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#Post#: 5365--------------------------------------------------
Paraprosdokian sentences
By: Mac Date: January 23, 2012, 3:54 pm
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[glow=red,2,300]Paraprosdokian
HTML http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraprosdokian
sentences[/glow]
• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his
level and beat you with experience.
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on
the list.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
• We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
• War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.
• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets
the cheese.
• Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening," and
then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from
many is research.
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where
a train stops. My desk is a work station.
• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?
• Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity,
they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and
throw them fish.
• I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay
checks.
• A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove
that you don't need it.
• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If
an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America?
• Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of
a successful man is usually another woman.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice.
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some
good ideas!
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it
back.
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such
a way that you will look forward to the trip.
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home,
even if you wish they were.
• Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to
live with.
• I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be
devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches
my foot.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they
go.
• There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down
so they can't get away.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after
it as when you are in it.
• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some
people have more than one child?
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that
way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
sexy.
• Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others
have no imagination whatsoever.
#Post#: 5366--------------------------------------------------
Re: Paraprosdokian sentences
By: Chiprocks1 Date: January 23, 2012, 4:04 pm
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Zing!!
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