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#Post#: 1020--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 16, 2013, 2:59 pm
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A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith for advice about
breast enlargements. He told her, "Every day when you get out of
the shower, rub the top of your nipples and say, 'Scooby dooby
dooby, I want bigger boobies.' " She did this every day
faithfully. After several months, it worked! She grew great
boobs! One morning she was running late, and in her rush to
leave for work, she realized she had forgotten her morning
ritual. At this point she loved her boobs and didn't want to
lose them, so she got up in the middle of the bus and said,
"Scooby dooby
dooby, I want bigger boobies." A guy sitting nearby asked her,
"Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?" "Why yes, I do. How did
you know?" The man stood up and cupped his balls and said,
"Hickory dickory dock..."
#Post#: 1598--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 28, 2013, 2:29 pm
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This little boy goes up to his dad and he says "Dad?, What's the
difference between Potentially and Realistically?" To which the
father replies "Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep
with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then you ask your
sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then you ask your brother if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for
a million dollars." So the boy goes up to his mom and asks her
if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars and
the mother replies "Oh my god, of course I would, he is so good
looking!" So the boy moves on and asks his sister if she would
sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and she replies "He
is so fu*cking fine, of course I would!" Then last but no least
he goes up to his brother and asks him if he would sleep with
Tom Cruise for a million dollars, his brother says "Of course I
would, who wouldn't for a million bucks?" So he goes up to his
dad and says "I think I learned the difference between
potentially and realistically" "Well what's the difference?"
says the father. "Well, potentially we're sitting on 3 million
dollars, realistically we're living with 2 sl*uts and a fag!"
#Post#: 1603--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 28, 2013, 2:35 pm
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Rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary.
They're both at Madison Avenue shopping for their wives. Poor
man says to the Rich man, "What'd you get your wife this year?"
He says, "A Mercedes and a huge diamond ring." The poor man
says, "Why'd you get her both?" The Rich man says, "If she
doesn't like the ring, she can take it back happy." The Poor man
says, "O.K. That works." The Rich man says, "Well what did you
get your wife?" The Poor man says, "A pair of slippers and a
dildo." The Rich man says, "Why'd you get her a pair of slippers
and a dildo?" The Poor man says, "If she doesn't like the
slippers, she can go screw herself!"
#Post#: 1604--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 28, 2013, 2:36 pm
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A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his
sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found
his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the
kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have
something to tell you: I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was
about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned
away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay
-- doesn't that mean you put other men's pen*ises in your
mouth?"
The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right." His
mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled
around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said,
"Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!!!!!"
#Post#: 1609--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 28, 2013, 2:39 pm
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"Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea," a patient told his
urologist on the phone. "The only woman he's screwed is our
maid."
"Ok, don't be hard on him. He's just a kid," the medic soothed.
"Get him in here right away and I'll take care of him."
"But, Doc. I've been screwing the maid too and I've got the same
symptoms he has."
"Then you come in with him and I'll fix you both up." Replied
the doctor. "Well," the man admitted, " I think my wife
now has it too."
"Son of a bi*tch!" the physician roared. "That means we've all
got it!"
#Post#: 1610--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 28, 2013, 2:40 pm
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A woman with really hairy underarms boards a crowded bus. Unable
to find a seat, she settles for hanging onto one of the poles. A
drunk man next to her stares at her for three minutes, then
tells her, "I love a woman that does aerobics." The woman
replies angrily, "I don't DO aerobics!" The drunk man then looks
at the woman and says, "Then how did you get your leg up so
high?"
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