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#Post#: 1533--------------------------------------------------
In Memory of Dani...
By: Mac Date: September 9, 2011, 9:37 am
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In Memory of Dani…
First, I don’t want this thread to be a buzz kill. In fact the
opposite. I want be people to be able to smile and have joy in
their heart about my beautiful daughter Danielle.
Today, Dani would have been 26. I can only imagine what she
would be like. Married? Career? Kids? I know what I have thought
but that doesn’t matter anymore.
Dani was 12 years old when the accident happened. Mom driving
her to her gymnastics class, across a very busy intersection
that then did not have a light. Everything is burned into my
brain the events that happened that night. Beyond that, I
literally have no recollection of anything in the following year
or so.
Dani was a petite girl with ambitions to dance and act and had a
laugh that was infectious. I tried to help coach her softball
team, but to her own desires, really wasn’t interested. She
played one year for me but she wanted more girly things and that
was so fine with me.
A phenomenal student and loved by many with several very close
friends that I had the pleasure to have part of our family.
Dani and her brother were very tight. Sure they had their
typical brother/sister differences and arguments, but they got
along so well. Maybe it was only the two year difference. Maybe
they were so like each other. They were never a problem and I
was proud of them.
In the beginning I had hatred towards God, but over time, while
I still don’t know the ‘Why’, I’ve accepted the thinking that
God cried too when she died.
Instead I look at it as God gave me this gift of this precious
little girl and I was honored to be part of her life for 12
amazing years.
I would like to create another web site dedicated to my
daughter… and son. Just post some pics and tell the world about
my special little girl.
I completely and wholeheartedly believe Dani and Alex are the
reasons I was put on earth.
So smile and know there is so much love for a beautiful girl
that graced our presence, even if for a little while.
#Post#: 1534--------------------------------------------------
Re: In Memory of Dani...
By: ChipRawks Date: September 9, 2011, 9:42 am
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Mac, never make apologies or think it's a buzz kill. Thanks for
sharing and letting us in on something very personal and private
to you and your family.
#Post#: 33746--------------------------------------------------
Re: In Memory of Dani...
By: Mac Date: February 25, 2015, 2:25 pm
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Ran across this piece I wrote some time ago. It just hit me how
little has changed and how so much has changed.
[quote][font=georgia][size=18pt]Never[/font]
Never has such a sting. It has a hurt like I ever have felt
before.
Never is such a powerful concept. Everybody knows the meaning
of the word, very few feel it or are concerned about it. We may
"never" see a someone again or we may "never" visit a place
again. But this is OK. In fact it becomes "never" for probably a
good reason.
We fall away from friends or we have no ambition to go back to
that certain place. It is something accepted. Never becomes
important when we expect things to happen and they disappear,
never to happen again.
Never makes me cry now. It is something that stares me in the
face every day, all day. It will be hurting me til the day I
die. You see, my daughter Danielle died 4 years ago. She was a
shining star. A beautiful girl ready to take on the world.
I will never see her accomplish this.
I will never see her laugh, sing or dance again.
I can never have a conversation with her.
I can never look into her eyes and see her warmth and love.
I can never tell her I love her and see her face light up.
I can never hold her tight in my arms.
I will never see her grow up, go to school get married, have
kids.
Everytime I said never in the sentences above, never ripped
through my heart.
It is so hard to ever turn on a smile knowing I will never feel
the joy and happiness Dani brought to me. None of it makes sense
and it never will.
Never is such a long time. I can only hope it will be an instant
for Dani before I see her again in heaven.
Dani's dad[/size][/quote]
#Post#: 33749--------------------------------------------------
Re: In Memory of Dani...
By: Chiprocks1 Date: February 25, 2015, 2:59 pm
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That right there is powerful. Every word of it.
#Post#: 39080--------------------------------------------------
Re: In Memory of Dani...
By: Mac Date: September 13, 2016, 12:52 pm
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Dani's Birthday was a few days ago. I miss her so.
I thought about it all that day. I no longer go to the grave
site. It's a yin-yang, sweet/sour visit. Sometimes I would think
I could feel her... other times it just seemed so stark. So I
don't go there.
I do go through my box of stuff of hers. Pictures, letters,
cards, artwork. It can be intense. Other times, it's a joy. If I
think about it too much, then it becomes incredibly hard to do
anything. It hits me unexpectedly about 5-6 times a year. So I
try to balance with just enough of her to fill me up with joy.
She would be 31 today and it's becoming extremely difficult to
imagine what she would be like. Sure I could kind of imagine
her a beautiful young woman, but don't get much beyond an
angelic image. What would she be like? Career? Kids? Family?
Interests? Home?
I just write here for myself and reconcile on occasion. It does
have it's cathartic virtues.
So many what if's.
Dani... I love you and will never stop loving you.
#Post#: 39081--------------------------------------------------
Re: In Memory of Dani...
By: Chiprocks1 Date: September 13, 2016, 1:40 pm
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Knowing the kind of person you are, she would be just like you,
no doubt.
#Post#: 39084--------------------------------------------------
Re: In Memory of Dani...
By: Mac Date: September 13, 2016, 6:26 pm
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Thanks for the kind words. I'll go with that. :)
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