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#Post#: 34074--------------------------------------------------
My Mom
DIR By: Mac
Date: March 20, 2015, 9:21 am
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Just writing down my thoughts...
Ya know, life throws a lot you, where no one can teach you how
to deal with situations.
My parents have become a challenge… to me and the rest of the
family. Not a horrible challenge, but some very, very difficult
challenges. And when we, outside of the challenge, have to make
decisions, it can wear on you. I don’t mean to place some of the
blame on my Mom, but I don’t see any other recourse. The latest
10-15 years of her life, she has for some unknown reason became
the complete opposite of her ‘normal’ nature. She has chosen a
life of a hermit and become sedentary. She married a man who is
nice, quiet and doesn’t do much. He took care of her in just
about every way. He became the house caretaker. My Mom evolved
into doing very little. Became completely dependent on him
taking care of her. Now, that his mental and physical self has
deteriorated significantly, Mom has painted herself into a
corner, because he can no longer take care of her. In fact, it’s
turned around where she needs to take care of him. And I think
that not only she can’t physically, she doesn’t want to. I won’t
call her a diva, but I will call her selfish and lazy.
I’m not in this alone. Thank gawd, my brother, his wife, my
brother-in-law and his wife are excellent support. While I’ve
gone through difficult situations before, it’s a blessing they
are on board with this.
So my Mom has essentially put herself into this situation. She
currently resides in Delmar Gardens, a rehab facility that has
doctors, nurses, specialist… 24/7. She got there a year ago,
after spending weeks in a hospital, because she simply fell down
one day at home. Didn’t break anything. But since she was so
fragile, the fall had a major impact. The fall, I believe, is
due to her life of doing literally nothing. There were days and
weeks of never getting out of the bed. She didn’t get out of bed
due to stomach problems. Thus she rarely ate, and didn’t move.
Totally letting her body go. She never made the connection of
health, movement, mental state, etc. She chose, yes I said
‘chose’, this way of life. And that has been one of the big
mysteries. Why would anyone choose to think and live that way?
Thus far, she has lived at Delmar for a year, slooooooooly
recovering. But still sitting in a wheel chair. Mentally she is
doing better. She used to be catatonic. But physically she can
barely walk with a walker. Meanwhile her husband, has gotten
worse with Demetia and his physical well being. He can currently
live on his own at Briarcrest, but just barely. My Mom is now
making it a mission to get back with him some way. Constantly
pressuring family to get them back together. I understand the
emotional part of it. But reality, we all know what would happen
if that happened. None of it is good. And that is the challenge
facing us.
My Mom does not understand her situation. Believe me, we have
explained it time and time again and from every direction. She
chooses only to hear and believe what she believes. So my weekly
visits of late have become a test in patience and endurance. I’m
not sure we will every help her understand her situation. There
are only a few options and she is ignoring them. Her memory is
sooooo bad. For instance, we bring Bob to see her for a short
time. Because 1) they have nothing to say to each other and 2)
Bob remembers nothing. We tell mom, what would that be like 24/7
with him? It’s not the same anymore.
I had to write this, at the very least, think out loud about the
actions I’m taking with her. It comes down to tough love. She is
not in a horrible situation, but she could make it so much
better than she does. I just can’t let her go back and slip
right back into a very unhealthy situation. My family and the
doctors & nurses have confirmed my thoughts. She goes back, she
will immediately go back to her old ways, quickly become
unhealthy and be back at Delmar in a very short time. I know
this because she has done this 3 times previously. She is who
she is.
#Post#: 34094--------------------------------------------------
Re: My Mom
DIR By: Chiprocks1
Date: March 23, 2015, 11:06 am
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Mac, I totally sympathize with your problem. I more or less took
care of my Grandparents since I was 16 years old and onward and
as they got older, it became more problematic, which tried my
patience to no end in just getting them to take better care of
themselves. Easier said than done. I could (and would) talk to
them until I was blue in the face and it still wouldn't make a
dent because they (and each of us) are set in our ways. They are
either going to do it or they won't. If they want to do what is
necessary, they will. But in most cases, old age tends to sap
their energy and doing the same things they use to do in the
past so easily, become larger than life later in old age. All I
could do was grin and bare it and just be there and hope for the
best, even if I knew it would never improve for either of us.
#Post#: 34095--------------------------------------------------
Re: My Mom
DIR By: Mac
Date: March 23, 2015, 11:15 am
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Thanks bud for sharing that. Good advice.
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