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#Post#: 46--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thesis statements, topic sentences and supporting sentences
DIR By: NicoleMontgomery
Date: November 8, 2012, 5:30 pm
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Nathalie, here is the feedback to your Informative Text.
I have read your text and mostly everything seems to be perfect,
except for some spelling errors, which won't be hard to fix. It
is really good that you have managed to stay on topic and
display the information in a clear yet entertaining way. You
have included a lot of details which keep the reader "hooked"
and make him/her want to stay tuned until the end. Also, your
informative paragraph contains all of the aspects that this type
of text should have; it avoids repetition, develops the subject
in a clear way without staying off topic, and most importantly
it is informing the public on something. "What is a Healthy
Diet? Why is it Good to Keep a Healthy Diet?" All in all, you
did a magnificent job!
Nicole Montgomery Y8WR
#Post#: 47--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thesis statements, topic sentences and supporting sentences
DIR By: nathalie heller
Date: November 8, 2012, 5:30 pm
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Hello Nicole, I have read your persuasive paragraph and I think
it is written in a very clear way. You understood well what
persuasive writing is and you put supporting details. I think
that it is great the topic that you chose but, as reading has
many advantages, you included only a few. It could have been
better if you could include other advantages that do not have
anything to do with knoledge. You did however include that when
you read, you can get into the situation and feel it and I think
this is very persuasive. The text is well written but I do not
think that your ending was the best, it was not as much as a
finishing sentence. Your spelling is very good and this is a
very good piece of writing. For me, this would be a seven.
Nathalie Heller Year 8WR
#Post#: 49--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thesis statements, topic sentences and supporting sentences
DIR By: chumu10
Date: November 8, 2012, 5:54 pm
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Wearing Full school Uniform is uncomfortable.
You need to use your full school uniform. Although it is
unconformable for some people it represents your school. First
of all,
I you have guests from other schools you have to be very elegant
because they may think that you do not care about your school.
However, when you play sports it bothers you. You feel like you
cannot run freely, like you do when you wear a p.e kit. You also
feel tight in your neck because the fabric used to sew the shirt
is not soft. Also, the material of the shirt makes you feel hot
when the sun is bright. In Bogota, we have a mixture of days
when you go from cloudy and chilly to warm and sometimes hot
days.
There is another bad thing about the full school uniform that is
the tie. When you are running the tie goes up to your face and
covers your eyes. Therefore, you cannot see properly. That can
eventually cause an accident and you need top go to the hospital
and probably you will die .
Finally, one of the worst things are the bottoms. You have to
bottom up to the top of your shirt otherwise you will be sent to
detention.
Please let us use p.e kit every day of the week because it more
comfortable than having a full school uniform. P.e uniform
makes you run happily and you can do better at school.
Therefore. you can learn more, you want to wake up early and go
to school and enjoy life.
Dear student
First of all, I would like to know who you are (name).
This is a very complete writing, which actually does not look
like a plan. You might have posted in the wrong place. Please
revise the word "bottom" because you might be referring to
something else.
Katya
#Post#: 53--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thesis statements, topic sentences and supporting sentences
DIR By: katalina.lopez
Date: November 8, 2012, 7:00 pm
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Reasons why you should stand for yourself
You should always stand for yourself in order to earn respect
from others and demonstrate self-esteem. If one shows weakness
others might take advantage of that and use it to hurt you. It
is important for one to stand for what they believe and be
strong when facing adversity. One of the reasons why you should
stand for yourself is to avoid being bullied by others. It’s
also important to stand for yourself to avoid being influence by
others in a negative way. Another reason why you should stand
for yourself is to show courage and character. in my opinion,
standing for yourself requires inner-courage, strong believes
and self-respect.
Dear Katalina
This is a very good plan. You cleary discussed these ideas in
the paragraphs.
Well-done!
Katya
#Post#: 54--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thesis statements, topic sentences and supporting sentences
DIR By: Juan Ignacio
Date: November 8, 2012, 8:03 pm
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Dear Angi,
I read your post for planning your persuasive piece of writing
and I think it is very well done, it is clear and coherent. You
have also constructed your plan very well, you have a thesis
statement, a topic sentence and supporting details. I think you
should add just a few more detail; perhaps another reason or a
bit further information on the ones you stated. your sentences
are very well structured. you used a range of high vocabulary
words in your plan. I think that the topic you chose is a really
interesting and you managed to persuade me. There are just a few
grammar mistakes.
Very well done Angi!!! :D
#Post#: 65--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thesis statements, topic sentences and supporting sentences
DIR By: lukascote
Date: November 12, 2012, 5:40 pm
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I really liked your paragraph about sports and I agree with the
reasons that you have provided. For me sport is helping me to
be healthier and I learn new skills that allow me to be more of
a team player. Well done. ;) Lukas.#
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