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#Post#: 14339--------------------------------------------------
Bobby Madley interview
DIR By: Referee99
Date: December 31, 2019, 11:09 am
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Mr Madley has opened up on why he left the
So to the end of the decade. A decade that saw the wonderful
birth of a child and the sad loss of a father. One with personal
highs and lows, just like everyone else I guess.
Professionally it’s been a decade of unimaginable highs and the
lowest lows I could ever have imagined. Promotion to the Premier
League following 3 red cards on debut at Southampton seems so
long ago now. Progression to the FIFA International list
followed and the opportunity to represent my country on the
international stage, the highest achievement any referee can
receive. A Community Shield between Arsenal and Chelsea at a
full Wembley, a Championship Play Off Final with the added spice
of a Yorkshire derby between Sheffield Wednesday and Hull City,
4th Official on the FA Cup Final, refereed the FA Youth Cup
Final...in fact on the pitch it was a pretty successful decade
on the whole. Today I sit and look at the medals and the
footballs from those games in my living room and ask myself
“where did it all go wrong?” The dream of not just being Fourth
Official on the FA Cup Final, to lead my own team out at Wembley
and achieve a lifetime ambition is one that was so close but
will now only ever be a what could have been. It’s hard to
accept and it has been a struggle to come to terms with that and
many other things for 18 months now.
As the decade ends, I feel it’s time to let the past go now.
Time to speak about what happened over the last 18 months that
led me to reach the darkest places I’ve ever been to and places
that I hope I never return to going forward.
I fully understand that there will be parts of what I write here
that do not show me in the best light. Parts that I regret, that
I should not have done and that I have always accepted
responsibility for and apologised for.
When you read this I would like for you to ask yourself honestly
just one question before making judgement of me...
‘Have I ever done that!’
I’m sure some may say no. I’m also certain that 95%+ will say
actually yes I probably have in some closed WhatsApp group or
chat with close trusted friends. Please bear this point in mind.
It’s not an attempt to excuse anything I say later, it’s an
attempt to explain and hopefully put things into the context I
feel they deserve to be in.
It was reported when I left the Premier League in August 2018
that i had relocated for personal reasons. True to a degree. The
personal reasons however were never confirmed.
The Guardian wrote a piece saying I had left and then at the
end, quite randomly, stated that it may have something to do
with a video I had posted on social media. This surprised me
somewhat. Premier League referees are not allowed a social media
account. No Twitter, no Facebook...so the idea of me posting on
social media wasn’t even possible. Even so...Twitter did what
Twitter does...at the possibility of a scandal it goes into
meltdown and everyone becomes a detective. Rumours began to
appear on Twitter that the reason I left is because I had been
filmed having sex with a dog. I have to say I found this
hilarious to begin with that people would somehow arrive at that
conclusion. The fact was somebody posted that I’m a ‘dog
botherer’ in relation to me being a Huddersfield Town fan (the
Terriers) and so the rumour began. The more the day went on the
less funny it became. Suddenly people were taking this seriously
and now copying the story to the police on twitter saying I
should be investigated. Others stated they had seen the video
themselves and that I was disgusting and should be arrested.
People have no idea the reputational damage something like that
can do, never mind the mental issues it can cause. Even at
Headingley while watching Yorkshire v Notts in a T20 I was
verbally abused in the stands which very nearly ended in a
fight.
Whilst I didn’t have my own social media page at the time, I was
reading threats against me, very serious threats, from animal
rights people who were trying to find out my address. The
evening ended up with police protection for me due to these
threats being taken very seriously. The story trended worldwide
that evening and since that day I have received abuse regarding
what is ultimately a ridiculous story.
Days later a newspaper, The Sun, the bearer of all truths, made
claims of an exclusive. They claimed I had been sacked by PGMOL
for posting a video on Snapchat of me bullying a disabled
person. Whilst I didn’t have a social media account, I do have
Snapchat. Snapchat is something I can control and never put
things on my story for all to see. I can choose who I send
anything to as I’m sure you’re aware and I only had close
friends and family on there. This did not constitute a social
media account regarding my employment.
For the next few months I was destroyed in the media and on
social media. I chose not to comment on the stories which would
ultimately give the tabloids what they wanted, the exclusive.
What I experienced over the next few months was how devastating
the British press can be and just how easily they are prepared
to make up lies. For example, it was reported that I had split
with my wife for my new Norwegian ‘blonde bombshell’ who was a
former singer in a band called the Wizards of Oslo. She had
tried to make it big on YouTube but had failed according to the
paper. The truth? She was never in a band. She has never posted
a single video of herself singing anything on YouTube...she’s a
nurse on the infectious medicine ward at Ullevål Hospital in
Oslo. I had split with my ex partner around 20 months prior to
this story being published. The level of fake news and lies that
they were prepared to go to was astounding.
So what is the truth?
The truth is that part of that story produced by the media is
true. I’m not proud of myself for this next bit and I have to
live with this for the rest of my life. It destroyed my career,
my reputation and caused immeasurable damage to my family life
that I won’t go into.
I’d like to start by stating that my dad, Harry, who passed away
from cancer in 2011, was physically disabled for my whole life.
I know more than most the difficulties of living with
disability. My mum had to resign from her job as a nurse to care
for him at home and as a result we were a family that relied on
benefits. We lived in a council house in Ossett, West Yorkshire
and lived absolutely on the breadline as my parents struggled
but succeeded in giving my brother and myself a very happy
upbringing.
The above story is not designed to create sympathy for me. I’m
aware that many families have stories that are much worse than
my own. However the fact my dad was disabled places the fact
that I have been labelled as discriminatory somewhat into
context.
I attended a sports day for my daughter. In the years prior to
that years event I had joked with parents about not taking part
in a parents race...claims back at me that I was scared of
losing. All good banter. A few months prior to this a former
referee, Mark Halsey, had written a newspaper article saying I
was making mistakes because I was too fat. The full page and
headline of ‘Blobby Bobby’ may seem funny to some but trust me
being fat shamed in a national newspaper is not a nice feeling.
As I sat in my car with my phone in hand a person walked past my
car in front of me who had a walking impairment. The next part I
am ashamed of. I took a 6 second film, I said nothing. I did
this in Snapchat which is where I take all of my films that I
intend to save to my phone. On the video I wrote, “F**k me I
have a chance of winning the parents race this year.” Out of
context I accept this reads shamefully. I accept that. However
my intention was that the joke was aimed at myself. Had I have
sent this to anyone on Snapchat then I would accept the decision
that later came as a result. I didn’t do that though. I saved it
to my phone. I sent it as a private text to somebody who I
trusted, somebody who had been a huge part of my life for the
previous 10 years and who I was on reasonable terms with.
Somebody who understood the context of previous sports day
comments and was aware of the fat shaming I had received.
I regret taking the video, I regret sending that video and
whilst it was a dark humoured joke it was just that. A joke. It
was not intended to shame anyone, it was not intended to be seen
by anyone other than the person I sent it privately to in a text
message on my own personal phone (not a work phone).
A few weeks later I had an argument with the same person
regarding a family issue at which point I was threatened for the
first time regarding this video with the comment “what would
your boss say if it ended up on his desk”.
At the time of this chat I was in Norway. I had driven there in
order to collect my partners belongings as she was moving to
England with me a few days later. On the way back to England a
few days later,around Hamburg in fact, I received a phone call
from my manager. An anonymous package had been received
regarding me and could I meet with them before I went away on
holiday (I was going to Greece for a week the week after). I
agreed to meet in London on my way home, a meeting I was
absolutely under the impression was a casual informal chat and
hadn’t been told what I was actually there to discuss, just that
it related to me and that it needed clearing up before I go
away. I stayed in Holland that evening and drove straight to
London the next morning. On entering the room in was clear that
it was not the casual meeting I was led to believe I was going
in for. HR were present along with a laptop on the table. My
employers had received a USB and an anonymous letter saying I
had sent this video. It was turned to face me and I was asked if
I sent this. I admitted it immediately. I never once at any
stage sought to deny or even to excuse it. I told them who I
sent it to and that it was one private text message on my own
phone and explained the context.
Two weeks later, I attended a formal disciplinary hearing in
which I produced a statement from that person who had received
the text message stating that it would not be sent to press and
that it was only intended to embarrass me. I felt I would be
given a stern warning and some level of written warning maybe
even a final written warning. This was echoed by the union
representative who felt the case, whilst not showing me in the
best light, was clearly a private joke with someone I trusted
and given the fact my own dad was disabled and the fact that I
produced evidence that I do work for disabled children’s
charities in my own time would be taken into account. It wasn’t.
I was dismissed with immediate effect for gross misconduct on
grounds of discrimination. At that point my world fell apart. I
was not offered the opportunity to attend discrimination
training and be put on a warning, sonething that whilst I know I
am 100% aware of what discrimination is, would show my employer
that I would be willing to engage in this. It was denied. Whilst
I absolutely understand the importance of an employer taking
discrimination seriously as they did, the decision to this day
still stuns me. The same week as that a politician referred to
Muslim women as letterboxes and made no apology. That man now
leads the country as PM. Whilst my actions were badly misjudged,
it was a joke. A private joke. Something that I am certain
pretty much everyone reading this has done with friends/partners
in the privacy of their relationships and with no expectation
that that person would ever allow that to be used to end their
professional career.
I started refereeing at 16, my career was over at 32. I had my
dream job, a well paid and incredibly enjoyable job that I loved
every single minute of. The footballs and medals are now all I
have to remember those years of dedication and hard work. I now
have Twitter, I try to help young referees where possible,
offering advice on their own blossoming refereeing careers. I
stand proud on there to support the fight against racism and to
support all within the LGBT community both inside and outside of
football. I am far from a discriminatory person and yet that is
what I am labelled as when you google my name. That hurts. The
last 18 months have been mental torture for me and but for those
close friends and family around me, as well as a strong partner,
I dread to think what could have become.
I feel now is the time to try to move forward. To put the past
behind me and to rebuild both my reputation and my life as a
whole. I still struggle to sleep, I still suffer mentally day to
day to try to find the person I am now rather than clinging to
the person I once was.
Hopefully 2020 will be the start of the new me. I am not proud
of that video and as I said I have to live with that for the
rest of my life. In context, it was a 6 second video, a dark
private joke that cost me my career. I will never be able to
accept that the decision taken was either necessary nor was it
proportionate to the act. I can’t change that now. The irony is
that I have spent the last 18 months defending my former
colleagues, being supportive of the company regarding the
implementation of VAR and have sought to throw nobody under the
bus, either the person I sent it to nor my former employer. I am
proud that I have kept my dignity and integrity and hopefully I
can move forward on and off the pitch and learn from my own
mistakes, maybe I can use that to help others and make sure they
don’t make the same mistake I did that lost me everything.
Please don’t think bad of me. I’m a human being who made one
mistake, one that many many people have done themselves and not
lost everything for. Again, I have to pick those pieces up.
#Post#: 14343--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bobby Madley interview
DIR By: bmb
Date: December 31, 2019, 11:57 am
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The link to the blog is here:
HTML https://therefereesword.blogspot.com/2019/12/time-to-move-on.html?m=1
Bobby mentioning it on twitter:
HTML https://twitter.com/BobbyMadley2/status/1212032963443122176
Very brave, honest & open piece of writing for him. I hope that
now he has put it out there he will be able to draw a line under
it, get a good night's sleep and wake up tomorrow with peace in
his heart & mind, ready to start the next chapter in his life.
Any of you youngsters on here reading this - please also take
this as a lesson. I'm pretty sure he would want you to learn
from it. Be very aware of everything you put on social media,
be very careful who you trust. It's a sad day in this age of
social media that you can't share a joke (however bad,
inappropriate or dark it might be) with a so called trusted
friend just to have them turn around and use it to utterly
destroy you. When I was a kid, that would be the sort of
stupidity you'd utter over a pint in a pub, no mobile phones and
cameras recording your every breath back then. All to easy for
people to betray you these days.
#Post#: 14344--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bobby Madley interview
DIR By: rustyref
Date: December 31, 2019, 12:01 pm
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That's a very honest and open account and I suspect he has
wanted to get that out in the open for a long time. I've met
Bobby a couple of times and he comes across as a genuinely nice
guy, of course as he says he shouldn't have done what he did and
it just shows how a momentary lapse can have ever lasting
consequences.
#Post#: 14345--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bobby Madley interview
DIR By: BabyRef
Date: December 31, 2019, 12:07 pm
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Cannot believe he was sacked for that!
#Post#: 14347--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bobby Madley interview
DIR By: Readingfan
Date: December 31, 2019, 12:25 pm
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A very honest account.
I think it is difficult to comment too much on the disciplinary
action taken. As we have seen, context is very important. Had
referees been warned against sending/posting things previously?
Was it a first offence? What were the considerations the company
took in reaching the decision?
As BMB says, it is ultimately a message to be very careful about
what you say/do/post, even if your private life,because you
never know where it might end up or how it might be interpreted.
I wish Bobby the best in rebuilding his life after what has
clearly been a difficult period.
#Post#: 14350--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bobby Madley interview
DIR By: Whistleblower
Date: December 31, 2019, 1:25 pm
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It's a very honest account and I suspect something quite
cathartic for him to have put the facts in the public domain.
What he did with filming the disabled person was crass and
stupid. I draw these conclusions.
Shibboleths and totems change and if you are deemed to have
transgressed current orthodoxies then the price you pay is
indeed huge and very far reaching and perhaps, perhaps, seems
disproportionate. If it were a first misdemeanour of this kind I
would have expected a warning, a suspension and some mandatory
Equality and Disability Awareness training. One would need to
see his Contract as to whether such an eventuality was spelled
out in the case of such a transgression.
Trust no-one with information or comments you wouldn't want
broadcast on the 6 o clock News. Vengefulness is a pretty base
human emotion and professionally I have seen the result, first
hand, of such score settling when relationships break down.
Social media is a very, very dangerous tool. I avoid it like the
proverbial plague. An honorable exception is RTR of course which
is brilliantly moderated. Does this count as social media?
Forgive my ignorance of definitions of popular culture.
I am grateful that I have never achieved celebrity status in my
chosen field. It might massage the ego for a bit but it is a
terrible burden to carry.
I am sure Madley needs no convincing as to his foolishness. He
has paid the highest of prices for it. I wish him well in his
future life and hope it is not blighted by regrets but rather
marked by new achievements.
#Post#: 14351--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bobby Madley interview
DIR By: Readingfan
Date: December 31, 2019, 1:40 pm
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Excellent post Whistleblower (an unfortunate name in the
circumstances?!)
I also wonder, in passing, what impact this has had on Andy
Madley and if there might be extra scrutiny on him as he
prepares to referee Watford V Wolves tomorrow. I'm sure that
Bobby has been delighted to see him promoted to both the PL and
FIFA list this year.
#Post#: 14352--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bobby Madley interview
DIR By: bmb
Date: December 31, 2019, 2:09 pm
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--- Quote from: Readingfan link ---
>
> Excellent post Whistleblower (an unfortunate name in the
circumstances?!)
>
> I also wonder, in passing, what impact this has had on Andy
Madley and if there might be extra scrutiny on him as he
prepares to referee Watford V Wolves tomorrow. I'm sure that
Bobby has been delighted to see him promoted to both the PL and
FIFA list this year.
>
--- End Quote ---
Must be very bitter sweet for him. On the one hand very proud
of his brother and supportive of his achievements but it's also
a daily reminder of what he lost/had taken away from him by a
(imo) nasty individual. That must be very tough to balance that
one out.
#Post#: 14353--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bobby Madley interview
DIR By: TVOS
Date: December 31, 2019, 2:24 pm
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A sad aspect of all this is that the ‘friend’ in question
appears to be a refereeing colleague, unless I’ve misunderstood
what he’s written.
#Post#: 14354--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bobby Madley interview
DIR By: bmb
Date: December 31, 2019, 2:44 pm
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--- Quote from: Whistleblower link ---
>
> Social media is a very, very dangerous tool. I avoid it like
the proverbial plague. An honorable exception is RTR of course
which is brilliantly moderated. Does this count as social media?
Forgive my ignorance of definitions of popular culture.
>
> I am grateful that I have never achieved celebrity status in
my chosen field. It might massage the ego for a bit but it is a
terrible burden to carry.
>
--- End Quote ---
I'm not sure we count as social media as such although we admin
(certainly in the case of both Ben & I as site owners anyway)
have been dragged into and along to more than our fair share of
court cases and disciplinary hearings along the way due to
something someone has said on here! Not nice sitting in a room
at FA ivory Towers watching a young referee kicked out of an
academy & sacked by their county due to a statement they have
made made on here as I have unhappily been in the position of
doing more than once, one lad was about 18, the other was about
15. We can be over cautious at times (or over zealous as said on
here my way more than once!!!!) but we do so not only to protect
our members but also the site itself. It is why we maintain our
zero tolerance policy. We have built up a pretty good
relationship now with the legal beagles from the ivory towers
and quick action by the admin team has prevented court cases and
disciplinary hearings. We don't always agree with requests to
remove/edit/delete items but we have learned when to just comply
& not argue the toss and when to get really bolshy back & invite
legal action to remove stuff!! It might not always make sense to
you guys but it does to us even if we have done so grudgingly
and agree with a general view that think it's OTT petty! It's a
fine balance.
However whilst we are not social media per se, we are well known
in varying ivory towers & even I get surprised sometimes by who
reads the site/has it monitored or just manages to find out who
has said what! It is therefore always wise, especially to you
young ones, to be careful what you say even on here. Bragging
that a FIFA ref told you he's got a FIFA match in a weeks time &
naming him & the match, against strict FIFA rules, just because
you think it gets you kudos as 'you've spoken to a FIFA ref' can
get you kicked out of an academy & sacked by your county FA & it
doesn't actually impress the rest of us!
Maybe I digress there a bit and I have no wish to take anything
away from Bobby and what he has been through but would like to
add to the lesson he wants learned. I'm sure he won't mind that.
As for your 2nd point WB - I personally would hate the fame side
of it. I've cringed a few times before about referees I have
met at a football match saying things such as "ah your are bmb
aren't you?" before now, that was bad enough and that was just
from people who read here, I can't even begin to think how
horrendous it must be to be recognised whilst wandering around
the local supermarket and some bright spark coming over to tell
you that you're the worst ref ever just as you're shoving a
cream donut or massive tub of ice cream into your trolley! Thank
goodness I was never good enough to get above county level &
trust me it wasn't because of me being mixed race or female but
simply because I was not good enough - I was mediocre at best &
accept that!! ;D
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