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#Post#: 661--------------------------------------------------
GMIL.. hmmm
DIR By: vTenebrae
Date: March 8, 2012, 12:41 pm
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We are estranged from my husband's grandmother. It's a long
story, but we'll leave it at we haven't spoken a word to her in
over a year, she hasn't met her 8 month old great granddaughter,
& a written note to her went completely ignored (written before
baby was born) Some ppl may remember this story, I've told it.
Well, most of my husband's relatives live in her state. We plan
to visit in May so family can meet the baby. It's a long trip
and with work & school this most everyone's first chance to see
her.
Here's the problem: GMIL is right next door to someone we want
to visit. A neutral location is not an option because the person
we'd be visiting is a housebound invalid.
What the heck do we do? The other lady is sweet & wonderful.
She can't wait to see the baby. I don't want to avoid her...
but there is potential for drama.
#Post#: 664--------------------------------------------------
Re: GMIL.. hmmm
DIR By: Giggle Loop
Date: March 8, 2012, 12:43 pm
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Go, have a wonderful visit, and ignore GMIL. If she's going to
be like this, you don't have to talk to her. If the person you
are visiting brings it up, just say you'd rather not talk about
it.
#Post#: 740--------------------------------------------------
Re: GMIL.. hmmm
DIR By: The Duck
Date: March 8, 2012, 4:33 pm
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Go visit the lady.
Just because you are near by does not mean that you have to see
grandma.
#Post#: 797--------------------------------------------------
Re: GMIL.. hmmm
DIR By: Jabberwock
Date: March 8, 2012, 7:02 pm
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Are you concerned that your relative might invite your GMIL over
as well, or are you just feeling weird that you'll be so close
without seeing her? If it's the first, then I think you'd be
fine to mention to your relative that you'd rather keep the
visit to her and you. If it's the second, then just go, and try
your best not to feel guilty- GMIL's treatment of you makes it
reasonable for you to not visit her.
#Post#: 808--------------------------------------------------
Re: GMIL.. hmmm
DIR By: BuddyCat
Date: March 8, 2012, 7:31 pm
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Well, it sounds like she's completely ignoring you. What type of
drama do you think could happen? Would she make a scene while
you're visiting the other lady? Or would it be more collateral
damage type of drama-where the fallout would happen after the
fact or to other people who would blame you?
#Post#: 816--------------------------------------------------
Re: GMIL.. hmmm
DIR By: vTenebrae
Date: March 8, 2012, 7:57 pm
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Eh, she's not COMPLETELY ignoring us. That would make it too
easy. She's still on FB as my friend (I just can't bring myself
to remove her, no idea why) and she posts comments from time to
time. She knows we're making plans to go up there.
I sent her a message back in June of last year, regarding all
the issues we'd had. I wasn't rude, I wasn't insulting. (I had
people read it over to make sure I wasn't being vindictive, just
airing out the hurt feelings she'd caused me) All she had to do
was reply. Even a half assed, insincere apology - but with some
changes in how she acted in our home - would have been fine.
Nothing - but she posts on my wall/comments to pictures like
nothing's going on.
I don't want drama within the family... but she's a MAJOR
gossip. On top of that, she LOVES to play victim and exaggerate
everything. It's a *small* town..
That's our concern.. we're not sure if we should say anything to
her, or just show up and take whatever fallout comes. If we DO
have to say something... what?
#Post#: 869--------------------------------------------------
Re: GMIL.. hmmm
DIR By: aventurine
Date: March 9, 2012, 3:59 am
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Ugh. Family drama + small town = no way to win. I'd go and
ignore her. She's going to do what she wants to do, and $10
says she's already got it all planned out. The best you can
hope for is to stick to non-committal responses. Me, I'd do my
best to avoid "giving her a victory," whether that means holding
the baby or getting a rise out of you or whatever she's wont to
do, but you may have to let her play whatever game she likes if
that's the price of visiting your friend, and it sounds like
it's worth it to you.
#Post#: 917--------------------------------------------------
Re: GMIL.. hmmm
DIR By: PurpleLlama
Date: March 9, 2012, 11:02 am
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Have you told your family and/or friends what she did to you?
Sorry, don't recall the background story, but is it something
that you can just tell people you are estranged because she
treated you badly, and you don't want to put up with her
behaviour to you, and prefer to avoid her company?
#Post#: 1013--------------------------------------------------
Re: GMIL.. hmmm
DIR By: BuddyCat
Date: March 9, 2012, 6:00 pm
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Me...I'd probably post on Facebook about the upcoming trip and I
can't wait to see this person, that person,
person-who-lives-next-to-grandma....and see where that goes.
Otherwise, I wouldn't say anything ahead of time and would just
go ahead with our plans, but I'm not a confrontational person.
#Post#: 1025--------------------------------------------------
Re: GMIL.. hmmm
DIR By: vTenebrae
Date: March 9, 2012, 8:24 pm
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--- Quote from: PurpleLlama link ---
>
> Have you told your family and/or friends what she did to you?
>
> Sorry, don't recall the background story, but is it something
that you can just tell people you are estranged because she
treated you badly, and you don't want to put up with her
behaviour to you, and prefer to avoid her company?
>
--- End Quote ---
We don't have a whole lot of contact with everyone. People KNOW
she's a nasty piece of work and a gossip. Yes, everyone knows
how she is... however, I have a couple of huge hits against me,
that make people more likely to listen to her nonsense -- or, at
the very least, look at me askance.
I'm Pagan, divorced, and my husband is 14 years my junior. Gods
know that means I have no manners, no upbringing, and am the
epitome of evil. (It is a midwestern small town with 12 churches
and a population of 2000)
We just want to go, have a nice visit with family and friends
who actually love and respect us. You know the people who
actually got to know me before deciding the kind of person I am
- without stupid drama.
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