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#Post#: 2219--------------------------------------------------
Dealing with In Laws
DIR By: Winelover
Date: March 22, 2012, 10:09 am
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Everytime we are invited over to my sister's her husband's side
of the family is there. His dad is the only one that
acknowledges us while we are there. Our kids are not spoken to
by his family and 99 % of the time neither are we. It's
uncomfortable to be at a person's home and not have 6 -7 people
not talk to you. We've never done anything to them and honestly
I'm not sure why they don't talk to us. They tend to take over
the couch/TV area and always have their backs to us. There are
some things that we we will all attend like my nephew's b-day
party but I don't want to see them for the 4th of July picnic or
the Memorial Day party. I know I can turn down these invites or
just plan to have them at my house so they aren't included but
is there anything else I can do to handle this? I really don't
want to say anything to my sister.
#Post#: 2222--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with In Laws
DIR By: G-Lady
Date: March 22, 2012, 10:17 am
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I'm assuming you've attempted to make small talk with her In
Laws. It's possible that they're very introverted. Or they
could just not enjoy conversations and prefer to be entertained
by the TV. Since the father acknowledges you, he might be more
open than the others to chatting.
Could there be a cultural difference? Not just in ethnic
background, but regional or religious differences?
You said you don't want to talk to your sister about it, but
unless you do talk to her, you won't get any insight into what's
going on.
You can decline invitations to your sister's home and hope that
she'll eventually ask why you keep turning her down. But I
think it would be better to just be honest with her.
#Post#: 2226--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with In Laws
DIR By: Winelover
Date: March 22, 2012, 10:48 am
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G-lady, I tried to quote you but couldn't.
They take among themselves alot and talk to the kids (my nephew
and his cousin). My BIL's brother usually takes over the remote
and flips through the stations looking for a sporting event to
watch. My sister mentioned to me about 3 years ago or so that
she was having something at her house and his family all went
into the basement and hung out down there without interacting
with the other guests. She was quite embarassed about it. I
don't know if she ever brought it up to her husband though I'm
guessing she did.
My BIL is half peruvian and guatamalian (SP for sure). His dad
is really nice and comes over to me with a hug and a kiss and
makes sure to interact with our kids a little. I just always
feel unwelcome when over there not by the hosts but the majority
of their guests and that's not right.
I don't really know what to say to my sister. I don't want to
stress her out and have her worry (she has enough worry when my
mom is invited to things and her behavior) about how a party
will go if we are there and if my BIL hears about it well it
could go good or bad. Not really sure which.
#Post#: 2235--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with In Laws
DIR By: Swan Swan H
Date: March 22, 2012, 4:02 pm
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You can quote if you go to your settings and turn off quick
reply!
I would speak to your sister. Do it when you are not upset, be
factual and stress it's not her fault.
Or just stop going, but I think talking to her first would be a
much better option.
#Post#: 2247--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with In Laws
DIR By: G-Lady
Date: March 23, 2012, 12:25 pm
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Could be a cultural difference, but I would still talk to your
sister. Pick a time when you're not trying to plan a visit.
#Post#: 2253--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with In Laws
DIR By: Nerdling
Date: March 23, 2012, 3:03 pm
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I think it would be good to talk with your sister. Maybe the
two of you can work together to find a way to alleviate feeling
like you're being ignored. It might help her to have an ally in
the fight, too, because it sounds like something that bothers
her, as well. Two heads are better than one, right?
#Post#: 2259--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with In Laws
DIR By: Jabberwock
Date: March 23, 2012, 6:02 pm
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I think it's fine to cut back a bit on when you go, and maybe
try to invite your sister over to your place a bit more to make
up for seeing her less. I totally understand why you feel
awkward, and they're being very rude, but perhaps it would help
if you lower your expectations of them a bit. If you expect them
to behave this way and just focus on having a good time with
your sister it may start to feel less awkward for you.
#Post#: 2453--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dealing with In Laws
DIR By: HeavyMetalWino
Date: March 31, 2012, 10:09 am
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--- Quote from: Nerdling link ---
>
> I think it would be good to talk with your sister. Maybe the
two of you can work together to find a way to alleviate feeling
like you're being ignored. It might help her to have an ally in
the fight, too, because it sounds like something that bothers
her, as well. Two heads are better than one, right?
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree. It sure isn't her fault.
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