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Someone's Blog From the internet.
By: Helen Date: April 27, 2015, 1:48 pm
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Somedays I just read. This is something that I just read. You
may or may not like it.
I recently Googled “character defects” and found a
list of 194. It was an exhaustive list that was exhausting to
read. There were the obvious things on this list such as
gluttony, greed, injustice, recklessness and perfectionism. But
there were also more obscure defects.
We all have vices, those things we struggle against. I have
often taken mine so seriously, (perhaps too seriously) giving
them power over myself instead of the appropriate amount of
consideration they were worthy of.
While I believe that probing deeply into our souls is a
necessary means of excavating the ghosts of long past, I also
believe in the power to change our behaviour by turning over a
new leaf in a split-second decision.
You won’t hear me say this often, but I wonder if we are
sometimes undergoing emotional surgery when we ought to be
taking an aspirin instead. (That’s right…you heard
me.)
What follows is something I’ve written to you, to me, and
to them. It’s a bit of practical vice advice – some
simpler remedies for the defects that may be keeping you, me or
them stuck.
I hope you find yourself here, and quite possibly a simple way
to manage your character defects responsibly.
So…
To the grumpy. Go do something for someone. Give someone twenty
dollars, pick up the tab at lunch, become a tutor, mentor, drive
an extra week in your carpool…something. And then feel
good about what you’ve done. I swear it will help.
To those who are never wrong. We don’t need you to state
the same opinion twelve different ways until it is validated.
And we are only validating it so you’ll stop stating the
same opinion twelve different ways. You will never learn a thing
if you don’t start saying the words, “you’re
right” more often.
To the poets. Once in a while, go see a movie with car chases, a
damsel in distress and massive explosions. K? Life is not so
serious all the time. Relax and enjoy the shallow parts of life.
Don’t take yourself so seriously.
To the mean spirited. You are capable of being nice once in a
while. Just do that more often. Stop cutting everyone off on
your way to work. You don’t need to be first. And when the
cashier won’t return your snagged sweater, let it go. You
aren’t losing the contest you’ve made up in your
mind.
To the workaholics. Go home. Make dinner. Put your computer
away. Get some highlights on your downtime, or new glasses, a
pedicure, or go to a concert. At work, ask someone how they are
doing and stop making them feel like they need to get out of
your office the moment you are finished with your agenda.
To the angered. We know you’re mad at the world. But
it’s not changing a thing. So for the rest of us, could
you do us a favor? Try something else. You’re shoveling
your trash all over the place. And if it didn’t stink so
badly everywhere you are, we’d actually like to have a
normal conversation with you.
To the beautiful. Pass on the facelift and botox. Buy a book
that no one will make into a movie (Eat, Pray, Ridiculous) and
read it. Gain ten pounds so the rest of us don’t feel so
bad. Get a hobby besides being cute everywhere you go.
You’ve got more to offer than that.
To the cruel. Pray for yourself. See if you can find some
redemptive seed way down deep, and then huddle around it.
Protect it. Water it. Grow it into something less cruel and see
if you can be good at something besides causing trouble.
To the users. You actually CAN do for yourself. Right, I
know…it’s not easy or you simply don’t want
to. Stop preying on weaker people to make your life work. Get a
job. Pay your own bills. Move out of the basement. Make your own
way. You’ll probably die young if you don’t.
To the overly sensitive. You don’t need fourteen people to
validate what happened to you. So stick with telling your sad
story to a friend. Fifty people saying “that’s a
real bummer” will feel no better than one good friend
saying it.
To the egotistical. You are the hero in A LOT of your stories.
Take a sincere interest in what someone else is saying. And for
God’s sake, let them have the big story once in a while.
To the laid back. All the world is not Jamaica. Stop thinking
everyone should be more like you. No one is asking you to sweat
the small stuff, but show a little more concern for the things
your friends, family and co-workers seem to care about.
To those who play it safe. Being impulsive is sometimes a good
thing. We know you can’t do it all the time (and
shouldn’t) but doing it none of the time isn’t being
safe – it’s being scared.
To those who expect to be happy all the time. Grow up. That is
all my friends. Pain is a part of life. It will make you better.
So squeeze yourself onto the road less traveled for once and see
where it leads you.
To those who think life is one big disappointment after another.
Yes, pain is a part of life, but so is laughter, love, dancing,
dogs, sex, coffee and music. So make a mix tape. Go for a walk.
Try to enjoy the very moment happiness arrives, knowing that for
you, this may be harder than for others. But that’s life.
Everyone has their struggle.
To those who use religion as a weapon or simply to back up their
own personal belief system. God does not belong to you. You
belong to him. So walk WITH God – he isn’t your
tagalong.
To those who hurt and abuse children. I hope you’ll claw
your way out of hell one day. And I hope that whoever hurt you
might claw their way out too. But go ahead and keep your
distance while I do my best to love you from across the room.
Because no one owe’s you a relationship.
To those who have been hurt and abused. I hope you’ll claw
your way out of hell one day. And I hope that whoever hurt you
might claw their way out too. Come close so I can validate your
story and see you become the person you were always intended to
be. Be beautifully broken, my friend.
To you, to me, to them. May we all find love and then BE
loved…and in turn, love God, our enemies, our friends and
family, and eventually…ourselves.
Matt Bays
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