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#Post#: 182--------------------------------------------------
Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: December 7, 2012, 6:34 pm
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More than three lines long.
#Post#: 428--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 7, 2013, 7:25 pm
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Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be
The Man of Your House.'
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now
on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word
is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm
finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will
have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to
draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel
me dry and bring me my robe.
Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess
who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'
His Sicilian wife Gina replied, "The fricking funeral director
would be my first guess."
#Post#: 429--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 7, 2013, 7:26 pm
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A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different
each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over
again.
There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each
week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the
show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the
flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace
of spades?"
The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was,
after all, the captain's parrot. Then the ship sank. The
magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the
sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day and then another and then another.
Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and
said,
"OK, I give up. Where's the f*ucking ship?"
#Post#: 430--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 7, 2013, 7:28 pm
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An old man is walking down the street one afternoon when he sees
a woman with perfect breasts.
He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me BITE your breasts
for $100?"
"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner
before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for
$1,000?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So the little old man runs around the next block and faces her
again, "Would you let me bite your breasts - just once - for
$10,000?!"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000...
Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over
there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to
reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing
them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying
his face in them - but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna
bite them or not?'
"Nah," says the little old man... "Costs too much!"
#Post#: 431--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 7, 2013, 7:28 pm
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Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest,
when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he
walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal.. When he
enters a roomeveryone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he
walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence,
the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast,
24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say,
"Oh My God."
#Post#: 495--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 8, 2013, 2:56 pm
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There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and
Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song
on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing,
she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you
have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?"
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but
I have two nuts and seven inches!"
So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"
To which the man replied, "No, its average!"
#Post#: 561--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 10, 2013, 10:31 am
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A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around
his neck and 2 black eyes. "What happened to you?" asked the
doctor. "Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and
by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to
investigate, I saw the ball in a cow's ass. I went and lifted
the tail of the cow and that's when I made my mistake." The
doctor looked puzzled and asked, "What mistake was that?"
"I said 'Hey this looks like yours hun!'"
#Post#: 567--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 10, 2013, 10:36 am
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A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the
counter says, "What size?"
He says, "I don't know."
She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"
He says, "Bigger."
She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"
He says, "Smaller?"
She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."
She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."
#Post#: 572--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 10, 2013, 10:52 am
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A guy starts a new job, and the boss says, "If you marry my
daughter, I'll make you a partner, give you an expense account,
a Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary."
The guy says, "What's wrong with her?"
The boss shows him a picture, and she's hideous.
The boss says, "It's only fair to tell you, she's not only ugly,
she's as dumb as a wall."
The guy says, "I don't care what you offer me, it ain't worth
it."
The boss says, "I'll give you a five million dollar salary and
build you a mansion on Long Island."
The guy accepts, figuring he can put a bag over her head when
they have sex.
About a year later, the guy buys an original Van Gogh and he's
about to hang it on the wall.
He climbs a ladder and yells to his wife, "Bring me a hammer."
She mumbles, "Get the hammer. Get the hammer," and she fetches
the hammer.
The guy says, "Get me some nails."
She mumbles, "Get the nails. Get the nails," and she gets him
some nails.
The guys starts hammering a nail into the wall, he hits his
thumb, and he yells, "Fu-ck!"
She mumbles, "Get the bag. Get the bag."
#Post#: 573--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 10, 2013, 10:53 am
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A very naive British sailor is in a bar in London. He meets a
wild girl, and she takes him upstairs. She takes off her pants
and her panties.
He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's that?"
She says, "It's me lower mouth."
He says, "What do you mean, 'your lower mouth?'"
She says, "Just what I said, it's me lower mouth. It's got a
mustache... It's got lips..."
He asks, "Has it got a tongue in it?"
She says, "Not yet. . ."
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