DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
RPG AI
HTML https://rpgai.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Diaries
*****************************************************
#Post#: 135--------------------------------------------------
Zinnia Natter's diary
By: MissM Date: March 31, 2013, 7:53 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Zinnia's diary is kept on a USB, similar to Reese's, but is
hidden under several layers in a non-logical location to keep
people from finding it accidentally. She doesn't regularly
update it, and when she does, it is not usually focused on
herself but on significant things about others.
If it does focus on herself, it is usually concerned with trying
to convince herself to trust the people around her enough to
share more about her inner feelings and let them show.
#Post#: 142--------------------------------------------------
001
By: MissM Date: March 31, 2013, 10:25 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I miss Dox.
It seems silly, it really does. But Dox always made an effort to
meet me where I needed to be, and didn't grumble about it or
tell me I needed to get better. He wanted to make sure I was
comfortable, and taken care of. Which was such a change from
everything else that came before.
And now these people. Except maybe whats-his-face, who I
actually met in the courtyard today...he seems to care. But the
rest of them...I understand that I'm new, and that they don't
know me very well, but they seem to latch onto the most
superficial things and not let go. Well, whats-his-face, and the
other quiet one. Yukito, I think the name was? Looks right,
anyway. Neither of them really bother me, and I feel safe around
them. But the rest of the people here, at least for now, set me
a little on edge....
I wish it was easier for me to adjust to new places.
#Post#: 156--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zinnia Natter's diary
By: MissM Date: April 6, 2013, 9:05 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Reese and Yukito are awesome.
Erin likes to cook too, which is neat...and she's usually pretty
happy about sharing, which is sweet. I think she'll go far in
life, with whatever she chooses. I just hope nobody takes
advantage of her trusting nature.
I'm getting along somewhat better with Clarence, but he remains
a little to brusque (is that the right word?) for my tastes.
#Post#: 158--------------------------------------------------
Entry 3
By: MissM Date: April 7, 2013, 8:58 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Ugh.
The weekend in France, with Dox, went fine until I tried to cook
that damn chicken cordon bleu. I fell asleep while it was
cooking and I ended up burning it. And after that, the pie came
out with a distinct chicken taste, in addition to the lemon. I
totally failed. I almost cried.
And I was a pain for the rest of the weekend, because of that.
Dox tried to let me know that it was OK, but I brushed him off
too much. We almost yelled, the last night I was there. I should
go back this weekend and apologize. I wish I had this morning,
but I left before he woke up, even though I know he hates it
when I do that. I was such a child.
I will be sending a letter as soon as I can find something
decent to write it on--with all the technology here, nobody
keeps or stocks writing paper or pens that can withstand a
full-on writing session. Maybe I should ask Natalie, since she's
an artist. She might be able to at least point me in the right
direction....
#Post#: 160--------------------------------------------------
Entry 4
By: MissM Date: April 7, 2013, 10:30 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Just great.
Probably just ruined all my friendships in less than two days.
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to make friends, honestly.
I might be a bit older than at least most of them, but most days
I feel like I'm trapped in the emotional state of a 14 or 15
year old. I hate it.
I should just leave. I'll find who I'm looking for elsewhere,
I'm sure. Although they seem to be here...I just haven't found
them yet. Must be hiding from someone, or maybe I mis-read their
location... I don't know. I guess I'll stay here for a little
longer. At least here I fit in, mostly.
But if they don't show up soon, I'll leave. I don't belong here
anyway.
#Post#: 163--------------------------------------------------
Entry 5
By: MissM Date: April 8, 2013, 4:10 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
OWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
I have a splitting headache from last night. I guess I spent so
long angry and frustrated that it finally started manifesting
physically. Didn't pay much attention in school today, although
since classes are getting relatively easier I guess it doesn't
matter so much. I just hope it's gone by tomorrow.
Yukito seems to understand, at least a little, how I was feeling
last night, which is nice. But he and Natalie and probably Reese
seem to be the only ones who took my childishness last night as
passing.
If I think about this much more I'll get a worse headache, so
I'm moving on now.
But I will be staying here longer. I've never been comfortable
with walking around without my glove on, but here it just seems
natural....at least none of the other kids stare for too long.
#Post#: 205--------------------------------------------------
Entry 6
By: MissM Date: April 13, 2013, 12:13 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Well,
Reese seems like one of the most awesome people ever. He's calm,
collected, and doesn't mind waiting for me to finish my
thoughts... He also took me out to a video-game store, and even
though I didn't get anything, he was still happy to tell me all
about the games and consoles.
I've found the picture that Natalie asked for-- the one of me
when I was a little kid-- but it's pretty damaged so I've
delayed giving it to her.
I thought I had a digital copy somewhere, but I've looked in
almost every place it could be and haven't found it yet, so if I
have it, it will be with all my other family photos, which are
painful to look through. There aren't even very many, but they
always bring back the memory of my family. Even thinking about
them is tough.
I want to see more of Yukito-- we only cross paths, and often he
is wrapped up in his own world. But he seems like a pretty cool
guy too. Not as talkative as Reese for sure, but laid back and
unassuming.
On a side note, I'm heading to France tomorrow, to apologize to
Dox. I won't be staying there, though, I'll definitely come back
Saturday evening.
It'll be a busy weekend, that's all.
#Post#: 209--------------------------------------------------
07
By: MissM Date: April 13, 2013, 9:35 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Ugh. Well, at least I managed to apologize to Dox today without
too much arguing... He did tell me to not come back until he
asked me to, though. I guess I don't blame him...
I'm still in town. I haven't really left yet. I sorta don't want
to with Dox still mad at me. Even though I apologized as soon as
I could in person, and sent that letter...I guess I did hurt
him. As if I needed to feel any worse about myself right now.
And Chevy won't bloody let up. I don't get why he's taking my
problems so hard. And if he hates me so much, he should just
leave me alone. Before he says something he can't take back. If
he doesn't, then he will regret it badly.
And he ought to look at his own behavior, too... it is far from
spotless. I'm not talking about his relationships with other
people, but his behavior towards people who even vaguely
threaten to upset things, in their own life or other people he
claims to 'know'. And if I have to endure one more of his
'lectures' on proper behavior... Well, more than a stick will
end up rammed up his arse. It's not like he even comes close to
understanding me, let alone the kind of relationship I have with
Dox. He just... ugh.
I do have to wonder if he knows how deeply his words cut,
though. Because they hurt, and badly.
I should go for a run and return to the fencing loft instead of
going back to the academy, but I don't know if Dox will be ok
with that... Blah... why do people have to be so confusing? I
guess that's why I'm here still... I think Dox wanted me to stay
for tomorrow, or some of it. But then he got mad again and told
me to get out, so I did, but I listened to him last time and
this happened...
God, I am so confused. I'll sneak back to the loft, and if its
empty then I'll stay for the night. Dox can deal. If it's Karl,
I'll ask and make sure...if its Dox, I dunno, I'll wait until he
leaves, I guess.
Her email blips with an email from Karl telling her to come back
to the loft, that he thinks she shouldn't leave even if Dox told
her to. She stays.
#Post#: 255--------------------------------------------------
Entry 8: dinner date
By: MissM Date: April 14, 2013, 11:02 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
pre-dinner: I REALLY hope nothing goes to badly at the dinner
with Reese, and Yukito and Erin tonight... I would really like
for it to go well. And I'm not entirely sure, but I think Chevy
and Phoenix are going to be there, too... I hope I can get along
with Chevy, if he shows up. I foresee no real problems with the
rest of them-- not even Phoenix, unless he sides to strongly
with Chevy and refuses to see my perspective at all--but Chevy
might be a real issue.
Post dinner: Yukito walked me home, and I spilled a bloody ton
of my guts to him... god, it felt so relieving... But at the
same time, now I worry sometimes if he's discussing it with
other people. But he wouldn't. Augh. I trust him not to. But
there's also that tiny, awful voice in the back of my mind
that's telling me that nobody else is trustworthy. It hurts.
Most days I silence it, and I can get through it ok.
Tonight was one of those nights. But now I'm coming down, back
to earth, and I'm not so sure.
Is this what it's like to be 'normal'?
#Post#: 264--------------------------------------------------
Entry 9: psych interview (edited to fit plot)
By: MissM Date: April 15, 2013, 12:24 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
WHY did they do this to us?
I mean, I understand the importance, and everything, but if I'm
going to spill my guts, I'd much rather do that with an adult,
than a student. Especially since it was at random...If I don't
trust them I can't really tell them much that they couldn't
figure out on their own.... And if I did know them, unless its
someone who can keep their mouth shut, there would still be a
lot of awkwardness....
I'm just glad I didn't get Chevy... Although Clarence wasn't
much better...
I wish I could apologize to him for brushing off his loss
earlier, but I don't think he'd appreciate it. I was also
thinking more along the lines that he lost everything but now he
has Natalie to help him. I still don't have anyone to be close
to, and every time I try, I am brought up short by the fact that
I can't be comfortable with anyone knowing I'm here for more
than just Enhancement stuff. The doctors still haven't figured
out a way to remove the weapon in my arm safely, without
knocking me out cold. I refuse to let them, unless there is no
other way. I don't know them well enough, and I certainly don't
know anyone in power well enough. And as I am here under my own
power, there is no-one I can trust to be there to help me if
things go wrong and they need to know my mind.
I may leave, after this semester, if I don't find anyone.
Tuition is bloody expensive. And I can find a psychiatrist on my
own.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page