DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bipolartry
HTML https://pizmit.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Clean Jokes
*****************************************************
#Post#: 1012--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 16, 2013, 2:52 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, retire to
his house for what is popularly termed a "nooner." "Don't
worry," he purrs. "My wife is out of town on a business trip,
there's no risk." As one thing leads to another, the woman
reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop, I
forgot to bring birth control!" "No problem," her lover replies.
"I'll get my wife's diaphragm." After a few minutes of
searching, he returns to the bedroom in a fury. "That witch!" he
exclaims. "She took it with her! I always knew she didn't trust
me!"
#Post#: 1015--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 16, 2013, 2:55 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play
date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?" The
mother looks over at the little girl, "Honey, you are not
supposed to ask a lady her age, it isn't polite." the mother
warns. "Ok," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and
are really none of your business." Undaunted, the little girl
asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother
walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her
friend. "Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at
her driver's license. It is like a report card, it has
everything on it." Later that night the little girl says to her
mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is
surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is past
surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you find that
out?" The little girl continues on triumphantly, "And... I know
why you and daddy got divorce."
"Oh really?", the mother asks, "Why is that?" To which the girl
replies, "Because you got an F in sex."
#Post#: 1019--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 16, 2013, 2:58 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
The guy says, "Doc, I'm having trouble getting it up." The
doctor examines him and says, "You'll need to have some work
done to bring back your sex drive. I can do it in a series of
operations that will take thirty days and cost twelve thousand
dollars, or I can do it in one operation right away that would
cost thirty thousand dollars. Why don't you go home and discuss
it with your wife?" The next day the guy comes back into the
doctor's office. The doctor says, "What did you decide?" He
says, "We're going to re-do the kitchen."
#Post#: 1021--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 16, 2013, 3:00 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
This fellow comes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of
Cyanide. The pharmacist, trying to keep a professional posture,
asked what he wanted it for. He answered, "I want to kill my
wife." "I'm sorry Sir," the pharmacist replied, "but you will
have to understand under such circumstances I can't sell you any
Cyanide." The guy reaches into his wallet and produces a photo
of his wife. The pharmacist looks at the photo of the ugliest
woman he has ever seen, blushes and replies, "I am sorry Sir,
let me get it for you... I didn't realize you had a
prescription."
#Post#: 1599--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 28, 2013, 2:30 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" a little
girl asked. "No, I don't think so. Fifi is in heat," replied the
mother. "What does that mean?" asked the child. Embarrassed and
not wanting to get into a biological discussion with her young
daughter, the Mother said, "Oh, just go ask your father. I think
he is in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take
Fifi for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that
Fifi was in heat, and that I had to come talk to you." Not
wanting to have the biological discussion either, the father
said, "Bring Fifi over here." He took a rag, soaked it with
gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it. "Okay, now
you can go for a walk but keep Fifi on the leash and you can
only go around the block once."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO
DOG on the leash. "Where is Fifi?" her father asked. "She should
be here in a minute," advised the daughter. "She ran out of gas
about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her
home."
#Post#: 1601--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 28, 2013, 2:32 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Researcher: Excuse me madam, I'm conducting a survey.
Woman: Yes, what is it about?
Researcher: We are asking people what they think about sex on
the television...
Woman: Very uncomfortable, I would imagine!
#Post#: 1602--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 28, 2013, 2:33 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with
a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked
over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?"
"1956," was his reply. "No wonder you look so uptight!" she
exclaimed. "Major, you need to get out more!"
"I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his
watch, ..."It's only 2014 now."
#Post#: 1611--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 28, 2013, 2:40 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a
drink?". Looking back unimpressed at the man she replies, "Okay,
but it won't do you any good." A little later, he asks, "May I
buy you another drink?"
"Okay, but it still won't do you any good." He invites her up to
his apartment and she replies, "Okay, but it won't do you any
good." They get to his apartment and he says, "You are the most
beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife." She
says, "Oh, that's different. Send her in."
#Post#: 1612--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 28, 2013, 2:42 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she
found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy
her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all
these short term relationships. "Isn't there some way to judge
the size of a man's equipment from the outside?" she asked
earnestly. "The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet,"
counselled the therapist. So the woman went downtown and
proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young
fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet
she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined
and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an
evening of abandon. When the man woke up the next morning, the
woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill
and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and
go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you."
*****************************************************
DIR Previous Page
DIR Next Page