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#Post#: 2166--------------------------------------------------
When to finish gift giving as children grow up
DIR By: Forsythia
Date: March 21, 2012, 7:42 am
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My husband had always sent cards with a check to each of his
young cousins on their birthdays. He never had a clear cut off
date in mind, so he just kept doing it. Last year, his 21 year
old cousin got married and had a baby. So as her birthday
approached this year, he suddenly wasn't sure if he should still
send her a gift. He questioned whether he would be rude to not
also send a card and check to her new husband, since he was now
"a part of family." And should he start sending a card and a
check to her baby? Meanwhile, there are still a number of other
cousins/nieces/nephews/God children who are quickly coming to 18
years old, and new baby announcements have been made (2 more are
on the way in the next year so far). At some point, if you don't
stop giving gifts to your extended family, it's just going to
grow bigger and bigger until you are giving gifts to more and
more people as you age. DH agrees that he needs to find a clear
'stopping point.' I suggested age 18. Does anyone else have any
suggestions?
Also, DH wonders if he should still send his cousin a card on
her birthday, or if it would only annoy her to get a card and no
check after all these years? Should he include a note just one
time saying something like "Now that you are married and have a
family of your own, I won't be sending you gifts, but I do want
you know that I think of you on your special day and wish you
all the best?" (I am thinking of a post on the old E-hell where
some woman posted that she was upset her grandmother had stopped
sending her checks, even though she had reached adulthood.)
#Post#: 2170--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to finish gift giving as children grow up
DIR By: wyozozo
Date: March 21, 2012, 7:59 am
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It's a rare thing in my family for cousins to exchange gifts. I
have one cousin that I do that with, but we are very close. It
doesn't bother either of us if there is no gift on any given
year.
As far as closer relatives (ie: grandparents/aunts/uncles) I
still receive monetary gifts from my aunt. I received gifts from
my grandparents up until their deaths. I was married and
divorced when my grandmother died.
So to answer your question, I think a card with no explanation
is a fine thing for any cousin over 18.
#Post#: 2171--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to finish gift giving as children grow up
DIR By: Nova Lady
Date: March 21, 2012, 8:01 am
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I think 18 is a good cut off. I would still send a card, I mean
you do still wish them a happy birthday but I wouldn't include
the note at all. I think she will get the point if she gets a
card with no check. Now if she says something about the lack of
check you have a different issue, and can explain it to her
then. Though if she does say something it's clear she doesn't
really deserve to receive cash from you anyhow.
#Post#: 2172--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to finish gift giving as children grow up
DIR By: WinesWellWithOthers
Date: March 21, 2012, 8:07 am
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I have one set of cousins who send birthday cards.
My aunt has always sent just a card (but I didn't know her that
well growing up so there was no "gift expectation.")
My uncles (moms bro and dads bro) have always sent cards. Up
till the year after college graduation the was always some sort
of gift (gift card/ check/ cash.) I was not at all miffed,
pissed, disgruntled when the gifts stopped arriving the card
still appeared.
The grands were always card & gift.
My godparents did a mix of cards and gifts. Again the cards
still show up.
With regard to the new spouse... just send a card.
#Post#: 2176--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to finish gift giving as children grow up
DIR By: Winelover
Date: March 21, 2012, 8:46 am
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I think it's fine to stop at 18. I also think he should send her
a card without an explanation. If he wants he could always send
the checks to the baby instead of her but I don't think that's
required.
#Post#: 2185--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to finish gift giving as children grow up
DIR By: G-Lady
Date: March 21, 2012, 9:46 am
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Like most others, I think 18's a good cut off and that cards are
the way to go.
My adoptive family is very small and my older sister and I are
the only grandkids. So there was never a clear cut off with
gifts. We only have 1 aunt and 1 uncle. We haven't done
birthday gifts in a long time, and TBH I can't remember ever
doing them unless we were in the same city for a birthday. We
exchange Christmas gifts with my aunt and uncle if they are in
town.
My bio-father's family is HUGE. I'm the 2nd eldest of nearly 30
grandkids (over 30 including fosters). Birthdays are celebrated
by nuclear families. We typically just send cards or do a
special phone call for birthdays. Christmas is done like a
White Elephant style exchange with the adults and the kids do a
Secret Santa. There's just too many of us for everyone to
exchange presents. My grandmother usually gives everyone a card
and a small monetary present.
The Cap'n family is in between my two families in size. They
cut off at 18 for Christmas presents. For birthdays, I suspect
it's 18 as well with the caveat that closeness of personal
relationship can change that. His closest cousin's eldest son
will be 18 soon, but he's more like a nephew to the Cap'n than
his own sister's son, so I suspect we'll continue to send
birthday gifts for a while - probably through college.
#Post#: 2201--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to finish gift giving as children grow up
DIR By: BadMamaJama
Date: March 21, 2012, 12:05 pm
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I think I'd send just a quick explanation with the card just so
that everything's clear. That's just me though.
#Post#: 2262--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to finish gift giving as children grow up
DIR By: MartiniFiend
Date: March 23, 2012, 9:38 pm
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in my family we had one Great Aunt that sent $2.00 to every
cousin until their 21st birthday. On the 21st she sent $5.00 as
the last gift. We all found it sweet. She knew everyone's
birthday. She sent everyone a card.
My point? 18 or 21 are great cutoffs. I think if he likes
sending a card, he should continue. It would be nice for him to
send the child and husband a card too.
I still have the last card my Aunt sent me before her death
(with the money inside).
#Post#: 2302--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to finish gift giving as children grow up
DIR By: LadyClaire
Date: March 26, 2012, 7:02 am
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18 is a good cut-off, I think.
My Mom used to send a book every year to her first cousin's son.
She stopped once he hit 18, I think.
#Post#: 2445--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to finish gift giving as children grow up
DIR By: DanglyParts
Date: March 31, 2012, 12:44 am
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I think the gift cut off is fine and that it's a good idea to
still send a card.
I would definitely not explain that there wouldn't be more gifts
coming unless it's explicitly queried. It would just sound...
kind of harsh, even if I completely agreed with it, you know?
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