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#Post#: 304--------------------------------------------------
Overnight Visits: Broaching the Topic
DIR By: stars afire
Date: March 7, 2012, 4:10 pm
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So, how do you bring up the topic of an overnight visit for the
first time?
Context: I'm in an open relationship, so I'm frequently dating.
I often find myself in the awkward position of having to be the
one to suggest an overnight stay (for the sake of travel
logistics) and I find myself a little at sea. While it's
impolite to invite oneself to someone else's home, it's rather a
given that if sex is going to happen, one will already be *in*
the other person's home -- and I prefer to know up front whether
I need to find a way home afterward.
Thoughts? Ideas? Shared experiences?
#Post#: 313--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overnight Visits: Broaching the Topic
DIR By: hot_shaker
Date: March 7, 2012, 4:17 pm
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This falls more in the gray area of relationships. While it
would normally be rude to invite yourself to spend the night at
an acquaintance's/relative's house, I think you're okay being
forward here. I think simply asking something like "Would you
mind if stayed over?" is the way to go. IME upfront is always
the way to go and should make the situation less awkward for
everyone involved.
#Post#: 348--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overnight Visits: Broaching the Topic
DIR By: G-Lady
Date: March 7, 2012, 4:50 pm
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What hot_shaker said.
Of course, if you're driving yourself over to his place, it
wouldn't hurt to have an overnight bag with you just in case.
(Don't forget to bring your own protection!)
#Post#: 401--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overnight Visits: Broaching the Topic
DIR By: yep
Date: March 7, 2012, 7:50 pm
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"Should I pack a bag?"
"Do you think I'll need my jammies, or will you be cool if I
grab a t-shirt and boxers of yours?"
"Remind me to grab my toothbrush(hairbrush, etc)"
Or, do it the way I used to "So, is there gonna be morning sex
included in this date?"
There comes a point when etiquette is less important than
getting a direct answer.
#Post#: 487--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overnight Visits: Broaching the Topic
DIR By: stars afire
Date: March 7, 2012, 11:06 pm
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--- Quote from: yep link ---
>
> "Should I pack a bag?"
> "Do you think I'll need my jammies, or will you be cool if I
grab a t-shirt and boxers of yours?"
> "Remind me to grab my toothbrush(hairbrush, etc)"
> Or, do it the way I used to "So, is there gonna be morning sex
included in this date?"
>
> There comes a point when etiquette is less important than
getting a direct answer.
>
--- End Quote ---
I like these! Especially the last one. :)
Thanks, everyone, for the suggestions and advice. (And yes, I
don't trust anyone else's protection -- those things have
expiration dates!) ;)
#Post#: 529--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overnight Visits: Broaching the Topic
DIR By: StarFaerie
Date: March 8, 2012, 1:32 am
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I always assume that any tryst involves an overnight stay as I
get sleepy afterwards. But if I have to bring it up I'll usually
just ask whether I should bring breakfast or does he have some?
#Post#: 847--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overnight Visits: Broaching the Topic
DIR By: HighPriestess
Date: March 8, 2012, 11:19 pm
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yeah i just assumed i would stay. even in my more promiscuous
days. Actually the only time i can think of a time when I did
not stay was with my current dude. We have off sleep cycles and
sometimes go home.
I like other people's suggestions about breakfast and packing a
bag. Agreed, this is someone you are going to have sex with. I
think it's ok to be upfront.
#Post#: 1597--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overnight Visits: Broaching the Topic
DIR By: Auntie Venom
Date: March 13, 2012, 3:04 pm
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With my "other" I just asked outright if he minded if I crashed
the first time I went out there. He lives about an hour away and
we are both professional insomniacs so driving home would have
been a bit of a trick. I still ask if he minds if I stay over,
and we've been together long enough that I have my own cabinet
in the bathroom so that all I have to worry about is clothes
and....well...we'll leave it at clothes.
#Post#: 1713--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overnight Visits: Broaching the Topic
DIR By: TurtleDove
Date: March 14, 2012, 9:39 am
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I think it makes a difference if there are children involved -
my SO only very rarely stays over, and vice versa, because there
are kids in both of our houses and we don't want to confuse
them. But that was something we discussed very early on and
agreed on. I think regardless of the other factors (roommates,
kids, even pets) you should feel comfortable just asking
straight up what the plan is. Personally, I would have been
seriously offended if my SO had simply kicked me out after
kickin' it with no explanation, but his reasoning made and makes
sense to me (he has teenage kids whom he shares custody of and
who often drop by when it is not his week, just because....now
that would be awkward, KWIM)?
#Post#: 1862--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overnight Visits: Broaching the Topic
DIR By: Auntie Venom
Date: March 15, 2012, 3:44 pm
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My boyfriend and I have a strict no kids policy. I don't go out
there when he's got his kids and he's not going to be meeting
mine. We don't think that it's appropriate, given the nature of
our relationship.
I could understand a long term dating partner spending the night
with kids at home, but not a hookup.
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