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#Post#: 465--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Natatorium
By: Mascii Date: May 6, 2013, 1:44 am
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Yukito Ramsey
At last, he was able to step into the water. The initial entry
was the strange part, he hoped. Once he was enveloped completely
beneath the surface, he felt a bit better, and sent Erin a small
smile to let her know that he was doing alright. She didn't need
to worry. If she could just be patient with him for just a bit
longer...he could get through it.
He sent her a sidelong glance, turning his face away from her as
he flushed crimson once again. If his face got any warmer, and
if he placed it in the water, would it start to boil around him,
he wondered? “That suit is nice.” He managed to say it, quietly.
Half-hoping she hadn't heard it. But the echoing walls just
emphasized his words a little more, and she let out a confused,
"Huh?" Taking a moment to register what he had said, she let out
a little giggle.
"Oh, thanks! I just heard 'suit' and thought you were talking
about, you know, a tie and jacket type suit... and it was
confusing for, like, two seconds."
Yukito pointedly didn't look her way again, moving his arms
slowly through the water. Of course she got confused, when it's
me that's trying to say it...she's probably used to the comments
by other people, though..
He didn't want to linger on the idea too long. He just wanted to
live through this ordeal somehow. Mustering up a little more
determination, he asked, “So...what do I do?”
"Well," she answered, moving next to him. He didn't see her, but
he felt the movement of the water, and heard her voice getting
much closer. His pulsed pumped in his ears, but he tried to
focus. "I'm guessing you don't hang out in water much, so you
need to get used to how it feels. Walk around in it and stuff,
so you can get a feel for how you gotta move your muscles and
how much force to use and all that stuff. Physics, I guess." It
made sense, even though it would feel silly to just randomly
move his way through the water. Yukito decided to imagine that
it was the same as when he tested out his wings after not
bringing them out for awhile. He would concentrate on the
muscles individually, starting from his toes and moving slowly
up, each movement slow and decisive, isolated and deliberate,
until he reached his neck.
In the corner of his eye, he saw Erin's hand, and he turned
toward it as she offered it to him. He looked up into her face,
seeing the warm, reassuring gleam in her eyes. It was as if,
despite her ramble of words, he could understand something so
simple that she was trying to convey - that she had confidence
in him. "We can walk around in it for a bit until you feel like
you got it, then we'll practice kicking your feet for swimming.
Oh, but we'll be holding onto the wall, so you won't have to
worry about floating off or something like that." She sent him a
smile, determined to reassure him. Yukito started to smile in
return, much more easily this time, and he looked down at the
surface of the water again. "Okay?"
"Okay," he said, more confidently this time. He still felt
flustered, but his heart rate had started to calm down. He took
her hand, more to let her know that he wasn't scared than to
gain the confidence of her hand, necessarily. Beneath the water,
their hands looked warped and strange, the constant movement of
the water distorting the image. With his other hand, Yukito
reached out underwater, trailing his fingertips against the
sides of the pool, walking forward. It didn't take long for the
water to reach the level of his neck, and each step felt like
his feet were weighted down by stones. He pouted his lips out in
slight distaste, "It feels heavy. But light, at the same time."
After a moment, he moved away from the side, moving across the
length of the pool at the depth where his head was still safely
above the water. "I bet swimming is much like flying," he
commented randomly, almost to himself more than anything. He
looked over at Erin, meeting her eyes squarely for the first
time since they'd met up. "But I doubt I'll ever fly the way you
do."
#Post#: 471--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Natatorium
By: GGJ5 Date: May 6, 2013, 9:11 pm
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Erin Spenser
"We can walk around in it for a bit until you feel like you got
it, then we'll practice kicking your feet for swimming. Oh, but
we'll be holding onto the wall, so you won't have to worry about
floating off or something like that." Yukito was still looking
pretty nervous.... and Erin figured, if she could see
nervousness, it had to be really powerful. She sent him an
encouraging smile. "Okay?" The last thing Erin wanted to do was
to make this a sucky experience for him. It was supposed to be
fun... she wanted him to at least feel good in the water, even
if he couldn't love it like she did.
"Okay," Yukito agreed, taking her hand. Erin didn't admit it to
him-- he'd go right back to being embarrassed and
uncomfortable-- but her heart jumped a little bit at that. How
often did you get to hold the hand of the person you liked, even
when they'd decided they couldn't let themselves like you back?
At least, Erin thought that's what he'd meant... it was all so
confusing... Yukito's words pulled her back again. "It feels
heavy. But light, at the same time."
Erin made a face at that-- what a random observation.... and
then immediately hoped Yukito hadn't seen it. He was new to
this, after all... "Well, it's liquid... the atoms are closer
together, so it's harder to walk through it than air, since that
has loose atoms. But that's also how you get to swim and float
in water, since all the extra stuff in it helps hold you up!"
They walked around, bodies nearly immersed in the warm water. It
felt so neat, the weird currents their paths could make in the
water, the little swirling motions about her feet. And for that
moment, Erin could enjoy the silence... just walking through the
water with Yukito.
A few steps later, Yukito voiced, "I bet swimming is much like
flying."
The comment drew Erin's attention, and her eyes fell on his.
"Huh?" She smiled. "Oh! Yeah... yeah, it's kinda like it... the
water lifts you up and lets you soar through it, if you know how
to play right with it. And that's what I'm gonna teach you!"
"But I doubt I'll ever fly the way you do." His words felt
heavy, like the water felt to Yukito earlier.
She frowned, unable to tell if his words were a compliment to
her swimming or a bash on his own wings. "Yukito... you'll be
brilliant." She squeezed his hand in hers gently, hoping it
would send him some sort of silent message... Then, shifting
gears very quickly, Erin turned to the pool's wall. "Here, next
thing to do... hold onto the wall here and let yourself float in
the water, then start kicking a bit. Like this..." Letting go of
his hand, Erin modeled what she wanted him to do. "I'll keep
going as long as you do, so go for it!"
#Post#: 475--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Natatorium
By: Mascii Date: May 7, 2013, 6:32 pm
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Yukito Ramsey
"It feels heavy. But light, at the same time," he commented
quietly, earning a strange, confused face from Erin. He glanced
away, aware that the observation sounded ridiculous and
childish. But somehow the words had just slipped out, just like
they always did with Erin. It was like she had a sort of
contagious aura that loosened his tongue whenever he was around
her for more than a few moments.
"Well, it's liquid... the atoms are closer together, so it's
harder to walk through it than air, since that has loose atoms.
But that's also how you get to swim and float in water, since
all the extra stuff in it helps hold you up!"
Somehow, perhaps in the way she said it, or the residual
confusion in her big brown eyes, or the fact that he had said
something so stupid, and she had responded so literally, but
Yukito actually laughed. It bubbled up in his throat and came
out in a warm little rush. He shook his head and covered his
mouth with one hand, still chuckling. "I was just making a
comment. I know what water is, Erin." But he sent her a smile,
laughter still in his eyes to silently tell her that he wasn't
making fun of her. For a few moments, they fell into a sort of
comfortable silence, just wandering around the pool, making
quiet waves with each step that they took together. Yukito liked
the discovery that Erin was alright with silences sometimes.
Usually he worried that his silence was so easily misunderstood,
but glancing over at her, she seemed content for the quiet, at
least for the moment. Yukito's mind wandered to the strangeness
of the water, walking through it so solemnly with Erin holding
his hand underneath the surface. He remembered the time he had
tried to fly off the roof of the school... No. Not 'tried'. I
did it. Just once, but I've done it. The pressure of the air on
his whole body, pushing in on him and freeing him at the same
time, like a cool embrace..he imagined that would be similar to
how it felt to Erin when she swam in the races. A sort of
freedom came with that bit of pressure, like the support of
those 'loose atoms' Erin had just been talking about, all
helping hands to hold you aloft and making you fly.
He looked over at Erin, then back at his feet below the water,
though this time it was out of curiosity, not shame or
embarrassment. The discrepancy between the distances made him
feel a bit dizzy, like a fascinating light in the distance. "I
bet swimming is much like flying."
"Huh?" He looked over at her, meeting her eyes. Though initially
she seemed pulled out of a reverie, she smiled at him. "Oh!
Yeah... yeah, it's kinda like it... the water lifts you up and
lets you soar through it, if you know how to play right with it.
And that's what I'm gonna teach you!"
"But I doubt I'll ever fly the way you do." He said, more
quietly this time. He had meant that he would never be able to
swim the way she did, so easily and so naturally. Beyond her
Enhancement, Yukito felt that Erin was just naturally talented
at swimming, and she probably would have been part of a team,
even without Hal's help. But as soon as he spoke the words, he
felt himself swallowing with more difficulty, feeling even more
heavily the weight of his useless wings, the one thing he wished
to be most useful at being barred from him, with no end date in
sight. Of course, he knew they would work eventually. But the
waiting, not knowing for sure, was the hard part.
"Yukito... you'll be brilliant." He felt his heart skip a beat
as she squeezed his hand in hers reassuringly, and he looked
down at their shared hands as though realizing for the first
time. Then, he gave a little smile.
Changing subjects, Erin moved to the pool wall and Yukito
followed after her quietly. "Here, next thing to do... hold onto
the wall here and let yourself float in the water, then start
kicking a bit. Like this..." Letting go of his hand, Erin
modeled what she wanted him to do. "I'll keep going as long as
you do, so go for it!"
Yukito placed both hands on the wall, lowering himself into the
water until his feet lifted off the floor. Tentatively, he began
to kick, finding it simple enough. Until his hand slipped, and
his head dunked under the water due to the lack of balance. He
came up spluttering and coughing, trying to continue kicking
despite the burning water in his lungs and the embarrassment it
caused him. It didn't take too long for his legs to feel
super-heavy in the water, and he managed to push past it for
another minute or so before slowing down. He rubbed at his eyes
with one knuckle, his wet hair falling into his eyes and
stinging them. "How was that?" he asked, blinking heavily.
#Post#: 480--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Natatorium
By: GGJ5 Date: May 7, 2013, 10:14 pm
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Erin Spenser
"Yukito... you'll be brilliant." He needed to know that. Erin
was pretty sure he didn't believe it, or realize it, but she
could see it. And, Erin believed, if enough people told you the
truth about yourself, you'd eventually see it yourself. At
least, that's how she liked to think it worked.
Yukito responded quietly, with a smile, one that made Erin's
grow a bit brighter. She felt him gently squeeze her hand, and
it made her heart start skipping again, like his actions were
caffeine or something.
Caffeine like this was good. Very good.
Pulling his hand in hers, she guided them to the wall of the
pool and showed Yukito what he needed to do next. "Here, next
thing to do... hold onto the wall here and let yourself float in
the water, then start kicking a bit. Like this..." Letting go of
his hand, Erin modeled what she wanted him to do. "I'll keep
going as long as you do, so go for it!"
Yukito placed both hands on the wall, lowering himself into the
water and copying Erin's pose. She kicked along with him,
keeping the speed pretty average: enough to keep them afloat,
but not enough to burn him out too fast. She hoped. But before
that could happen, Yukito's hand slipped and he dunked himself
into the water, popping back up like a soaked rat. As he
sputtered out the water and tried to retain his cool, Erin
started giggling. It was absolutely adorable, how new to
everything he was with this! He'd probably forgotten his hands
were wet and he needed to pay attention to his grip, and now
he'd just had his first accidental dunking experience. She kept
grinning the entire time... he was perfectly fine, just more wet
than he probably wanted, and he kept kicking, which was awesome!
He wasn't gonna give up on her just because it wasn't easy. That
was nice.
When he started slowing down, so did she. Erin watched, still
smiling, as he rubbed at his eyes through his sopping hair. He
even managed to look amazing with messy, soaked hair in his
face... possibly even better than amazing. "How was that?"
She beamed at him. "Perfect! Falling like that is totally
normal, and really, it's better to get the experience sooner
than later, and...." She giggled. "The soaking wet look is a
good look for you." Without further hesitation, Erin closed the
couple of steps between them and gave Yukito a hug, her arms
wrapped around his torso, head near his chest. "I'm so, so glad
you're trying this with me."
#Post#: 482--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Natatorium
By: Mascii Date: May 8, 2013, 3:21 am
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OOC: ;D BIC:
Yukito
HTML http://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll298/ijustlovetvxq/wetsie.jpg<br
/>Ramsey
He heard Erin giggle through his coughs, the embarrassing
self-dunk entirely his own fault. But he kept swimming, a
determination flared within him as soon as they actually started
to swim. I can do this, at least. The thought was a hopeful one,
a thought that he wouldn't just drop and forget about. It wasn't
just about the swimming. It was something Yukito wondered if he
had ever done before, in his forgotten life, and had just lost
the ability to do it, along with his memories. He felt like he
never had, though. So it was something new to try, a new, real,
solid memory to keep. It was also something Hal hadn't allowed.
For many reasons, some of which Yukito didn't understand or
agree with. However, he was here anyways. He hated the feeling
of being controlled every minute by some outside force. And he
had managed to tell Hal, hadn't he?
"Are you happy?"
"No."
He knew the words had been painful for Hal. But what else could
he have said? He had already said all that was necessary. The
truth wasn't changed by being spoken aloud.
"I'll grow stronger, and I'll become happy."
He was determined to not give in to weakness and fear anymore.
He wanted to live. He wanted to talk to people, to feel the
closeness that they felt, the kind of trust which allowed them
to hold each other, to share their lunch, to spend the night at
each other's houses, to go on trips and outings. He wanted to
feel connected with something outside of the Hal Ramsey
biosphere.
Yukito kicked and kicked past the point of his legs screaming to
be relaxed. He worked out regularly to maintain the body mass
index Hal required. The hours of torture and boredom paid off in
his attempts to swim, and for several minutes he kept up with
Erin's easy-going pace with only the minimal to be ashamed of.
At last, he slowed down, and Erin followed suit. Standing up a
little straighter and releasing the wall, Yukito rubbed at the
water that had managed to reach his eyes, feeling Erin's smile
on him like a spotlight. "How was that?"
Through the blurriness of his vision, he saw that she looked
very pleased. "Perfect! Falling like that is totally normal, and
really, it's better to get the experience sooner than later,
and...." She giggled. "The soaking wet look is a good look for
you."
A crooked smile crept onto his face, and he shrugged, a little
embarrassed. But just as he was opening his mouth to form a
reply, Erin closed the distance between them, suddenly encasing
him in an embrace, her head near his chest and her arms wrapped
around his torso. Yukito felt like he'd heard a gunshot right
next to his head the moment her skin made contact with him. "I'm
so, so glad you're trying this with me."
Her words went completely unheard by Yukito, who in the next
moment went through a series of painful, red-hot images that
boiled through his mind's eye. A dark room, the light from under
the door way stretching across the floor in a warped hexagonal
shape. A hand on his stomach, a hot breath on his cheek.
Pressure, pain, and flight. The next thing Yukito knew, he had
pushed Erin roughly away, the wings in his back ripping from
their holdings and creating a powerful wave that sent him
reeling to the side of the pool, clutching at the wall like a
rat in a cage. His throat felt hoarse, the only way he knew that
he had let out a scream - that, and the way the sound still
echoed around the entire pool area, hanging heavily on the air
as he stared blankly across at Erin. What had he just done? What
had she just done?
Of course, she didn't know, you idiot. You never told her
straight out. The very thing that Hal had tried to hard to
avoid, had happened. Yukito felt nauseous, and he placed his
hand firmly over his mouth to keep from throwing up, willing his
stomach to calm as his heart pounded furiously against his
chest. He wanted to drop to his knees, sink below the surface of
that clear, blanketing water, and just stay there until the
ringing in his ears ceased. How could he shove Erin away like
that? But he'd been so frightened...the man had been there...
He wasn't sure when he had started sobbing like a child, but he
knew he couldn't stop. He couldn't even see the water below him
clearly anymore through all the tears, and it took him a few
moments to calm himself down enough to lower his hand and look
at Erin. Instantly, he looked away, crossing his arms
protectively over his chest, as though he was being threatened
still. "I'm s-sorry..." he moaned, refusing to look up at her.
Another rush of nausea, and another acceleration of his heart,
determined to thud its way out of his chest into freedom. Yukito
lifted his hand to cover his mouth again, managing to muffle
past it, "I'll be f-fine in a minute..."
The wings, still stretched out openly on either side of him,
dangled and danced gently through the water that still sloshed
against his back and torso. They seemed so lifeless, useless,
powerless, now. The worst part of it was, now he knew why they
were so needed. The 'fight or flight' syndrome which Hal had
seen as so exaggerated in Yukito, the abnormal fear which he had
witnessed in the boy at each early checkup, at each attempt to
approach, had been redirected into the wings. Hal had given him
wings with which to escape from that which frightened him the
most. Even though Yukito couldn't remember what it was, or when
it happened. It had been locked away somewhere in his head,
still playing a heavy part in each day, each moment of his daily
life. Separating him from his friends, creating a barrier
between him and Hal.
And with such a simple thing, wrapping two arms around one body,
Erin had thrust that knowledge back into his understanding like
a dagger through his heart, or a lightning bolt through a wire,
giving him life and pain at the same time. The worst part was,
he remembered now.
"Erin..." he sniffed heavily between his words, his tears
quieting down, but not slowing in the least. "The
nightmares...they were real. Erin...they were REAL!" He was
breathing heavily by now, the wings beginning to shiver
nervously with the pent up emotions that were spilling out of
him. Each word felt like a sword slice to his chest, digging
deeper and deeper until he couldn't possibly go any further.
"The man...and the hand...and the door...my mother was on the
other side of the door. She was so close, but she couldn't hear
me. And his hand...it pinned me down...and..." He was visibly
shaking by now, from anger, from confusion, from pain, from
shame. He buried his entire face into both palms, trying to calm
himself but failing miserably at it. The nightmares weren't some
freak accident or faulty wiring. It wasn't some metaphor for his
discontentment. It was a memory. The reality was much more
painful than his theories had been. He was much more removed,
much dirtier than he had originally thought.
The tears had stopped, as quickly as they had come. Yukito
raised his head to look over at Erin. He wanted nothing more
than for her to comfort him, for him to be able to crawl into
her arms and shut his brain down completely, to shut off the
memory that flooded in. But at the same time, he was too scared
to get near her, too afraid to be touched by her, for fear that
somehow, the disease, the filth, would spread and violate her,
too. He held his arms, crossing them against his chest and
shivering. Get yourself under control, Yukito! The reprimanding
voice in his head caused his jaw to tighten, despite the way his
hands shook. Slowly, the wings retracted, folding up and snaking
their way back into their encasement. He stood there, half-bent
over into the water, looking towards Erin with his expression
broken and betrayed.
"I remember. The man in my dream..." he said solemnly, taking a
breath in and out before he spoke again. Even still, his voice
came out as an exhausted breath, a single tear tracing down his
cheek. "He hurt me."
#Post#: 484--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Natatorium
By: GGJ5 Date: May 8, 2013, 9:53 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Erin Spenser
"I'm so, so glad you're trying this with me." Impulsively, she
reached out in a hug, quickly forming in her mind a sweet moment
for them. They'd hug, and he'd thank her, and then kiss her, and
then--
Shove her away.
It felt like Erin's heart had stopped. He'd shoved her away.
He'd shoved her off and screamed at her, and now she stood
there, trembling, almost frozen, eyes wide and unmoving, locked
on Yukito. Was she that awful? Was she secretly awful and hadn't
ever noticed? Was there something about her now-- how she
looked, how she felt, that made her so awful? But... but I'm not
a disease... Right?
"I... I just wanted to thank you..." She'd pulled her arms back
into herself, suddenly afraid they'd done some irreparable
damage to Yukito. Now, one hand fingered her bottom lip
nervously, while the other was tucked around herself in a sort
of self-hug. Suddenly.... suddenly everything was all wrong. It
was all bad. And it was all because of her. She'd scared him...
Maybe... he was right about me. If this is what I do to
Yukito... I must be really bad for him... The idea brought a
wall of water to her eyes, and she blinked it away furiously.
But all that served to do was to make her cry... Thankfully, it
fit in perfectly with the pool water.
But even though she might have been crying, she'd made Yukito
start... sobbing. Really, literally sobbing, like she'd promised
him the world and then decided to spit on him instead. It was
definitely going to break her heart. Definitely. She could feel
it stretching and cracking inside her. Her pose didn't change a
fragment of an inch.
"I'm s-sorry..." he finally said, his voice coming out strained
and broken. He didn't look at her. It made her heart crack a bit
more. It was more evidence that she really was bad for him...
that she really had hurt him somehow... infected him with her
disease. But I'd just wanted to say thank you to him... it was
supposed to be a good thing. It was! I promise it was.... He
was covering his mouth, and Erin's cracking heart raced, because
if something happened to him she wouldn't know what to do, and
-- "I'll be f-fine in a minute..."
She hadn't even registered that he'd opened up his wings. Now
they made ripples in the pool, looking so out of place in the
plain, simple water. They looked too magnificent to be there.
But I'm not magnificent enough. All she could do at that moment
was shake her head. He wouldn't be fine. Not in a minute, not
for a long time. Nothing would be fine. It was all bad now. It
was all very not fine. She wanted so much to step forward and to
comfort him and to let him know she'd be there while it was all
not fine... but she was too scared to. Last time she tried just
to say thank you.... this happened. How could she be so mean to
attempt it again?!
But what else could you do, when someone was hurting and you
were too scared to touch them?
"Erin..." He was still clearly upset. It was in his voice. It
wasn't clear... it was watery, weepy, scared. It hurt. "The
nightmares...they were real. Erin...they were REAL!"
Had he ever thought they were anything but real? Dreams that
bad, dreams that didn't go away... they had to be real. Your
brain wouldn't be so evil to you to make up something like that
and make you see it over and over... She'd thought so a dozen
times, any time Yukito came to school tired from lack of sleep,
or mentioned he'd dreamed again, or even just randomly when she
looked at him... She thought it. She knew it. How did he not see
it? Of course they were real....
But Erin couldn't say that. So she just nodded. At least she
could listen... even if he hated her near him. She could listen
from a ways off.
"The man...and the hand...and the door...my mother was on the
other side of the door. She was so close, but she couldn't hear
me. And his hand...it pinned me down...and..."
It didn't take a genius to piece it together.... and she knew it
had to make her heart shatter. He'd been hurt, so so badly...
and while his brain had remembered, it had kept it from Yukito
mostly. And now he was remembering again... he might as well
have been experiencing the hurt for the first time. And she was
witnessing it, completely incapable of giving him any form of
comfort....
It was going to kill her, she was sure of it.
Suddenly she felt a constant river of hot, salty tears on her
cheeks, brimming over her eyelids. Of course, that's when he
bothered to look at her... probably wanting her to say something
caring, to fix it, but all she was doing was blubbering like the
useless thing she was.
He managed to pull his wings back in, which Erin figured meant
he was calming down...at least a little. He hadn't even needed
her comfort, anyway... and she'd been so wrapped up in that.
Suddenly, Erin felt ashamed.
"I remember. The man in my dream..." His voice was still broken,
still so fragile. "He hurt me."
"I'm.... I'm sorry," Erin heard herself say, her own voice
sounding foreign to her now. "I'm sorry your brain made you
forget and that I made you remember... now you have to feel it
all over again... for the first time. I'm so, so sorry...." And
I can't even make it better, she screamed at herself again,
selfishly. Erin shut her eyes tightly, hoping to restrain some
of the tears, but the efforts failed. "I just wanted to thank
you... I never, ever wanted to hurt you! I swear, Yukito. You
don't deserve to be hurt by anyone... ever... and now your
memories are hurting you more than anything, because someone was
so--" Her words choked in her throat for a bit, and she
struggled to force them out. "So-- so evil to you...."
#Post#: 523--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Natatorium
By: Mascii Date: May 22, 2013, 4:06 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Yukito Ramsey
Memories didn't like to wash back in for Yukito. He got flashes,
spurts, like a hose that was repeatedly being pinched and
released, small bouts of images would come to his mind, useless
in their singularity, but now much more meaningful with the
whole. He still shivered with each breath, uncontrollable.
Trying to maintain some of the control he had once earned,
pulling the facade of strength towards himself like a teetering
skeleton, he clung to it desperately. Erin was looking to him,
confused and rejected. Tears were streaming down her own cheeks,
and he wasn't sure why they were there...only that he was their
cause. Slowly, surely, his wings were placed away, and he tried
to stand strong before her. He remembered being the scared
little boy. But he couldn't afford to be that little boy
anymore. At least not for Erin. For her, at least, he wanted to
try and be strong, even if he didn't believe it possible in
himself.
"He hurt me." Even in his own simplistic, ambiguous words, they
held a lot of power for Yukito. Saying it aloud, saying it to
someone else for the first time in years, made his voice crumble
into a pile of rubble.
"I'm.... I'm sorry," Erin's voice sounded a world away, and he
hated it. "I'm sorry your brain made you forget and that I made
you remember... now you have to feel it all over again... for
the first time. I'm so, so sorry...."
Erin... He saw her standing so stiffly, so afraid of him now.
She had only agreed to give him a swimming lesson, not lay privy
to his past. With a slow movement like an unsure cat, he took a
couple of steps closer to her, his expression crumbling
painfully.
"I just wanted to thank you... I never, ever wanted to hurt you!
I swear, Yukito. You don't deserve to be hurt by anyone...
ever... and now your memories are hurting you more than
anything, because someone was so--" Her words choked in her
throat for a bit, and she struggled to force them out. "So-- so
evil to you...."
“Erin...” he said at last, watching her face squarely this time.
He wasn't sure what words he needed to say what he wished most
to say, so he stared at her in that manner for a long period of
time. He didn't want to blame her for not knowing, for
triggering something she didn't understand, and probably never
could. The protective barrier that Hal and Yukito had made
around Yukito's nightmares had been stripped away so casually by
Erin's fingertips and laughter. How could she have known?
At long last, he gave a sigh, still feeling the quivering of his
muscles in every second. “The memories were going to come back.
Whether I knew them or not...they were always there. That won't
ever change.”
“There are parts of me...big....big parts of me...” he gestured
toward his chest, the gaping hole there almost tangible, “That
are missing. And if I don't get them back...he wins.”
His hand moved to take hers, but stopped halfway, his fragile
confidence shattered into a billion pieces. “Did I scare
you...?” he asked quietly, his voice still echoing through the
pool. He kept looking back into her eyes, looking for an answer,
then he reached out and took her hand up into his, Yukito's lips
beginning to tremble again.
“I w-want...” he slowly inhaled, then exhaled. “I want you to
give me a good memory, Erin. Please.” He placed her hand up
against his cheek, tears again threatening to escape from his
eyes as he honed in on the sensation of her skin against his. He
knew now, which parts were sensitive. He knew what part of
himself he needed to recover, at least a little better now. Once
her hand was stationed against his cheek, he slowly cupped her
face in his hands to draw her upwards and into a long, salty
kiss. He felt safer here, knowing the water and knowing Erin
more than he had before. Knowing, despite the anguished
pessimism of his mind, that she wouldn't push him away...
probably. Not that he would blame her.
“I'm sorry for scaring you...” he wept. I know I'm not very good
at anything, Erin. But I don't think you are one to give up on
me so easily. Please...help me.
#Post#: 546--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Natatorium
By: GGJ5 Date: May 25, 2013, 10:39 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Erin Spenser
At this point, Erin wasn't even sure she could tell what was
happening. She'd triggered something awful, and her heart felt
like it had stopped and turned to lead. It sat there like a cold
lump, and she suddenly felt horribly embarrassed for having
tried especially hard to look cute for their stupid swimming
lesson. How could she have been thinking of such stupid, basic
things when Yukito was actually experiencing real, awful pain?
And it was because of her overeagerness, too.... "I just wanted
to thank you... I never, ever wanted to hurt you! I swear,
Yukito. You don't deserve to be hurt by anyone... ever... and
now your memories are hurting you more than anything, because
someone was so--" Her words choked in her throat for a bit, and
she struggled to force them out. "So-- so evil to you...."
“Erin...” Yukito voiced, and stiffly, she waited. It felt like
half an eternity had to pass before he spoke again, and her
leaden heart was slowly going to kill her. “The memories were
going to come back. Whether I knew them or not...they were
always there. That won't ever change.”
Maybe it was the leaden heart, or the deafening silence in her
ears that came in between his words, but Erin couldn't follow
what he was saying. Was he saying it didn't matter? If so, that
was a lie. Was he saying that he already remembered somehow? Was
he saying that she'd made them hurry up? Well, she knew she'd
done that much, so.... What did that mean? Erin could only stand
there, practically petrified, afraid that another move would
only bring back another memory, something else just as awful and
heart-wrenching for him to experience again and again.
“There are parts of me...big....big parts of me...” He gestured
to himself, as if the parts he meant were real and not
invisible, locked away inside is head and his heart. “That are
missing. And if I don't get them back...he wins.”
Part of her thought that now it was hard to tell who that 'he'
was talking about. But really, she knew what Yukito meant. And
it made her so, so sad. He would have to hurt, and hurt badly,
if he was going to break away some day. And Erin wanted that
some day to be very, very soon.
Briefly, it looked like he was actually going to reach out to
her, but then... he didn't. It made sense... since the last time
she touched him, she broke him. And that made her leaden heart
crack a bit.... “Did I scare you...?” Yukito's voice was so
soft, and scared, and quiet, and fragile....
Erin immediately shook her head. "No." Then, the stupid tears
decided to betray her and fall out of her eyes, and Erin started
to nod instead. She covered up her mouth with one hand, nodding
a bit more strongly now, and feeling more and more ashamed. How
could she admit to being scared when he was obviously petrified,
and wouldn't ever be able to forget it unless something else
horrible happened?
To her great surprise, Yukito took her free hand. She bit her
lip, hard, trying her best to stop her stupid crying.
“I w-want...” he took his time again. “I want you to give me a
good memory, Erin. Please.”
I tried.... "But I messed it up for you...." she finished aloud,
her voice tiny in the huge room.
He placed her hand up against his cheek. Then, he slowly cupped
her face in his hands to draw her upwards and into a long, salty
kiss. For a couple of seconds, she didn't kiss back-- she was
too busy being shocked. She'd terrified him, and now he
responded with kissing her....? But.... he did it this time, not
her... he picked it, wanted it, chose it, and even though it was
really, really confusing.... She kissed him back, albeit while
she was crying.... but she couldn't help it.
“I'm sorry for scaring you...” he told her, still sounding just
as sad as she felt... probably more, actually.
Erin shook her head. "You didn't do it on purpose.... But I
purposely hugged you so...." She bit her lip, hugging herself
since she couldn't hug him. "I'm really sorry. I never, ever
wanted to hurt you.... I don't know what to do to let you know
I'm sorry, though... " She'd hug him to say she was sorry, but
that was what started this whole mess to begin with. What were
you supposed to do if you couldn't hug someone?
#Post#: 559--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Natatorium
By: Mascii Date: May 26, 2013, 5:08 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Yukito Ramsey
“Did I scare you...?”
At first, she shook her head, denying what her eyes were telling
him clearly. ”No.” Tears started to stream down her cheeks
again, and the shake of her head morphed into a reluctant nod.
She covered her mouth in shame, and Yukito felt like a spike had
pierced him roughly through the chest. Somehow, he maintained
his calm expression, hiding the hurt of her words as best as he
could.
He had never meant to hurt her so much. He'd known it would
happen, but he hadn't meant it to happen. He reached out, taking
her hand in his, needing to feel a little more like his human
self once again.
“I w-want...” he took his time again. “I want you to give me a
good memory, Erin. Please.”
"But I messed it up for you...." Yukito didn't say anything to
that, but he shook his head in denial of it. Didn't she get it?
It was like she had ripped off the bandage of a wound that had
been allowed to fester too long, hidden away and never healing.
Maybe now, he could try to heal a little better..
He wanted to be a happier, stronger person. For his own sake as
well as for the sake of others. He took her in his hands and
drew her in for a kiss, relishing in the untarnished and
uncursed touch that he could get away with. Erin didn't respond
at first, worrying him, but eventually he felt her lax under his
touch like she was a candle melting.
“I'm sorry for scaring you...” he told her simply, meaning it
with every bone in his body.
Erin shook her head. "You didn't do it on purpose.... But I
purposely hugged you so...." She bit her lip, hugging herself
like she had to protect herself against him. Yukito loosened his
hold on her cheek, frowning. "I'm really sorry. I never, ever
wanted to hurt you.... I don't know what to do to let you know
I'm sorry, though... "
“You didn't know, Erin,” he said matter-of-factly. “That why I'm
okay with wearing the brace all the time. It makes it easier,
because it's like a protective barrier.” He stopped watching
her, when a sad little smile came to his face. “I told you I was
no good for you, Erin.”
A little voice in the back of Yukito's mind sparked then with a
hope: maybe one day he could become good for Erin. What if it
was possible? The mere idea made him want to pull her to him and
embrace her, but he couldn't make his arms move toward her.
Instead, his hands dropped away from her face and back toward
his sides, splashing a little as they made contact with the
water. If he was a little stronger, a little more prepared, he
would have asked her to stay with him, to push him to get over
this fear. Maybe he could have asked her to help him by holding
him, tighter and tighter until the bad memories remained as bad
memories and not a waking nightmare. But he couldn't ask that of
her. He had to be stronger, as Hal had tried to raise him to be.
“Anyways,” he said, straightening his shoulders and slipping on
his mask of strength. “Do you still feel up to finishing the
lesson?” The truth was, he now felt more worn out than if he had
ran a mile in a minute, but he didn't want to have her time be
wasted, and he didn't want to abandon her on this tone. He
wanted as many good memories with Erin as he could managed.
#Post#: 574--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Natatorium
By: GGJ5 Date: May 28, 2013, 1:02 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Erin Spenser
“I'm sorry for scaring you...”
Erin shook her head. She wished she hadn't been scared. She
wished she knew how to respond to whatever Yukito was going
through. She wished she knew something to make him feel better,
but she didn't.... "You didn't do it on purpose.... But I
purposely hugged you so...." She bit her lip, wrapping her arms
around herself in a search for a little secure feeling. "I'm
really sorry. I never, ever wanted to hurt you.... I don't know
what to do to let you know I'm sorry, though... "
“You didn't know, Erin,” he replied levelly. How did he go so
easily from torn-up and terrified to logical and level? “That
why I'm okay with wearing the brace all the time. It makes it
easier, because it's like a protective barrier.” Her face fell
into a deep frown at those words. She'd made him take it off.
She'd scoffed at it. That must have made him feel awful.... “I
told you I was no good for you, Erin.”
He let go, pulling away again. He was probably thinking the same
thing. Like, "you made me do it, Erin, and that's why I got
scared."
"That's not true," she objected quietly, trying to match his
level.
“Anyways,” Yukito said, suddenly sounding like it was all
better, like nothing had happened. How did he do that? “Do you
still feel up to finishing the lesson?”
She felt a smile on her face, albeit a smaller one. He still
wanted her to teach him, though.... now she'd have to do it from
a distance. She wasn't sure how to pull that off.... But at
least, Erin thought, she could try. "Okay, so, we are in the
shallow end. We can try treading now... You'll have to lift off
your feel and kick like we practiced on the wall. And move your
arms like this...." Erin showed him the simple motion. "You're
in the shallow end, so nothing bad can happen if you mess up.
And, if you want, I could hold your hand and be, like, a
flotation device... but you totally don't have to do that part
if you don't want to," she was quick to add.
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