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#Post#: 899--------------------------------------------------
"Move back!"
DIR By: CrazyBunnyLady
Date: March 9, 2012, 9:08 am
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My mom and I kind of have a weird relationship. I've
disappointed her expectations for me in many ways and she tends
to treat me like the Black Sheep in the family and shows blatant
favoritism to my siblings. But, as long as we don't talk about
anything serious, we can be friendly.
This year, I made a major life change. I got a fantastic new job
hours away from any of my family and I moved in with my
boyfriend. My mother, an uber-Catholic, was Not Happy.
Unfortunately for me, my BF has been PCSed 1700 miles away.
Right now, it doesn't look like I am going to be able to join
him ($; job, etc). This has placated my mother. She has since
been making noise about me moving back home and in with her.
This is not happening. At all. I keep telling her, but she's got
this amazing selective memory. It's stressing me out on top of
the prospect of a long distance relationship and a thousand
other things I am dealing with. Any advice on a polite but firm
"Not if hell froze over and the devil started giving free sleigh
rides.
#Post#: 991--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Move back!"
DIR By: G-Lady
Date: March 9, 2012, 2:35 pm
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"We've already spoken about this. I am not moving in with you."
I know it's painful, but don't call it "home." That gives her
something to grab on to. You have a home - the one you are
living in.
#Post#: 1014--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Move back!"
DIR By: Koolaid
Date: March 9, 2012, 6:00 pm
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My parents had a hard time letting go when I moved out too. I
finally got them to stop by having conversations about how I was
grateful that I grew into a functioning adult and cited examples
of how successful I was. It helped that a few cousins and old
friends have royally jacked up lives, so I was able to use them
as examples of what I don't want to be. I threw in a few
gratuitous "feel good about yourself and a parenting well done"
statements and they backed off a lot! They're still parents and
they still like to get in my business at times and my Mom still
likes to talk about when I move home again. Truth be told, I'd
love to live closer, but it's not going to happen for a long
time (if ever), and that's something that I still have to point
out occasionally. I'm just not having to point it out
every.freaking.conversation anymore.
I have a question though. Are you happy where you're at or do
you complain about it a lot? I know that I brought a lot of my
initial problem about moving here upon myself because I hated it
here and my Mom knew how miserable I was. She saw me complaining
or being upset about my location as the perfect opportunity to
point out how awesome *home* was and how we should all move back
and live happily ever after. Ummmm.... no. I stopped complaining
(as much) and she stopped suggesting stupid ideas (as much).
#Post#: 1050--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Move back!"
DIR By: aventurine
Date: March 9, 2012, 10:30 pm
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--- Quote from: G-Lady link ---
>
> "We've already spoken about this. I am not moving in with
you."
>
> I know it's painful, but don't call it "home." That gives her
something to grab on to. You have a home - the one you are
living in.
>
--- End Quote ---
Words are powerful. I like this advice.
#Post#: 1131--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Move back!"
DIR By: CrazyBunnyLady
Date: March 10, 2012, 7:28 am
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Thanks G-Lady, you're right.
I don't complain to my mother at all. I brag, if anything. I'm
much better here
#Post#: 1139--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Move back!"
DIR By: Winelover
Date: March 10, 2012, 10:14 am
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My mom got this crazy idea last fall that we would move in to
the basement of house that they were possibly going to buy. My
family of 4. Two kids under the age of 3 at the time. I haven't
lived with my mom for a long period of time since I was 16. She
told us she would only make us pay X number of dollars in rent
and my husband could finish their basement on the weekends. You
know in his spare time. I said no. She kept talking I said no
again. She still kept talking and I said no again. She later
told my sister that she tried to help us but we turned her down
and she never mentioned the finishing of the basement.
Just keep saying no. Home is in your new state now.
#Post#: 1167--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Move back!"
DIR By: Nerdling
Date: March 10, 2012, 1:36 pm
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I think you're on the right path by talking about how great it
is where you are now. It will get better with time, hopefully,
especially the less you refer to where your parents live as
"home."
#Post#: 1257--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Move back!"
DIR By: mynameisdumbnuts
Date: March 10, 2012, 11:14 pm
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What if you said, "Mom, this is the fourth time you've asked me
to move in with you, and I've said no each time. Why do you keep
asking?" Would one frank conversation put this to rest?
#Post#: 1270--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Move back!"
DIR By: corner piece
Date: March 11, 2012, 3:54 am
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Hey, I'm in a similar situation. I moved of my own accord
(which my parents didn't like) and I took my boyfriend with me,
and we live together (which they really didn't like). It was
really awkward for the last few weeks I was home. I ended up
having to have a frank conversation with my parents, in which I
said "I know you don't like my decision, and you don't agree
with it, but it's what I'm doing and I don't want it to come
between our relationship." It kind of worked, we don't really
talk about serious issues, or my BF much....but it's much better
than it was. I also think it's best not to call your parent's
house home, and talk about how much you like where you currently
live. I have my own gripes about living where I do, but my
parents don't know about them. It just fuels the fire.
#Post#: 1310--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Move back!"
DIR By: Giggle Loop
Date: March 11, 2012, 12:33 pm
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In addition to repeating yourself, end conversations after she
asks. I'm not saying scream and hang up the phone; just have
something "come up" that gets you off the phone, even if it's
just, "Oh, sorry mom, I need to go. Talk to you later!"
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