369528429]
Hey there guys. Thanks for the encouraging feedback. About the
burial thing I indeed went ahead and added some dramatic
contents on my own without Aero's consent.
Anyway I am a bit bored so I wrote this little piece of joke:
Phodom's letter to Princess Celestia (from My Little Pony). Hope
you will enjoy it :)
[spoiler]Dear Princess Celestia,
I learned nothing about friendship this week. In fact, my
presumed friend, Fradz, got in trouble with the ladies because
he failed to control his inner desires and we had to run away
from pitchfork-wielding fathers. My new shiny armor got
scratched in the ensuing chaos and I had to pay up to polish it
afterwards. Worse, Fradz casted the wrong spell and he went all
lightning instead of going invisible, causing nearby houses to
burn down to the ground. If you want to send somebody to the
moon, it should be him.
I must go now. I need to bash some monsters' skulls in and pay
for the repair of the burnt houses.
Your faithful Dragon Slayer,
Phodom[/spoiler]
[/quote]
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Funny, chaotic, DEADLY. Well, in my opinion it was like this:
Start: ??? :P :o :D ;D
Middle: ;D :P ;D [-)
End: ;D :) ??? ::)
So the start was the best part.
Ah, and I may ask now before it's too late. Why My Little Pony?
#Post#: 13185--------------------------------------------------
Re: Characters' Journals
By: doomlord Date: May 26, 2013, 8:37 am
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It is because of the lulz. No joke.
Crossover between badass Dragon Slayer RPG and a show with
Friendship is Magic in the title cannot go wrong regardless of
the situation.
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