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       #Post#: 38--------------------------------------------------
       I Don't Want to Do Italian Right Now
       By: Pooface Date: February 28, 2011, 8:54 pm
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       This is totally inspired by the fact that Firer is having me
       play Eternal Darkness, and it makes me curse like a sailor.
       You'll see what I mean. (Example: Just today I fought this one
       mini boss which, after you damage it, flies around the room as a
       green sparkly orb, and you can't hurt it until it lands again.
       The whole time it was in the air I'd be following it with my
       shotgun going "Come here you fucker. Where are you going? What
       the fuck do you think you're doing? Don't be such a bitch!"
       Etc.)
       I see this as a series of stories, in the genre of cosmic
       horror/comedy, like John Dies at the End. But unlike that book,
       which took the horror elements fairly seriously and featured a
       protagonist who was both an unreliable narrator and an admitted
       sociopath, mine will take a very different tack.
       So the idea is, this one is also told through first-person
       narration. The difference is that this guy is an absolute
       dickhead. He's repulsive and vile. Think Carl from Aqua Teen but
       times ten. I haven't thought of a name for him yet. The idea is
       that he, for whatever reason (which might be elaborated on later
       in the stories, but isn't important at this point) is brought
       into contact with forces from beyond our world. They're fairly
       standard, Lovecraftian cosmic horrors that drive most men mad at
       the mere sight of them. But this guy is so stupid and such a
       dick that when he sees the first creature and hears it shriek,
       instead of falling to the floor and babbling incoherently, he
       goes "The fuck is this shit? Get the fuck outta my house" and
       beats the shit out of it with a crowbar.
       He encounters more, and eventually is pulled to their source,
       probably some sort of alternate dimension, but the whole time,
       this guy, when he isn't trying to find his way back "in time for
       the game", is just beating the shit out of every creature he
       comes across.
       Bottom line: Our reality is besieged by forces of madness and
       chaos that are on the verge of ripping it apart at the seams,
       and the only thing standing in their way is ___ (Gimme
       suggestions for the name) and a crowbar.
       Those motherfuckers are so fucking fucked it isn't even funny.
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