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DIR Return to: Why did you leave your last church home
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#Post#: 11--------------------------------------------------
I miss church
DIR By: Kdmiller75
Date: September 3, 2018, 5:03 pm
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I miss church. I know that seems like a simple thing to fix.
Realistically, people could just say “so go to church”. But its
not that simple. I don’t just miss church, I miss the church
that I found when I needed it most. The church that left me
spiritually filled at the end of service. The church that I
would frequently stop at after work to help out with preparing
for the coming weeks service. The church that had me craving
more. They say that drug addicts crave the high that they got
from the first experience and they spend the rest of their lives
“Chasing the dragon”. What I am talking about is somewhat
similar. At one time I was leaving the building on a spiritual
high every time I was there. It was an amazing feeling. It was
that feeling that kept me coming back. I only visited the church
because there was personal turmoil in the church I was
attending. I had tried many times to overlook things that were
bothering me but the problems just kept getting bigger. It was
getting to a point where I was dreading going to church. It was
supposed to be a place of peace, comfort and refuge but it had
become a place of anger and frustration. Rather than leaving
spiritually charged for the week, I was leaving feeling
depressed and worthless. So, the family and I ventured to visit
a different church. It was hard, we felt like we had abandon the
place we had called home and helped to build. We abandon the
people we called our church family. For a while this was the
greatest decision ever. We walked into a new building with
people we didn’t know. We were welcomed and hugged as we walked
in the door. Not just by one person but by pretty much the
entire congregation. We were invited to the snack bar to have
some free coffee and doughnuts. We sat down in chairs rather
than pew’s. There was no alter. (I questioned that later because
our last pastor had made a huge ordeal about the necessity of an
altar in a church. The answer was that everyone was invited to
the room in the back at the end of service rather than altar
call because some people won’t come to the front and would
rather do it in private. Also there are people who will come to
the front weekly just to be in the spotlight. Both situations
are resolved with not having an altar. I later learned that I
really appreciate not having one because their reasoning was
absolutely true.) There was a live band there. Real people on a
stage with real instruments and microphones singing songs I’ve
never heard before. The lead singer was raising his hands and
closing his eyes as he sang songs of worship. The congregation
was also caught up in the moment. The spirit was there and the
feeling was real. The lead singer also took short moments to
give testimony which only enhanced the moment. I think that was
the first time I had ever taken communion and actually be fully
focused on why I was taking it. Then comes the pastor. He didn’t
preach! I was shocked! He was teaching and giving life lessons
on passages in the Bible. I craved more. Tell me more. Don’t
stop now, tell me more. Well, I guess I’m going to have to come
back next week to hear more of this story. Then the band comes
back on stage and gives us a good dose of praise music. Everyone
was standing and dancing. What is the deal here? I’m used to
leaving the building with “I’ll fly away” everyone claps in
sequence then we shake hands and exit. This dancing thing isn’t
normal. People hugging me bye as I leave and some even saying “I
Love You, Hope you have a great week and come back next week”
This can’t be normal, I’m definitely coming back next week, I’m
sure it will be different. They must be just happy to see new
faces. After a few weeks it became obvious that this is the norm
here. These people really are genuine and this is the
atmosphere. I’m in! sign me up! I want to be a member, I want to
be a part of this. I became the sound technician and spent quite
a bit of time at the church. Then the worship leader ended up
in some personal struggles which ultimately resulted in his
leaving the church. Things quickly changed. A new worship leader
took the reigns and the church was healing, the love was
returning. I started playing bass with the band. But it became
overwhelming for that one to hold down a regular job and be the
worship leader too. Here we go again. Yet another worship leader
steps in. I continued to play bass with them. I had been
noticing that slowly people were leaving since the first worship
leader left. We weren’t really gaining new people just losing
the ones that we had. The atmosphere was changing. The sermons
had changed as well. They were still good teachings but they
lacked the pizzazz they once had. I was no longer craving the
next part of the story. The current worship leader didn’t stay
long. He was left to deliver some tough news to the leaders of
the church and the ones who insisted that he be the one to
deliver it didn’t even show up to support him. That resulted in
several people leaving the church. The leaders that helped to
build it, walked out, never to return. Not much longer after
that, we lost yet another worship leader. He was replace by a
guy who was the original unpaid worship leader when the church
started. He had been to college and focused his career on being
a worship leader. Due to my obligations at work, I had already
reduced the amount of time I was playing bass and attending
services. He tried to recruit me and I bluntly told him I wasn’t
getting overly involved because I couldn’t handle losing another
worship leader. He assured me that he wasn’t going anywhere. His
whole family was there and he helped to start the church. He was
invested in it and this was his calling. I just said I hope you
are right. I hadn’t been to church for some time because of my
personal issues. Seemed like that everyone was happy to see me
when I showed up but disappointed that my now ex wife wasn’t
walking in the door with me. It was too much for me to
emotionally deal with. That on top of the fact that I was
already losing interest because the fire I once saw there had
completely disappeared. I sat in the chair through many sermons
and many songs looking at the ceiling saying God where are you?
These people aren’t raising their hands and worshipping. The
sermons have lost meaning. Where is the fire? Where is the
emotion? Why am I still here? People are looking at me and I
feel the sadness because I know they are looking for my ex to be
here. It seems that divorce doesn’t just mean separating from
your spouse (or in my case your spouse choosing to separate from
you) it means everything changes. Not just for you but also for
everyone around you. Your kids suffer, your family suffers, your
church family suffers. So I have been learning to start over.
Seems like a never-ending constantly starting over. Now I just
need a church that is exactly what my church used to be to start
over in. I guess its also worth mentioning that the last worship
leader resigned and his entire family left the church as well.
So someone tell me, does your church have that fire? What keeps
you coming back week after week? This is my story, tell me
yours.
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