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You make me feel angry-unloved-bad-sad,don't rely on your feeli
ngs alone
By: silkchaos Date: October 5, 2015, 9:08 pm
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written by Royce Adams
There's something terribly amiss about the statement, "You make
or made me very angry" as there would be if you changed the last
word(s) in the statement to any of the following
emotions...happy, sad, upset. impatient, irritable ,bored,
annoyed ,irritated etc etc... When you make any of the statement
above you are literally telling the other person(s) that you
have handed over them the power to "make" you feel
something.....to yank your strings .You have relinquished your
emotional integrity.
You made me feel
Unhappy.
Sad
Blue
Sick
Upset, blah, on and on, just take any feeling (to the point of
absurdity) and blame or credit someone else for it wether they
be Positive or Negative.
The same irrationality also applies to the sentiment of love as
this popular old song opines that follows...
You made me love you I didn't wanna do it I didn't wanna do it
You made me love you and all the time you knew it I guess you
always knew it
You made me happy sometimes you made me glad
But there were times when you made me feel so bad
You made me sigh cause I didn't wanna tell you I didn't wanna
tell you
I need some love that's true yes I do indeed I do you know I do
Gimme gimme gimme gimme what I cry for
No one can make you love them. love is a choice. You either
choose to love another(because to you they are lovable and you
want to) or you choose not to.
It is not the role of Marriage to make you feel happy, it just
makes you married. Your own personal happiness, your feelings
are an inside job.
Save your Marriage-Save your Relationship
Indeed if someone else is "making you feel" anything then you
have a poor sense of boundaries,for this is the real meaning of
setting a boundary....the ability to know where the other person
ends and where you begin. You have abdicated taking
responsibility for your own feelings. At most the best others
can do regard your feelings is influence you to a lesser or
larger degree.
"YOU CAN ONLY MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH IF THEY FIRST SHARE YOUR SENSE
OF hUMOUR"
Hey I have an idea (Says one half of a couple)...lets get
married and then it will always be your job to
MAKE ME HAPPY"
Save your relationship
from this relationship destroying game
Even when a partner perhaps does something that brings us joy,
it is not that this is why "we feel joy" (Although their actions
may be playing a part) it is because they are acting in a way
that elicit agreeable pleasant feelings from inside ourselves
and therefore adding to our overall sense of happiness, but what
brings pleasure or displeaurs us is solely down to us and our
thought on any given matter or action.
Two unhappy people who get married with the view that it will
make them happy will create unhappiness not a happy marriage".
Often the purpose of "you made me feel" statements are made to
foster a feeling of guilt, to point the finger, to blame, or to
stir up feelings of intimidation and to manipulate. We blame
others for our reactions. This statement allows us to shirk the
responsibility of controlling our responses and "makes" it
easier for us to play the "victim" at the mercy and wiles of
another. If we react to them, we feel justified in stating that
our reaction to their statement was solely to defend ourselves,
" you made me feel that way!". We often say our buttons are
being pushed, our strings being pulled but who owns the buttons
and string, you or they?, who ultimately decides what we happen
in response to the button pushing and string pulling?. you are
not a robot or a puppet.
"I want a Divorce, you don't meet needs......you ,you, you."
"You made me unhappy.....you, you, you, I want a divorce".
It is in our own betterment to acknowledge that the power to
make us feel anything at all (and to what degree) emanates from
within us. We are better served, in all our relationships,
whether they be close or casual. All of us are better served
when we learn to understand our emotions, acknowledge them and
take responsibility for them and the outward expression of them.
Act-don't react.
Every one of us needs to recognize it is we that we can the
choose to feel what we do or don't want to feel and at worst
feelings are transitory. Furthermore, we have the power and can
choose to communicate our emotions more honestly to others
without elaborations and without adding fiction to friction.
Other people may say as they wish, and in truth some of, in fact
sometimes a lot of what they say may stir up feelings within us
or impact upon us in ways we do not like, but it is always
within our power to feel what we want or choose to feel
(Although of course it doesn’t often seem that way after a
lifetime of habitual "reacting"). It is in all our best interest
to recognize more accurately what we are feeling so we can
choose to respond in a manner that is both respectful to others
as well as ourselves and not give way to the hair trigger easy
option of becoming reactive and going with the first thing we
feel or is evoked in us.
"No one can take our power away from us, unless we choose to
give it away". "Stick and stones may break my bones...but names
will never hurt me"(and they wont unless you give credence to
the names you have been called yourself).
It is important to know that if others seem to be trying to take
our power, it is often because they feeling a sense of
vulnerability or threatened. We have a choice to manipulate
their vulnerability , or we can try to understand what it is
they are feeling, to be curious and respond in a manner that
remains respectful. (it must be said that sometimes depending on
the situation, anger may be the best emotion to respond with).
Everyone can use their power to choose to feel their own
emotions wisely, not to become defensive, make rationalizations
and denials.
Be Empowered and Liberated... Personal Efficacy.
When you respond in a way that is respectful of, polite and in a
caring, curious manner for others and not react to "button
pushing " and further validate their feelings and their right to
have those feelings, of anger, sadness, hurt and so on then you
are living an empowered and liberated life. You are becoming
"emotionally intelligent"... Teaching kids from a very early age
to become the masters over what they feel and not to externalize
blame and to " react" whilst still paying respectful due regard
to the sensibilities and sensitivities of others, will lead to
much better relationship all round.
OR TO LOOK AT IT ANOTHER WAY....It's your life and you are to
blame....
To Join our Save you marriage Forum.. ..CLICK HERE
Do you know that just about every outcome in your life is down
to you (and for the want of a better word) is your "fault", you
are to blame.... Holding yourself at fault gives you a
tremendous power and this most people will never have. Why is
this so? Well they will be still looking for outside others and
events to blame, to externalize and it gets circular....But
because you accept what transpires as being your " fault", then
the "what is" has come about because of some action you did or
didn't take.( you should not turn this into a beat yourself up
session)...You are not blaming externalities. You have control
over your own actions. Therefore, you control your own outcomes.
If everything is your "fault", if you take total 100%
responsibility for your life then you have total control over
what you make of your life.
This is the attitude of successful people...business, private
and in marriage.
If your partner he or she, has left you, and you accept that
what happened is your fault.
If she or he has cheated on you and you accept that what
happened is your fault.
And if you accept that it's all your fault, based on your
actions, then you can take actions that lead to your future
successes, which are all your "fault" too!
"True success is your fault"...
"Make things you want to happen, happen".
In the most seemingly hopeless of situations, when all appears
beyond your control ,go back and analyze each step that led to
the event and you'll find a place where you could have changed
the outcome. File this away for the future and this knowledge
will aid you in turning round a same or similar situation in the
future...you will have control over the outcome.
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