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#Post#: 181--------------------------------------------------
Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: December 7, 2012, 6:33 pm
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More than three lines long.
#Post#: 432--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 7, 2013, 7:29 pm
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A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well," said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon as wonderful! So
romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we
returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things
I'd never heard before!
I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me
home... PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay
with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be
so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm
so embarrassed they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell
your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama ... he used words like:
dust, wash, iron, cook..."
"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.
#Post#: 433--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 7, 2013, 7:30 pm
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An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual
physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm
sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which
only allows you another 6 weeks to live."
"But Doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great. I haven't felt better
in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can
do?"
After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start going
down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every
day."
Excitedly Bill asked, "And that will cure me?"
"No," replied the doctor, "but it will get you used to the
dirt."
#Post#: 437--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 7, 2013, 7:32 pm
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A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their
cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so
they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of
face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you
when we're making love,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half
the price.'
#Post#: 494--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 8, 2013, 2:54 pm
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A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he can
increase his stock. A couple of weeks later the friend comes by
to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that
the bull just eats grass and won't look at the cows. His friend
suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull. The
following week his friend returns to see if the vet helped. The
farmer looks delighted: "The bull has taken care of all my cows,
broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor's
cows! "Wow," says his friend, "what did the vet do to that
bull?" "Just gave him some pills'" said the farmer. "What kind
of pills?" asked his friend. "I don't know, but they sort of
taste like peppermint."
#Post#: 496--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 8, 2013, 2:57 pm
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Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about
Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything
absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told
her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours.
She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"
The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I
told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to
give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!"
Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the
hall. "Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I
told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"
#Post#: 562--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 10, 2013, 10:32 am
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A young man and his date were parked on a back road some
distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl
stopped.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a
hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her,
and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking
out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a
taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."
#Post#: 563--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 10, 2013, 10:33 am
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A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a
washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He
asked the sales person "How much are the washer and dryer?"
"Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said.
"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man replied
sarcastically.
"No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you want to buy
them or not?"
"Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded.
He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a
detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier,
speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asked.
"Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered.
"Is it stolen?" the guy asks.
"No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or
not?"
"Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some more.
Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and
monitor. "How much?"
"Five dollars," was the familiar response.
"I'll take that too!" the man said.
As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked
him,
"Why are your prices so cheap?"
The salesman said, "Well, the owner of the store is at my house
right now with my wife.
What he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business!"
#Post#: 564--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 10, 2013, 10:33 am
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What a woman says...
This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You'll have no clothes to wear if we
don't do laundry right now!
What a man hears...
blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!
#Post#: 565--------------------------------------------------
Re: Really Long Jokes
By: Pizmit Date: February 10, 2013, 10:35 am
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A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer
approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about
something.
"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"
"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding -- but it is a matter of
life or death."
"Oh, really? How's that?"
"There's a naked woman waiting for me at home."
"I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."
"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."
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