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#Post#: 17--------------------------------------------------
First Draft of my Pilot
By: mimirobinson Date: June 11, 2018, 9:39 am
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this is the earliest draft of my Pilot - the show centers around
the shit and shenanigans of a small town community theatre in
Cape Cod, down on its luck and off-the beaten tourist path.
I've made some edits since this first draft, but am now really
delving into rewrites. Thought I'd send the first iteration that
I wrote over Christmas break - seriously, it's rough, and I
don't really know who these people are quite yet, but PLEASE
send me all feedback you have!
#Post#: 20--------------------------------------------------
Re: First Draft of my Pilot
By: Kate Doughty Date: June 17, 2018, 3:15 pm
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Such a great idea :) Would be a really cool series!
#Post#: 22--------------------------------------------------
Re: First Draft of my Pilot
By: akollevoll Date: June 20, 2018, 12:37 am
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Hi Mimi,
Enjoyed reading this. I'm attaching my annotated copy of the
script so you can get some stream-of-consciousness thoughts. I
also attached my notes on the script and on sitcom
formatting/conventions.
Thanks for sharing!
Annelise
#Post#: 24--------------------------------------------------
Re: First Draft of my Pilot
By: monaghanjk@comcast.net Date: June 21, 2018, 12:37 pm
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Hi Mimi - You've obviously spent some time in community
theaters! This is a funny, fast-paced opening that puts us
squarely into the environment and many of the typical
personalities who populate this art form. Way to go!
#Post#: 31--------------------------------------------------
Re: First Draft of my Pilot
By: christinemclennan Date: June 25, 2018, 12:04 pm
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Really enjoyed reading this, Mimi. The montage sequences were in
the words of Dave Dalton, very effective. One small note would
be to reorder the Oh my God fire sequence with the fire escape
being the last in the sequence to make the progression more
comedic/climactic. I think there are a few other moments where
you can further heighten the comedy--for instance, the guy who
buys the new shoes might try to find out if he can return them,
sell them to someone else who is auditioning, maybe we find out
he also bought new tap/ballet/ballroom shoes as well etc.
Excited to see where this goes!
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