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       #Post#: 968--------------------------------------------------
       Exulansis
   DIR By: Plato
       Date: August 19, 2015, 7:36 pm
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       There is a strange push-me pull-you experience we all seem to
       have when it comes to "Plato's Kave". A strange desire to
       connect with like-minded people and then the realization that
       connecting is not possible. This is the first flush of the
       experience. The time between those two events can vary from a
       week to months I guess but the result is the same, "I'm off!
       Good luck everyone."
       But then, Back. Here it is again, that strange desire to express
       oneself within eyeshot of fellow travelers on a singular road.
       Like a small band of Wildebeest who've separated themselves from
       the herd, each finding a solitary trail but within easy grunting
       distance of each other.
       I chalk it up to exulansis.
       exulansis
       n. the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience
       because people are unable to relate to it—whether through envy
       or pity or simple foreignness—which allows it to drift away from
       the rest of your life story, until the memory itself feels out
       of place, almost mythical, wandering restlessly in the fog, no
       longer even looking for a place to land.
       Wow. So close, but they got it backwards, for us it's
       reverse-exulansis. In our journey one becomes the memory,
       leaving the "Me's" life story behind while self drifts on,
       initially restless like fog, feeling out of place within the
       dream and yet knowing it's the dream that's actually out of
       place. So perfect that they got it backwards too as its only a
       memory if you return to Maya, if you move through the gate-less
       gate it's your life story that becomes the memory, as
       awareness/consciousness drifts aimlessly (in flow) onward.
       While not exactly expressing what brings me back, exulansis
       comes closer than any word I've yet found to explain my presence
       here and correlates the distaste of trying to express one's
       experience to the uninitiated while answering why one might want
       to stay connected to this  experience by expressing it at all...
       simply so it doesn't go away.
       Having lived a lifetime in the dream, believing the thoughts
       that arose were mine, now feels like the dreamworld and yet
       there is still a thought that semi-haunts me...
       That "I" could come back and re-take the reigns, re-install the
       tiller.
       This is what brings me here, to spew and express, to appear to
       feel and be felt, to make sure "I" has nothing to do with
       existence, that the watcher is always aware, to sharpen the
       vision of awareness and slice through anything that may smell of
       "me".
       As this deepens, as I grow more comfortable "here" (meaning
       within the form the awareness abides in) and feel less and less
       like I'm sleeping with the enemy, the drive to come here will
       lessen, the reason to come here will just fall away, I see it
       now...
       
       #Post#: 969--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Exulansis
   DIR By: Frits
       Date: August 20, 2015, 4:25 am
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       Thnx. I recognize this in "myself" and "my story" and "my
       leaving and coming back" cycle. Nothing to add, "I thinks", just
       glad you wrote it.
       I find one can't force the falling away of anything, cos than it
       will pull one back, until one forces out again, and gets pulled
       back in... like the tides of a sea. The falling must be natural,
       when whatever "me" is is ready to fall away it will.
       Am I making sense? Don't know, don't care.
       Anyway, I'm staying until I find myself not opening this page
       anymore, and then only my name will appear in the list, like it
       does now, but no replies will be written, apparently. Either way
       doesn't matter to the eyes of the beholder...
       #Post#: 970--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Exulansis
   DIR By: Plato
       Date: August 20, 2015, 8:36 am
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       Well said Frits.  :)
       PS. I like your analogy, the tides of the sea, I'd assume that
       the ones who went further, the Ramana's, Nisargadatta's,
       Buddha's and the Christ's, realized this simple fact:
       There are no tides because there is no sea.
       The miracle of Christ walking on water in a tempest is such a
       great metaphor, his disciples are terrified of the sea and it's
       ferocity, death lurking just outside the boat. Christ walks on
       the sea, is above death, doesn't recognize it as having any
       power over him and as such calms the storm (of the mind).
       Christians take this as a literal, physical miracle, they miss
       the real miracle just as his disciples did. His disciples built
       the religion, is it any wonder no one understands these
       parables?
       I'd say those who've passed the gate-less gate have just been
       beached after a tumultuous life on/in the sea. In the beginning
       we have sea legs, it's odd standing on terra firma for the first
       time and there's a pull to go back to the familiar, the sea.
       Over time (10 years?) one acclimates to this new paradigm, can
       even build a boat on which to navigate the sea (H/A) for
       sustenance, some eventually leave the sea altogether.
       Those of us here are most likely beached (or in the surf) and
       trying to catch our bearings.
       #Post#: 971--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Exulansis
   DIR By: Frits
       Date: August 20, 2015, 11:16 am
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       Very elegantly put. Thank you.
       #Post#: 972--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Exulansis
   DIR By: Justin
       Date: August 20, 2015, 12:08 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Yep well put gentleman. I also like the tide analogy frits.
       For me I observe getting lost in the dream for a while. Fully
       submersed. Between work, relationships, heck even things like
       social media for a time. After a period there is a pulling away
       and a complete withdrawal from it all. A stillness.
       Now it seems to be a choice. I can engage or check out. What I
       see here for me is a resistance to check out completely. Not
       that it's a problem but even coming to this retreat feels like
       I'm trying to latch on to something. Relate to someone. It's not
       necessary yet I choose to do it. Going to look into that a
       little further. Even if just to explore it. After all it's all
       for entertainment. I have no end goal. Just surfing 8)
       #Post#: 982--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Exulansis
   DIR By: Nessa
       Date: August 21, 2015, 10:41 am
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       Steve, thanks for the word. It took me here:
  HTML https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ftDjebw8aA&feature=youtu.be
       It says much more to me, powerfully simple.
       #Post#: 997--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Exulansis
   DIR By: Justin
       Date: August 23, 2015, 2:21 pm
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       Are you fearful that you will never do anything original or ever
       be unique Nessa :D
       Not possible...
       #Post#: 998--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Exulansis
   DIR By: Nessa
       Date: August 23, 2015, 11:52 pm
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       Justin, he didn't really mean it as a fear, rather a feeling. I
       have no fears left, except a somewhat illusory fear of being
       burried alive. Simply not emotionally attached to my own
       existence here in this world.
       He expressed that understanding of being both unique AND a
       copycat of everyone else. I expressed it a year ago as "Every
       word uttered in this world - is an echo started in the caves of
       anscestors. Those have been said a billion times and times a
       billion." We are simply the next in line... to admire the first
       cloud, to feel the raindrops, to have the first kiss... the
       first quarrel... the first disappointment.. the first failure..
       etc. etc.. but it has been done, felt, created, lived through
       many times before - by others.
       His narratives and his way of visually illustrating each of the
       vague feelings which we as humans carry within - felt
       intelligent and sensitive.
       I'm a very old soul, Justin. That maybe the reason why when I
       write - people mostly don't get it. I've lived through each one
       of you here on this Forum and over there, the energies are very
       accurate and..... I don't exist without you or others. It's as
       simple as that. Why do you think Jed is over there consuming? He
       said he's not sure of the mechanism of it. It is part of the
       occult knowing which is beyond a simple exchange here or at
       Jed's, and he is not privy to that knowing either.
       I appreciate your cheeky and sensitive costume. Makes me feel
       alive. You know... the vampire analogy is very real.
       They've taught me some strange stuff on the Moon...
       #Post#: 999--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Exulansis
   DIR By: Nessa
       Date: August 24, 2015, 12:08 am
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       This is when I miss my Nemesis the most.
       He entirely, COMPLETELY comprehended the mechanism, the
       distribution of energies, the exchange, the uniqueness, HOW all
       of it came together in this human hotpot... no one, NO ONE I've
       known - can get even close to his level of seeing.
       #Post#: 1001--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Exulansis
   DIR By: Justin
       Date: August 24, 2015, 12:40 am
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       You are so cryptic Nessa. I have never met anyone with your
       energy. It's very mysterious.
       I've said before that I very much appreciate You, Steve and Ray.
       See, the time I spent searching for meaning including the time
       and energy invested in reading jeds material was a very
       different time in "my life." Very dark and especially
       depressing. It's as if I'd seen the end of the world and lived
       to tell about it.
       I've entertained the thought of meeting you all in "real" life
       but I know that is not necessary and I know that would only
       destroy the idea of you all that I have grown to LOVE. I view
       you guys as brothers in arms. As my fellow lone survivors. Here
       is the sad part, we are all headed our own way now. On our own.
       I especially am headed back, to life.
       Seeing the void, the empty, the nothing had an interesting
       effect on me. It made me see that death was only just a choice
       away. No one was making me live the life I had grown to HATE and
       NO ONE was stopping me from putting an end to it. That was the
       path I was on and that's where the truth took me. Create a
       meaningless life and enjoy it or simply shut the **** up and
       destroy it. It was all up to me.
       I've glimpsed inside Pandora's box and yet, here I am. This
       life, its a wonderful ****ing gift. I intend to make the most of
       it.
       Really do love you. All of you...Justin
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