DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
[-- Rosie Rambles;
HTML https://rosierambles.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Inspiration
*****************************************************
#Post#: 8--------------------------------------------------
Lonely lines- mostly dialogue.
By: Rosie Date: January 21, 2011, 4:22 am
---------------------------------------------------------
"I've had sixteen red bulls and I can't feel my eyes."
"Three minutes ago, you were dead."
"...What's your point?"
'Why? Why do you care so much about what I think?'
'Because since you lost your parents, you need someone to care
for you. I guess that someone is me.'
'It was a beautiful day. Which should have been the first
warning that everything was about to go spectacularly wrong,
really'
"No, let him go. If we're lucky, he'll die a horrible death and
we'll never have to see him again."
"Why do they say somebody is late when they're dead? It's not
like they've just been delayed or something. It's not like, hey,
he's late but he'll be here later. Because if somebody is dead,
I sure as heck hope that they're not planning on stopping by."
"My conscience is clear."
"Then your memory sucks."
"Don't ask me to tell you the future. Chances are you don't want
to know."
"Dad, I'm not a crazed gunman. I'm an assassin. What the
difference? One's a job and the other is mental sickness! Put
mom on the phone."
"How is it my fault that you went nuts and mutilated yourself?"
"The emergency room people are very familiar with me and my poor
head"
C1: *C1 points weapon at C2* "Something funny?"
C3: *C3 sights along weapon at C1* "It's funny from this end."
1: "You're nothing but a liar!"
2: "Call me what you want."
1: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."
2: "No, I AM a liar, I was just hoping you'd give me some
synonyms for it."
"What people don't remember is that, on the 8th day, God created
Pizza. It's the only food He created himself. He left the rest
of it for us to figure out."
"But if we were meant to have pizza, why was the wheat on one
continent and the tomatoes on another?"
"That was one of the most dire consequences of original sin. And
so, humanity forgot pizza, until a day came when a man was
raised up as a mighty culinary prophet to whom God said: 'Make a
circle of dough a cubit in diameter, and spread upon it squeezed
tomatoes and cheese, and anything else you would place upon it.
This day I give you back the greatest of that which you lost in
the fall."
"I'm going somewhere else- where my life isn't interrupted by
pointless conversations like this one."
“Don’t you people ever use doors?”
"I'm not going to say this again..."
She raised the handgun, the metal glowing dully in the
moonlight, and pressed it gently against his temple.
"Take. Out. The bins."
"The idea of meeting a person in this place whose first priority
was not to shoot, drug, or dismember him was, by this point,
rather novel."
"See, the trick is to make everyone believe you're a bad liar.
That way, when you're lying about the really big stuff, they'll
believe you."
"I am never trusting anything you say ever again."
"What do we have to lose? Our lives? We got those for free
anyway."
They stood together, hand in hand, and watched the world burn.
"Oh my god, you have NO IDEA how frustrating it is to work with
people who don't KNOW anything!"
C1: "Why didn't you do (task)?"
C2: "Why? You want to know why? Well..." -dramatic pause- "I
forgot. Moving on..."
"Dating a girl four years younger than you is like living in a
Taylor Swift song."
"I've been thinking-"
"Oh, trying something new, are we?"
"I didn't throw it. I dropped it. Sideways."
"If that’s true,” he started in a teasing way. “Then this won’t
mean anything to you.”
My body stiffened instantly; I couldn’t move, I couldn’t
breathe, I couldn’t even find the strength to push him away. I
watched him lean closer, his warm breath tingling on my skin,
his lips gently brushing against mine, surprisingly soft and
tender.
"I heal quickly."
"You were in the hospital with a [insert random injury here] and
a [more random injuries, and suddenly you're out two days
later?"
"...I heal very quickly."
“Don’t you people ever use doors?”
C1- Have you no conscience!
C2 - Of course I do! It's in a little silver box at the back of
my closet screaming, "Let me out, let me out! You're making bad
choices!"
X: He makes a valid point…
Y: First time for everything.
"Quick! Somebody mug somebody! I'm behind on my good deed
quota."
"Just show up and not die. That's all I'm hoping from someone
with the intellect of a jelly doughnut."
"She's got a pack-a-day addiction."
"Bad habit."
"Yeah, expensive, too."
"Could you imagine if she smoked cigarettes the way she chewed
gum? Phewww."
"It always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile, and
I've been having a really bad day. So... would you do me a
favor?"
"Every now and then you come across someone who connects with
you in a way you just didn't think possible. They enter your
mind at random intervals and won't leave without some serious
distraction. They're special. Yes, it's only every now and then
that you meet someone who bugs the crap out of you for no
reason."
"Since you probably won't remember anything tomorrow, this would
be a good time to tell you some bad news."
"What is it?"
"I think I kind of like you."
"Okay, so maybe I crossed the line..."
"Crossed the line? You took a flying LEAP past the line! In moon
shoes and a cape!"
(MC slams head on table.)
“[MC], if you’re trying to make out with the table, I seriously
doubt you’re going to get any kind of response."
“So none of our brains are working today; at least no one feels
left out.”
Char 1: “I wanted to make sure you were alright. You had a
nightmare.”
Char 2: “I did not have a nightmare."
Char 1: “Yes, you did.”
Char 2: "I didn’t have a nightmare.”
Char 1: “Was it about [bad guy]?”
Char 2: “Okay, yeah, sure, fine. It was about [bad guy]. Yeah,
[bad guy] came into my bedroom, served me tea, sang a stupid
song about a bunny and then left. That was my nightmare.”
Char 1: “That does not sound like a nightmare.”
Char 2: “That’s because I didn’t have one. Besides, what do you
know about nightmares?”
(pause)
Char 1: “Nightmares are dreams that go bad. They start out
harmless and then grow worse. You find you can’t breathe. You
start sweating. You want to get out but you can’t. The darkness
grows deeper and chokes you. There’s pain. And fear. And you
feel like you can’t escape.
“The fear grows into despair and you’re afraid of falling. Of
running. You run until you can’t anymore. You cry out but no one
hears you. No one can save you. You’re always taken back to
where they hurt you. To where they try to kill you. And you
can’t escape. You can never escape.”
(pause)
Char 2: “What happens then?”
Char 1: “Then you wake up.”
"Give me the coffee, and I will allow you to continue to
breathe."
Character 1: “That’s a very pessimistic view on things, don’t
you think?”
Character 2: “Yes, well, I’m a very pessimistic sort of man."
“MC... let me ask you again.. .what have you got to lose?”
“Lots! Limbs! Eyes! Internal organs! I happen to be very fond of
all of those!”
"WHO THE HELL MADE ME DECAF?"
C1: "I'm doomed. "
C2: "You are so not. you just need some more time. Preferably as
long as it takes for ants to eat him. "
C1: I'M DRUNK!
C2: Yes, we're aware that you're drunk, C1.
C1: I KNOW! That's because I ANNOUNCED it!
"If anyone messes with you, he'll have us to deal with."
"If anyone messes with me, he'll have me to deal with. That will
be plenty."
C1: -walks into kitchen in the middle of the night, looks up to
see C2 reading at the table.-"Ah! God, it's four in the morning.
Do you ever sleep?"
C2: -without looking up- "No. Do you mind? This is a rather
interesting book and I'd like to finish it before I make
breakfast."
C1: Don't you just love Skittles? They're so flavorful and...
C2: Gay.
C1: What?
C2: I mean, "Taste the Rainbow"? Could it be a more obvious
attempt at turning the entire world into homos?
C1: Um...
"If we weren't in a public setting right now, I would definitely
be giving you an obscene hand gesture."
“I completely know where I’m going. Jeez.”
“Oh yeah? Where are you going?”
C1 gestures in front. “That direction. Honestly.”
"As long as I'm not dead and six feet under the ground, I don't
care how we go about it.”
C1: I thought you hated my guts.
C2: You're right. I do hate your guts.
C1: ...
C2: But I don't hate you.
“For our tomorrow they gave their today.”
MC1: "You confuse me."
MC2: "How so?"
MC1: "Sometimes you irritate the hell out of me. But then
sometimes I just want to kiss you."
MC2: *stunned*
"I want to be able to pull you into my arms and kiss you, until
our kids get older and tell us to get a room."
*Looking at your choice of beautiful thing.*
FC: They're beautiful.
MC: Not as beautiful as you.
FC: ....
MC: You're doing your best not to cringe, aren't you.
FC: Only because I care.
"I know I don't have much to offer. You don't make my heart
skip. You don't make the sun shine. Happiness is uncomfortable
to me, I've forgotten what it feels like. Still, sometimes I
think you can make me remember."
"I don’t know what I would do if I lost you. But if it was my
fault I think I would probably go crazy."
"I don’t blame you for being mad at me…" (Hesitates) "…and I
won’t say I didn’t do anything wrong because I know I did… but
I’m sorry…. And if you really want… want me out of your… your
life… then I’ll go.”
A: "All the wrong people fall in love."
B: "That's a horrible thing to say."
A: "Well it's true! They either take it for granted or they
don't know what love is in the first place or they don't know
what they're doing and completely devastate it. Then those of us
who actually deserve a chance... never get one!"
B: "Oh? You think you deserve to be in love?"
A: "Well- yeah!"
B: "With whom?"
A: "With youm, you grammar nerd!"
"I can't imagine being with anyone but you."
"What does that say about you?"
"That I'm messed up and crazy and I'll never fit in with normal
people. But around you...I don't have to."
"You touch him again, and I will make you pay. You come near him
again, you talk to him again, you so much as look at him
cross-eyed, and I will make you wish you had never been born. Do
you understand me?"
"What makes you think he wants your protection?"
"At this point, here, he's all I've got. And if he doesn't want
my protection, he'd better get used to the idea. I'm not going
to let you hurt him--physically, mentally, whatever, I don't
care--without a fight."
"The only thing worse than a villain... is a hero."
C1: Only insane people could be proud of your plan.
C2: I feel pretty proud.
C1: Point proven.
"They're either going to really like each other... or want to
rip each other's faces off. I'm taking bets."
"I would go crazy, but I already have, so I'm guilt-free."
"It looks like Christmas exploded in your backpack."
"And what, you're saying I'm not smart?"
"No comment."
He leaned away suddenly, making a derisive sound deep in his
throat. “If you think I’m going to kiss you right now, you’re
wrong.”
The microwave had two settings: "off", and "detonate".
"Huh. Well. Last time, it didn't explode quite that much."
C1: "What's your definition of hell?"
C2: "Anywhere near you."
C1: "I've got bad news, buddy."
C1: "We're going to die."
C2: "Of course we're not. We're going to survive. Good always
wins, remember?"
C1: "This isn't a Disney Movie!"
C2: "Says who?"
"It's not the dying part that has me bothered here! I just can't
believe I died on a freaking -Saturday!!"
"The third time I died was because of Jennifer Lopez.
Indirectly. Actually, it has more to do with one of her pefumes,
considering that I bought the bottle from a store in a country
the woman in question most probably hasn't even heard about."
"No. I don't know where I am. My eyes are closed, see?"
“It’s as if the universe is conspiring to keep me alive.”
"Did you just… lick me?”
"Don’t mind me. I’m very flammable.”
"What are you doing?”
“It’s ‘Write to an Old Person’ Day.”
"We have to sacrifice ourselves to save the world!”
“Couldn’t we just press that button that says ‘Save the World’?”
“No!”
“Why not?”
“That’s way too anticlimactic!”
"I’ll have you know I am exceedingly good at taking hostages!”
Jeez. You kill someone all of one time, and suddenly they think
it’s okay to stalk you forever.
"Are you okay in there?”
“Um, no… I may have just sold my soul to the devil.”
“…Yeah, that’s called murder, and it’s generally frowned upon by
society.”
"Oh! I love the incest here."
C1: "Well, how good do you think {C2}'s aim would be with a
bullet in the chest?"
C3: "Too good. Trust me."
{C1} quickly hid the evidence s/he had gathered and stood up. It
would only be a matter of time until-
-door clicks open-
{C2} returned. Well, -explicitive-.
"Well then, you sound like quite the seasoned traveler. But I
bet you've never seen anything like...THIS!" *reveals
strange/ridiculous object*
C1: "C2, please tell me you didn't rob that
[church/orphanage/random good person's house]."
C2: "I would, but then I'd be lying, and you're already mad
enough at me over all the other stuff I've been doing."
During a long, dramatic speech:
C1: *interrupts* Do you have a band aid?
Character making speech: *stares*
C1: Sorry, it's just that I just ripped off a hangnail, and now
my finger's bleeding.
"He'll never hit me from that fa-"
Nancy: “Hey, Roger, you wanna come help me with this body?”
Roger: “I'd love to help you with your body. What exactly would
you like me to do to it?”
Nancy: “Not my body, you dimwitted degenerate. The dead body.”
Roger: “I think that poor individual is beyond our help.”
Nancy: “I want you to help me hide it.”
Roger: “Hide it from whom?”
Nancy: “Well, His Holiness the Pope is coming round tomorrow,
and I thought the house ought to at least appear to be
corpse-free.”
Roger: “...what?”
Nancy: “If you don't help me drag this body downstairs right now
I'm going to kick you squarely in the testicles.”
Roger: “I'll just grab the feet then, shall I?”
C1: So how did you get those stitches on your butt again?
C2: *Cranky* Dog bite.
C2: Oh... *giggling* So, let me guess, a huge Doberman got you
as you were trying to run away from it?
C1: *annoyed* No, my Aunt Gregoria's Pomeranian sneak attacked
me in the shower. Don't ask how he got in the bathroom though...
That thing Houdinis its way into wherever my ass happens to be!
"Don't worry. I never lose."
"But what if you do?"
"Then you will have been witness to the single most unlikely
thing to ever happen."
If you’re on the run, the best place to go is a bar, because
everyone is too drunk to notice a criminal walk in.
"Can you be calm for two seconds?"
"I dont want to be calm! I wanna be CRAAAAAAAAAAZY!"
"What do we have to lose? Our lives? We got those for free
anyway."
"The idea of meeting a person in this place whose first priority
was not to shoot, drug, or dismember him was, by this point,
rather novel."
"There's a very fine line between being brave, being stupid and
being f**king insane."
C1: “Oh, good. I was hoping to add theft, endangerment and
general INSANITY to my list of things to do today.”
C2: “You too?”
“Oh, great. I built two little bombs, one of which doesn’t even
go off, and suddenly I’m a terrorist.”
"Anyone with half a brain cell can see that."
C1 about C3: “Wow. Somebody’s angry.”
C2: “And we didn’t even do anything yet.”
#Post#: 9--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lonely lines- mostly dialogue.
By: Rosie Date: January 21, 2011, 4:41 am
---------------------------------------------------------
"You have the attention span of a goldfish with Alzheimer's."
I like my women like I like my coffee. Cold and bitter.
"I swear, if he takes another step towards me, I shall shoot
him. In the face. With a missile."
"Female Character: What's it like having a mind of pure filth?
Male Character: Endlessly entertaining."
"...no, please. Go on. I find your tale absolutely enthralling."
"You're joking."
"What? Yes, I know it LOOKS like I was in the middle of nine
thousand, three hundred and twenty-seven things, but I'm not
busy. Really. Do come in."
"You know what, ____? Every time you open your mouth, all I hear
is 'PunchmePunchmePunchmePunchmePunchmePunchme.'"
Character A: "Why are we doing this, anyway?"
Character B: "What, fishing? We're fishing because we're hungry.
As soon as we have enough food, we'll cook it and make meals out
of it. I assume you know what meals are?"
"Good morning. I see the assassins have failed again."
"Having a decent conversation every six months makes him/her/you
my dentist, not my BFF."
I use the line "and how is that working out for you?" or "how
did that work for you?" a lot. XD
C1: *says something stupid*
C2: Okay, you /stop/ the Q-tip when there's resistance.
"Gee thanks, [Character]. I can always count on you to take my
day and wrap it in sunshine."
- [Character] was bored. He/She had the attention span of a
gnat. A gnat with ADHD.
- Man: You're very beautiful.
Woman: *flashes wedding ring* I'm also very married.
Man: *gasps and backs away*
Woman: I know, it's like kryptonite, isn't it?
C1: "I wish you would learn to grow up."
C2: "I wish you weren't such a butt!"
"At least in a Zombie apocalypse, you'd be safe. They only eat
brains, after all."
"Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives."
"I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode."
"I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception
problem."
"Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young."
"There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a
suitable application of high explosives. "
"A word to the wise - Never argue with an idiot. They drag you
down to their level. "
#Post#: 10--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lonely lines- mostly dialogue.
By: Rosie Date: January 22, 2011, 2:13 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
"Well, aren't you a living,breathing bad-boy archytype."
Female Character: What's it like having a mind of pure filth?
Male Character: Endlessly entertaining.
Mother: Hey, if it wasn't for me, you'd still be sucking your
thumb.
Character: I was three and you told me that everytime I sucked
my thumb, a puppy died.
Mother: And did you do it anymore? You're welcome!
"You didn't REALLY think that was gonna work, did you?"
"I was kinda hoping for that famous million-to-one chance..."
"...Remind me to never take you to the casino or race
tracks..."
"I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist. Life sucking doesn't make
me all emo and gloomy."
"I wouldn't touch you with a twenty foot long barge pole." I let
my eyes drift lower. "And I wouldn't touch that if you scrubbed
it in bleach and laminated it."
C1: "Talking to yourself again?"
C2: "No. Just telling Satan that I'll do him a trade: my soul
for your death."
C1: "You're so hilarious. Seriously. Just can't stop laughing
over here."
C2: "How nice you can be so optimistic about your inevitable
demise."
C1: "I love you, C2. I know we've had our hardships, and I know
it's crazy that I'm admitting this now, when it seems like we
can't do anything at all and you probably hate me, but it's the
truth. I really, really do love you, and I... I wanted you to
know that. I'm so sorry I never told you this before. I-I just
thought that maybe now, maybe it would--oh my god, are you
crying?"
C2: "What? No, I yawned and my eyes watered. You're really dull,
did you know that? I'm falling asleep on my feet here."
C1: "Hold on, I need to get my emo music."
C1: "I really like your hair."
C2: "Oh. Thanks."
C1: "It just looks nice."
C2 (grinning): "Yeah, well, I grew it myself."
C1: "You know what I want? A slow-mo machine. That way, whenever
I wanna do something awesome, I can do it in slow-motion and be
even MORE awesome."
C2: "Or sound like the Hulk."
C1: "Even better!"
C1: "So I hear that when Death comes for you, you can challenge
him to a game so you can keep your soul."
C2: "Yeah?"
C1: "I'm a beast at Hungry Hungry Hippos."
This is the most pathetic romantic letter ever. 'Eyes like
melted chocolate... hair like spun gold...'. Are you only
capable of describing true love in terms of food and rocks?
"Virginity? Yeah, I lost it quite a while ago. Last saw it at
home somewhere. Why, did you want it?"
"Whatchu gonna do about it?"
"I will punch you in every genital you own."
"What-"
"Every. Genital. You. Own."
I would explain it to you, but I am fresh out of crayons.
Precocious 7-year-old reading a joke book: "Is 'The Other Side'
in the joke -death-? Was the chicken run over by a car!? This is
a violent joke book!"
Feminist: "Ugh! Why did the first human have to be a MAN who had
his rib ripped out to make a woman?"
Man: "Because only men look good in scars."
Character 1: "My life is a joke."
Character 2: "And you know the worst part about it?"
C1: "What?"
C2: "It's a knock-knock joke."
"There's no such thing as a stupid question. *pauses* Is there?"
"Heh. I you were actually funny for once."
"You're not allowed to be hip! You're over 40!"
"Take him? Yeah, sure. Of course I could. Oh, and I've always
wanted to sip jello through a straw for the rest of my life..."
CH1: "You're the reason we can never have nice things."
CH2: "I thought it was because the bad guys keep blowing up our
shit."
"Can't we go anywhere without you getting arrested?"
(After seeing a picture of their current "client")
CH1: "We might have a problem - this guy, he and I sorta have a
history."
CH2: "Lemme guess, you stole his grandma's silver?"
CH1: "I took a baseball bat to his windshield."
*pause*
CH2: "Does he know you did it?"
CH1: "He should, he was in the car at the time."
(CH accidentally scares a teammate in training; she falls)
CH1: "I've never actually HEARD someone break their ass before."
CH2: "Shut up, [name]."
CH1: "No, really. Did'ja put a crack in it?"
CH1: "This guy's a few fries short of a Happy Meal."
CH2: "Yeah, after it's been chucked out the window and run over
on the freeway."
CH1: "Oh, no WAY! Are you guys SEEING this?!?"
CH2: "No, [name], we've completely missed the fact that we're
being attacked by *a giant, rocket-launching teddy bear."
*insert life-threatening situation of your choice
CH1: "Who'd want to invent an ACTUAL brainwasher?"
CH2: *raises hand* "Anyone who's seen [name] in tight pants?"
CH1: "Scope is connected to the, la-ser. Laser's connected to
the, bar-rel - "
CH2: "You are a very disturbed individual."
(Baddie monologuing about how they'll destroy the good guy(s))
"And if that doesn't work, you can always just sit on us,
lard-arse."
CH1: "Wait - you mean I can puncture the space-time continuum?!?
Awesome!"
CH2: "Now if you could only break the smart barrier."
CH1: "There's *a pack of zombies trashing the local craft
store."
CH2: "Crap, it's Tuesday already?"
"Hey, can you pick me up? I'm in a ditch somewhere.."
"That doesn't really help me."
"I'm right under the mooooon..."
CH1: I had a dream that I was you.
CH2: Really?
CH1: Yeah...it was like I was an insect of some sort. I was so
stupid, I didn't have the brain capacity to understand exactly
how unintelligent I was.
CH2: *inflicts injury of choice on CH1*
"I sure hope you have stupid insurance. 'Cause this idea is
probably really terrible."
"Man, lady." <-- actually said by me
"So Daniel is Uncanny Danny, and you're Little Missy Chrissy. I
was going to make a nickname for myself, but I don't want to be
arrogant. There's not much that rhymes with Bexy..."
CH1: Knock-knock.
CH2: Who's there?
CH1: Interrupting completely uncalled for.
CH2: Interrupting--*gets slapped by CH1*
"I'm sure. I'm as sure as I am positive that 2+2 equals five - I
mean four! FOUR!"
C1: I love you.
C2: I tolerate your existence.
“Hey! Don’t mock [my car]. It’s faithfully served us all these
years, hasn’t it?”
“It’s a car, not an aging butler."
When life hands you lemons, squirt the juice in his eyes and ask
him why on earth he gave you such an ugly face.
C1: *is about to kill him/herself*
C2: I you're really going to kill yourself, I'm going to
reanimate you, AND KILL YOU AGAIN!
"I was dead. You can imagine I was a little annoyed by that at
first."
C1: "Wait right there, let me get my camera. This is a Kodak
moment."
C2: "Oh yeah, [insert gross/violent activity here] is perfect
for your scrapbook of happy family memories.
C1: You're an ass! Stop being an ass, you ass!
C2: You know, sometimes your brain is amazingly eloquent. I mean
really, it's astounding!
He's so far in the closet, he's practicaly in Narnia!
"You don't have to be gay to like that dress, but it helps."
"Due to circumstances within my control, I'm going to smack you
in the mouth."
"Contrary to popular belief God's last name isn't Damnit."
"Ahh London, I spent a month there one week."
"Sex without love is an empty experience, by my mother always
said to try new experiences."
"Jesus paid for our sins, and I for one am going to get our
moneys worth."
"Good Guy, Bad Guy. What matters is I'm the guy with the gun."
"What did your last slave die of?"
"Exhaustion."
"Damn it Carl! How many times do I have to tell you! Pillage
THEN burn."
Tech Support: "Can you please boot the computer?"
Caller: WHAM "Nope that didn't work."
"She has two brains, ones lost and the other is out looking for
it."
"Can you sing tenor?" ... "Ten or Twelve miles from me?"
"Everyone is entitled to be stupid but you're taking the piss."
C1: Hi Mrs. __, how are you?
(Mother of)C2: I'm dying everyday.
C1:...What?
Mother of C2: I'm living. I'm growing old. I'm dying everyday.
C1: I'm uh, sorry to hear that.
Mother of C2: Thank you for your concern, __. That's very nice
of you to say.
C1: Is __ there?
Mother: Sure.
C2: Hey.
C1: Hey, your mom just told me-
C2: She's dying. Yeah, I know. Yesterday she was on strike from
cooking. Dad nearly burnt the house down making Kraft Dinner.
Don't worry about it.
"The traffic light isn't just a suggestion, you know."
“I’ve actually been alive for a long time,” he said,
repositioning his pipe. “But contrary to what you might think, I
don’t remember everything I’ve lived through. Do remember most
things when you were two? That’s how it’s like for me. I don’t
remember things when I was one hundred. That was about four
hundred years ago.”
Apparently, responsible is not the new sexy.
"If there was a procrastination contest, I wouldn't win it,
because I'd put off entering the contest until it was too late."
"Screw that. No, wait, don't screw it. It's not worth screwing."
C1: Fuck you.
C2: Sorry, I don't fuck idiots.
C1: You're a huge pain in the ass, you know that?
C2: Then stop sitting on me.
Optimists say that once you've hit rock bottom the only way to
go is up. Pessimists say, "There's always the pits of Hell."
"My job is like...an easter egg hunt. I go searching for these
*things*, and when I find them I have no idea what is
inside...just that it's going to make it all worth it."
"Oh. Well, that explains why you act like a five year old and
are attracted to bright, colorful, plastic things."
"What? Like you didn't walk around with a scarf over your eyes
as a little kid, pretending you were blind?"
"Becoming rich didn't make me insufferable; I've always been
this way."
C1: Aw... he's cute.
C2: He's gay.
C1: What? He is not!
C2: He is gay. But he's so far back in the closet he found the
way to Narnia.
C1: How do you spell orange?
C2: O-R-A-N-G-E.
C1: ...No, not the fruit, the color.
C2: ...*sigh*
C1: Okay. I know this is going to sound weird but... I think the
microwave is trying to kill me.
C2: At least it's not the oven. The microwave will probably kill
you in a lot less time.
C1: Can't you see? I have the body of a god!
C2: ...Buddha?
C1: If you had no foot on your leg, would you still wear a shoe?
C2: ...No?
C1: Then stop wearing a bra.
"He's the kind of character that grows on you. Like cancer."
"Did you just deposit the rest of your IQ points into the Bank
of Stupid?"
"Sir I find your silhouette quite attractive but if you could
show yourself we could have some real fun."
" I wish I could say something about your personality but
calling you bitchy doesn't seem like much of a selling point."
" God may make no mistakes but if he made you he has quite the
sense of humour."
" This shotgun is my master key, any lock opens magically when I
blow a door off it's hinges."
" Next time we share drinks I will make bloody sure I force feed
you a molotov Cocktail."
'Sometimes I can understand people, people like you, fall into
that category of the simpleton."
"I'm sorry, I don't do hero. You, distressful damsel, can solve
problems on your own."
Of course I wasn't sleeping. No one's ever sleeping at three in
the morning.
C1: There are no words to describe how disgusting you are.
C2: Yes, there are. You just never learned them.
C1: You make me want to puke.
C2: You make me think that somebody already did.
C1: "How much does an assassin cost?"
C2: "Free -- if you hire another one."
*said by angry authority figure* "You think you're cute don't
you?"
"As a puppy."
"Wait! Wait! I think I actually feel happy!" *burps* "Nevermind,
it was just indigestion."
CH1: "I didn't steal it. I just borrowed it without permission."
CH2: "So not stealing... but stealing?"
Oh, that was the Charlie I knew. Always so nonchalant. He could
have a dog biting his foot and all he would say was, “Mind
lending a hand?"
~"Where's my coffee?!"
"Sir, you ordered tea."
~"Eighteen-year-olds have the tendency to act as if they don't
have a brain."
C1: "My peas are flourishing, and my other plants are... not."
C2: "By 'flourishing' you mean 'not dead', right?"
C1: "...Right."
"When I said 'death' before 'dishonor,' I meant alphabetically."
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to
appreciate it."
"Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are
perfect."
I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids."
"Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded."
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory
goes, and I can't remember the other two..."
"I did not fall, I attacked the floor."
Character 1: Oh, don't worry about the (freaky large
creature/monster). He wouldn't hurt a fly.
*Screaming, pandemonium, chomping and chewing noises are made as
they watch same creature/monster eat someone*
Char. 2: I thought you said that it was harmless!
Char.1: No, I said that he wouldn't hurt a fly. He's allergic to
insects, you see.
(Conversation on phone: C1 thinks C2 is lost.)
C1: What state are you in?
C2: Insanity.
"If you need me, I'll be taking this cigarette for a walk."
Mother: "I couldn't wait for you to be born."
Child: "Because you loved me?"
Mother: "No, because I wanted to be skinny again."
*****************************************************