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#Post#: 27--------------------------------------------------
The hang over fairy
By: bening97 Date: January 2, 2011, 2:44 pm
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The hangover fairy
So where do hangovers come from?
Done in the style of the office
Starts with a bunch of guys who wake up in their house. Three of
them are lying around the living room with obvious evidence of
party the night before. Solo cups are strewn across the family
room, the furniture in odd positions, and an empty pizza box
lying open across the coffee table.
One of the boys wakes up and rubs his eyes
“fuck, what happened last night”
Camera Swings to man with microphone
Hangovers. Everyone who’s had a little too much to drink is
familiar with the splitting head ache and lingering naseua that
comes the day after a night of drinking. We’ve all accepted this
as a consequence of heavy drinking, but what causes this post
party dispaire? For years science has led us to believe that
dehydration and an over-stimulated liver caused the dreaded hang
over, but recent developments and further investigation points
to one man, now fairy, as the sole cause of many miserable
mornings: Leo Jones.
Cut to Leo:
Hangovers are my specialty
Cut back to newscaster:
That’s right, one man, now magical creature, is to blame for all
the drinking drearies.
Cut to Leo:
Yeah, I was instated to the fairy council back in 1927. But I’d
been workin hangover since 22’ when my cousin Theo gave me a
call one night.
Cut to Theo (aka sandman):
Santa claus thinks he’s got it rough, psht. He gets all the
credit for delivering presents to all the children of the world
in one night. What people fail to realize is that I have to
visit every person on earth EVERY night. People gotta sleep, and
they can’t do it without me.
Cut to sprinkling sand into some people’s eyes
Cut to Theo: the roarin’ 20’s weren’t a good time to me. The
economy was boomin and people were partying like crazy. It was
hell trying to track down those drunk flappers every night. If I
didn’t put them to sleep, they probably would have burn done
entire cities.
Cut to a weird place to find someone and theo struggling to get
them: Person climbing up a flagpole with theo looking up at the
camera “how the fuck am I suppose to get up there?”
Cut to Theo:
It was getting out of hand, so one night I called Leo up and
asked him to do me a favor. Ya’ know, rough up the drunks a
little bit and maybe they wouldn’t drink so much the next time.
Made my life a whole lot easier
Nescaster: so you’re saying there weren’t any hangovers before
1922?
Theo: None like what we got now
Cut: to Leo hitting someone with a bat
Cut to Leo interview:
newscaster: so what was in it for you?
Leo: Well, Theo knew I was dealing with a lot of anger issues,
so this was a really good outlet for me.
Cut to the same person leo was hitting, he flips them over and
takes their wallet
Leo: and ya know, it paid well too.
Cut to newscaster and Leo:
Newscaster: So you’re now an official fairy? Joining the ranks
of your cousin, the sandman, tinkerbell, and even the tooth
fairy.
Leo: Wings and everything man, haha!
Cut to tooth fairy: I was a fierce opponent of that goons
instatement, but being a prominent member of the temperance
movement, I couldn’t disagree with his results. I had no other
choice
Cut to the guy jack was hitting with the bat, sitting up saying:
“ugh, I will NEVER drink again”
Cut to Leo and Newscaster: Does this mean that you don’t drink?
Leo: Psht, I do my best work when I’m hammered.
Cut to Leo with some other drunk person: “Hey theo watch this”
(whips out his weiner and starts peeing) “this dumb ass is gonna
think he pissed himself hahahaha”
Cut Theo: I love watching him work, he’s made it into an art
form
Montage of Leo Smacking people and doing terrible things to the
tune of swan lake.
Guys in the first room wake up
What happened last night? Ugh, my face hurts. – is this? Is this
grape jelly? Why does my mouth taste so bad?
Show Leo squatting over the sleeping kid with his mouth open
Leo: dutch-ovening the mouth haha, classic.
(I kind of ran out of gas here, but you get the picture)
Newscaster closing remarks
I guess we all have to ask ourselves, is partying too hard worth
a visit from Leo Jones? Tune in next week to “Now You Know” for
our special on the herding patterns of nerds.
p.s. I like the idea of us having an informative show called
"Now You Know"
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