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       #Post#: 22014--------------------------------------------------
       The Onion
   DIR By: Mac
       Date: August 15, 2013, 12:56 pm
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       [glow=red,2,300]New Super-Fast Transport System Powered By
       Passengers’ Screams[/glow]
       SAN FRANCISCO—Entrepreneur Elon Musk unveiled his plans Monday
       for a revolutionary Hyperloop transportation system, which would
       seat riders in vacuum-like tubes, launch them from Los Angeles
       to San Francisco, and would be powered solely by the screams of
       its terrified passengers. “With zero negative effects on the
       environment, the Hyperloop could cut travel times in half, or
       even by two thirds, depending on how loud passengers’ shrieks
       and pleas for help are,” said Musk, adding that special turbines
       will convert the horrified screams of its riders into kinetic
       energy, which would then propel the capsule at record speeds
       toward its final destination. “If passengers are terrified
       enough to scream in abject terror the entire duration of the
       ride—and they probably will, knowing that even the slightest
       malfunction will cause their flesh to peel off their bodies—an
       hour-and-a-half trip from New York City to San Francisco could
       be a reality.” Musk added that his team is still working on
       technology that would power the rapid transportation tubes with
       both crying and silently praying to God for the trip to be over.
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