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#Post#: 1437--------------------------------------------------
Retroactive...no black for you at my wedding!
DIR By: BuddyCat
Date: March 12, 2012, 9:11 pm
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So, I've been married over a decade, but I'm curious to hear
opinions on this.
For our wedding, I mostly stayed out of what my mother or
mother-in-law chose to wear, as they are both adults and know
very well how to dress appropriately. The only rules I had was
no white or white-like, and no black. I just don't like the
parents wearing black. This was no issue for my gaudy-loving
mother, but my very Italian mother-in-law had a very hard time
with it.
Was I rude for that?
As an item of interest, my mother in law didn't wear black, but
she wore the most black-like midnight blue velvet dress
possible, which looked and photographed black unless you went
right up on it and held it up to a very bright light. I laughed
about it, but had to roll my eyes.
#Post#: 1443--------------------------------------------------
Re: Retroactive...no black for you at my wedding!
DIR By: gorplady
Date: March 12, 2012, 9:55 pm
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I guess I find when brides or grooms make rules about what
people can or can't wear for weddings beyond the groomsmen and
bridesmaids, it seems a tad rude to me.
#Post#: 1452--------------------------------------------------
Re: Retroactive...no black for you at my wedding!
DIR By: Lisella
Date: March 12, 2012, 10:59 pm
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I find it odd that a traditional italian mother would go with
anything that close to black. My family is Italian (and I"m a
first generation American) and it would be seen as insulting for
an Italian mom to wear black to the wedding.
I don't think there's anything wrong with setting guidelines if
there is a cultural requirement for it.
#Post#: 1466--------------------------------------------------
Re: Retroactive...no black for you at my wedding!
DIR By: hot_shaker
Date: March 13, 2012, 3:13 am
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I agree that it's rude to dictate what guests wear but these
were such insignificant requests that I don't see them as rude.
White/off-white is already a known faux pas. Black, until
recently I think, was also a no-no because it's associated with
sad occasions and can be construed as sending a message.
(They're so basic that they almost didn't need to be said.) Even
if black is acceptable to wear now, I don't blame the
bride/couple for asking that the mothers not wear it. To me,
saying 'please don't wear this one color' is not the same
insisting that they wear a certain color/style which can be a
hassle.
#Post#: 1511--------------------------------------------------
Re: Retroactive...no black for you at my wedding!
DIR By: G-Lady
Date: March 13, 2012, 10:02 am
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Both times when I married, my mother and my MILs asked me what
they should wear and I was happy to offer guidance and voice
preferences.
My first wedding was a more traditional BWW. So I let them know
what colors the bridesmaids were wearing and gave them each
others phone numbers. Both ended up wearing light green, and
both looked great.
The second time I married, we had a pirate themed wedding. My
Mom borrowed some garb from me and an aunt who couldn't make it.
She ended up swapping bodices with my sister halfway through
the reception (which I thought was pretty funny). My current
MIL tried, she really did. She ordered from a costume shop
without trying anything on and it fit really poorly on her and
the style wasn't flattering on her shape. As much as I wish I
could have told her cancel the order once she sent me a link to
what she bought, I knew it would really hurt her feelings. But
she still had fun and that was the point of a pirate wedding.
I don't see requesting no all-white or no all-black as
unreasonable. And if someone asks for guidance, it's not rude
to give it.
#Post#: 1636--------------------------------------------------
Re: Retroactive...no black for you at my wedding!
DIR By: sterling
Date: March 13, 2012, 5:23 pm
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Wow in my Italian family we still can't bring ourselves to wear
black to a wedding ever. Black is seen to be a mourning color
so it is a very big deal to an Italian. We take it to mean one
is mourning the fact the wedding is taking place.
I don't think the request you made was out of line. I am
shocked she wanted to wear black.
#Post#: 1646--------------------------------------------------
Re: Retroactive...no black for you at my wedding!
DIR By: BuddyCat
Date: March 13, 2012, 6:14 pm
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Sorry, I probably should have left out the Italian part as it
obviously doesn't mesh with the culture. Her whole family wears
black for anything remotely dressy, like many people in this
area. More of a regional thing than an Italian thing, though,
plus a bit of a blurt of a family in-joke. Ignore the "very
Italian" mother in law part of my post.
#Post#: 1653--------------------------------------------------
Re: Retroactive...no black for you at my wedding!
DIR By: mazface
Date: March 13, 2012, 6:55 pm
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I didnt find it necessary to dictate what adults wore to my
wedding. That sounds a lot bitchier than I meant it to sound, I
think I'm on the wrong forum...
Anyhow, to my wedding, my mum wore the most beautiful and
flattering dress in black with coral flowers, and she livened it
up with a very bright coral jacket. She had a black
fascinator/shoes/bag/jewellery too. She looked wicked, and felt
comfortable, and the fact that she was comfortable made me a lot
happier than obeying some arbitary rule about colour.
#Post#: 1673--------------------------------------------------
Re: Retroactive...no black for you at my wedding!
DIR By: Jabberwock
Date: March 13, 2012, 9:50 pm
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My vote is that you shouldn't tell anyone what to wear to your
wedding, including the white/off white stipulation. Bridal gowns
have become very distinctive, and someone in an off-white
sundress or suit isn't going to look bridal. If someone does
show up in a wedding dress they will look like an attention
hungry crazy person, and everyone will know who the bride is
(first hint is that she's usually the last one in the church,
walking slowly down the isle to the music). I don't buy the
whole "Stealing attention from the Bride" nonsense either,
people are going to ooh and ahh over the couple and talk about
what a beautiful ceremony it was for about five minutes, and
then move on to catching up with friends and family that they
may not have seen for awhile. No one spends the whole day
staring rapturously at the bride and talking about nothing other
than her.
#Post#: 2699--------------------------------------------------
Re: Retroactive...no black for you at my wedding!
DIR By: GreenEyedSin
Date: June 5, 2012, 1:40 am
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I recently had lunch with my fiance's grandparents, and his
Grandma showed me her plan for what she will wear to our wedding
(next April). The first was a beautiful turquoise skirt suit
that I think will look really nice in photos. It is what she
wore when one of her sons got married around 10 years ago, and
she hasn't worn it since. I think she is really excited that she
is finally going to get to wear it again. But, since it is 10
years old, she is concerned that it won't fit. So she pulled her
backup plan out of the closet.
Her backup plan is one of those popcorn-type shirts (like this
HTML http://www.popcornshirtwholesale.com/images/medium/BLL-08_MED.jpg)<br
/>with a matching jacket. In white. I asked her what color pants
she planned to wear with it, thinking she would pair them with
something brightly colored... But no. She normally wears them
with white pants and shoes. I got quiet for a moment, and then
said something along the lines of hoping that I'd be the only
one wearing head-to-toe white at my wedding. She looked at me
stunned for a moment and then laughed. She then said that I had
a good point there, and that she wouldn't wear that, and
besides, the jacket would be too warm for an April wedding, as
that is normally a winter shirt/jacket for her.
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