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#Post#: 708--------------------------------------------------
Confession
By: GGJ5 Date: June 12, 2013, 3:41 pm
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[quote]222cucumbergirl said: Regression: The muse takes on more
childish behaviors, addressing problems in a less mature manner
as a way of coping. The muse may become clingy, obstinate, or
overly demanding when faced with problems.[/quote]
Stepping out of the elevator with her food, Erin walked down the
corridor to the courtyard outside. There weren’t many bonuses to
having her dad work at the school, but one was that sometimes he
was nice enough to bring her good food. Today, he’d ordered her
favorite Chinese takeout for her, something she’d never get at
the school cafeteria. It smelled so good….
She peeked down at the little white takeout box, popping the lid
open as she walked down the hall. Still heading outside, Erin
peered into the box, letting the warm steam from the rice hit
her face, and the smell of the spices reach her nose. Mmm… it
smells so— “Ahh!” She’d thumped into someone else, someone who
had been going pretty quickly herself, and they both crashed.
The other person had let out a squeal, too, and before Erin even
saw her, she knew it was a girl— a girl with an incredibly
high-pitched voice whenever she squealed. But her attention was
more on her spilled lunch than whoever she hit. It was
everywhere— all over Erin’s clothes, all over her shoes, on the
floor…. and of course, it was rice, and chicken, and lots of
sauce…. Pouting over the loss of the lunch she’d looked forward
to so much, Erin swore bitterly, kicking the spilled food
together into a pile. “That was my favorite,” she whined,
thinking about how she’d probably have to settle for something
from the cafeteria, like Salisbury steak or something.
“I— I’m— I’m so sorry, Erin!”
The voice drew Erin’s eyes up immediately, and they landed on
none other than Amane. She was covering her mouth with her
hands, sitting like she was frozen there on the floor. “I’m so—
so— sorry!”
Amane did it— she’d run into Erin and made her ruin her favorite
Chinese takeout, after all that other stuff she did! Wasn’t
scaring Yukito to death enough? Now she had to ruin Erin’s
lunch, too? “You should be sorry,” she retorted, sending a glare
to Amane. “You ruined my lunch! And my friendship with Yukito!”
She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes to keep from
letting Amane see her suddenly crying. Why did she suddenly want
to cry? Because Amane did it! Amane made it happen. She made me
angry, so Yukito hates me, and Corzen left me and took her side,
and she terrified Yukito, too, and it was all because of her!
And now she went and ruined my lunch! She likes to ruin
everything! And I’m sick of having to act like it’s all okay,
and that I’m not furious with her!
“E-Erin! Please! I didn’t— I didn’t mean—”
She didn’t turn to look at her. Instead, Erin crossed her arms,
sending an icy glare to the lockers across the hallway. That
way, she could look mean instead of weepy in front of Amane.
Amane could be the weepy one today. Erin wouldn’t be. She’d be
mean, just like Corzen and Reese and Yukito had all made her
feel. “Shut up, Amane! Stop it! Just stop it….” The tone in her
voice melted from fierce to forlorn in a sentence’s time. “Stop
doing that….”
“What— What do you mean? What am I doing? I— I don’t
understand…”
Erin still wouldn’t look at Amane, but she could hear the tears
in the girl’s voice. Oh, great, I’ve upset her again, and I’ll
have to hear all about how I’m such a horrible person for
upsetting precious little Amane… She wrinkled her nose and
leaned against the hallway wall in a pout. “Stop messing with
everything nice I have…. Yukito used to be my friend, you know.
He really did used to be my friend. That’s why when he felt
scared when things first started happening, with your letters
and all.. we didn’t know it was you. It could have been anyone…
when he first felt scared about it, I wanted to protect him from
it. I didn’t want him to be scared anymore.
“And when I found out it was you… I got scared. Not because
you’re scary, but because now I knew it was a person. A real,
living person, and not some random gray-face… it just felt so
much more real… And then I knew who to tell off, even if it was
too late, even if Yukito said he was ‘dealing with it,’ and so…”
She gestured with one hand sharply, like that explained
everything for her. “I just…. thought I was helping him…
protecting him….”
Erin felt the heat in her face from embarrassment, from the
vulnerability of confessing what she now was sure was a wrong.
She’d wronged Yukito far more than helping him, in her eagerness
to protect him and in her stupid sense of jealousy. Chevy had
been right about that— she really did lash out at anyone who
gave Yukito too much attention. She didn’t want to acknowledge
it, though, and it’d made everything worse.
How did she always make everything worse?
“And I really wanted to eat that orange chicken,” she added
lamely, still pouting, painfully aware of how childish she
sounded. I guess I am just a delusional little girl, like Chevy
said…
In spite of herself, Erin couldn’t help but look over at Amane—
she was making these heartbreaking sounds, these super sad
crying sounds, there on the floor, face covered now, instead of
just her mouth. A little tsunami of guilt smashed against Erin’s
heart. “Oh, Amane, don’t,” she begged, not wanting to go through
this again… She hated knowing she made people miserable, even if
it was Amane.
“How— how could I not?!” Amane cried, uncovering her face to
send Erin a teary-eyed glower, but one mixed with enough hurt
that it didn’t burn. Just pushed Erin in the gut instead. “You
said yourself that— that I’m a person! You don’t—” She choked on
a sob. “You don’t treat a person that way!”
Erin shut her eyes tightly, smashing the heels of her palms
against her temples, trying her very best not to break down or
freak out right now. “I know!” she finally blurted. “I know! I
didn’t know what I was supposed to feel or what I was supposed
to do! I was trying to be too protective, too supportive, too
everything he didn’t need or want from me, and I was confused
and angry and—” She stopped before the word ‘jealous’ slipped
out. Erin still couldn’t admit to that one, at least aloud. “And
I have this incredibly awful talent for saying the worst things
in the worst ways at the worst times….”
She let her hands drop and again looked over at Amane, who was
still on the floor, and still crying. But she wasn’t sobbing, so
that had to be improvement. “You hurt me, too,” she said
quietly. “When you said I’d abandoned him, that I didn’t care
about him. Amane… I said all those stupid things because I care
about him too much… I know I shouldn’t, but I do.” She
swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump that had appeared in her
throat. “I’m… I’m sorry. About the whole thing. I really am.”
Amane sniffled a little, wiping her cheeks with the back of her
hand. She didn’t quite look at Erin, but more off to the side.
“I… I believe you,” she said after a moment, her voice much
quieter than Erin’s own, so much so that she had to question
whether Amane actually spoke that or not. She moved a little
closer.
“You believe me?” She couldn’t hide the tone of surprise in her
voice. “Th— thank you…”
Amane gave a little nod. “Of course I do… and… and I think I can
forgive you. I know what it’s like to care too much…”
Her honest answer gave Erin a little more confidence, despite
how horribly uncomfortable this situation was making her feel.
If Amane could be so real about her feelings, then Erin could
be, too. “I… I didn’t actually mean to upset you or scare you or
anything… I just got really wrapped up in it all, and I couldn’t
stop—”
“Erin… it’s— it’s okay. I’m forgiving you… really.” A little
smile twitched at the corners of Amane’s lips. “I’m… I’m sorry,
too.. for saying things that hurt you… and for spilling your
lunch…” Her voice sounded so sad, like someone had just stolen
her puppy or something. Amane’s eyes rested on the messy pile of
rice and chicken on the floor. “I— I can clean it up—”
“No, that was my fault, too,” Erin interrupted. “I wasn’t
looking. I got it. Don’t… don’t worry about it, okay?” Getting
down on her knees, Erin scooped up some of the pile into her
hands and dumped it in a nearby trashcan. “I mean, they clean up
the halls at the end of the day, anyway. It’s certainly not the
dirtiest thing the floor’s ever seen.”
Amane cracked a little smile. “Yeah… you’re probably right. Are—
Are you sure you don’t need any help, though? I feel bad for—”
“No, it’s fine. Really. Don’t let it bother you anymore.” And
she hoped that this time, Erin would take her own advice.
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