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#Post#: 592--------------------------------------------------
Cheshiregrin
DIR By: Pineybear
Date: August 3, 2013, 7:53 pm
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Character Name:
Cheshiregrin
Character Age:
22 moons, a little less than two years.
Gender:
Male
Alliance:
Thunderclan
Rank:
Deputy?
Or warrior.
Appearance (6 or more sentences):
Cheshiregrin is a blue tabby, to put it simply. He has bright
green eyes, and a very large smile. The blue-gray stripes across
his back are brighter than his main pelt color, and have a
tendancy to shine bright blue. Cheshire has four stripes atop
his forehead, and two above his eyes like eyebrows. Fifty-six
stripes run down his back, and over his tail, leaving forty four
running across his fore limbs and hind legs. Cheshire grin has a
black tipped tail, and a few scars on his paw pads from climbing
up trees.
Personality (6 or more sentences):
Cheshiregrin is a very curious and nosy feline. He sometimes
speaks jibberish, and random things that make no sense. The
saying 'curiosity killed the cat' might just be true for
Cheshire. His curiosity will almost always get him into some
sort of problem. He loves to hang around in trees, and chat with
others as they pass by, even though climbing trees isn't the
best idea. Probably because getting down is always a problem.
Now if he could just find a low enough branch, he wouldn't need
to almost fall and kill himself. Even a low branch would be
better for his scratched up paw pads, as less bark means less
scratches.
History (6 or more sentences):
As a young kitten, Cheshire was a loner. Ever so often would he
stay with a family, then the day after, he would leave. Running
into a group of cats as an apprentice age in an alley, the group
tried to kill him. Cheshire was fast, and rather cunning. He
jumped on dumpsters and crates, soon, jumping onto the wall that
blocked his escape, then said the most confusing thing he ever
said: "you know, I'm not all there myself." Quickly grabbing the
attention of the gang, he then fled toward nowhere exactly.
Cheshiregrin was soon found by another group of cats,
Thunderclan cats, who took him in, gave him a name, and a new
set on life.
Comments (optional):
#Post#: 606--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cheshiregrin
DIR By: Puddincat
Date: August 3, 2013, 11:46 pm
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There are a couple of run-ons in history and personality, but
other than that it's great!
#Post#: 612--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cheshiregrin
DIR By: Pineybear
Date: August 4, 2013, 12:03 am
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[S]Okay, ;3 I'll bump when it's done. ;)[/s]
Done.
#Post#: 622--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cheshiregrin
DIR By: Puddincat
Date: August 4, 2013, 4:22 pm
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As, his curiosity will almost always get him into some sort of
problem. He loves to hang around in trees, and chat with others
as they pass by. even though climbing trees isn't the best idea,
because getting down is always a problem.
In the first sentence, the word 'as' isn't necessary. After
'pass by' there should be a comma instead of a period, and a
period instead of a comma after idea.
He jumped on dumpsters and crates, soon, jumping onto the wall
that blocked his escape, then said the most confusing thing he
ever said, "you know, I'm not all there myself." Grabbing the
attention of the gang, and fleeing.
After said there should be a : instead of a comma.
Those are the only things wrong. Bump when you're done, please!
#Post#: 624--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cheshiregrin
DIR By: Pineybear
Date: August 4, 2013, 6:48 pm
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^
#Post#: 626--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cheshiregrin
DIR By: Puddincat
Date: August 4, 2013, 7:39 pm
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In personality a because isn't needed somewhere
and
Grabbing the attention of the gang, and fleeing.
That's a fragment.
asdfg sowweh ;w;
#Post#: 629--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cheshiregrin
DIR By: Pineybear
Date: August 4, 2013, 8:13 pm
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Asdfghjkl i fixed it.
#Post#: 651--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cheshiregrin
DIR By: Pineybear
Date: August 7, 2013, 4:52 am
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.
#Post#: 653--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cheshiregrin
DIR By: Puddincat
Date: August 7, 2013, 10:35 am
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It's still not a complete sentence. It has to have a subject.
#Post#: 656--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cheshiregrin
DIR By: Pineybear
Date: August 7, 2013, 5:18 pm
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I thought 'the attention' was a subject, but okay, I'll re-write
it.
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