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#Post#: 11791--------------------------------------------------
Arrogance vs. Confidence
By: Mac Date: August 28, 2012, 4:10 pm
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For about the past 9 months, I’ve been in a new assignment. The
intent was one direction I was familiar with, but actually it
turned quickly into another direction, that I was not even
remotely familiar with. I’ve changed assignments over the years
so much it’s not new to me. In fact, on occasion, I’ve asked for
the change because quite frankly I get easily bored with
repetition. In some ways I would think doing the same thing like
factory work would be bliss, but mostly I think it would be
hell.
Now my recent 180 degree career turn has brought some
challenges. I’ve been wrestling with this every day since I’ve
arrived. Since I’ve not been fully trained nor had experience in
the subject at hand, it was decided that I become a mentee to
the ‘subject matter expert’. I’ve known ‘Bob’ for a long time.
Just haven’t had to spend more than an hour at any one time.
Now, I am under his wing, 8 hours a day, my perspective have
changed dramatically. I’m not going to get into a whine rant,
which would only alleviate stress for a few minutes. I’ve
positioned myself to take it and use this experience for my own
well being.
This has lead to my primary thought of what is the difference
between arrogance and confidence, because of Bob. Life
experiences are great teachers. If you haven’t be been observing
life as you’re walking through it and learning from it, you’re a
fool. I’ve seen confidence. I’ve seen arrogance. In my mind,
they are pretty clear, but there can be fine lines and I believe
that’s all due to how you, yourself react to this person’s
characteristics.
There has been many a day I just want to scream, or worse, to
say take a flying leap. But this outburst would only be fatal.
So I’ve grown thick skin and now try to posture myself to
understand, not only myself, but this person’s characteristics I
have to deal with. I’m learning many things. Sometimes they
slowly fade in, other times it’s a light bulb. The light bulb in
this case has been questioning what is arrogance vs. confidence.
And it all started with my mentor telling me I need to show
confidence. In my mind confidence is having that knowledge and
leveraging it to it best use. But my mentor told me to have
confidence despite what I know… or don’t. In my mind, that is
arrogance. Not knowing your limits. I want to be confident and
depending on the subject at hand, I can gain it quickly or it
can take years. I’m dealing with an arrogant individual that
does indeed know his subject, but he does not know how to deal
with people. Well, not fully. He gets some things right, but
many times his arrogance shines and defeats his purpose.
One example is sometime back, he started to call me butt boy.
Grunt if you will. It struck me as wrong from the first time I
heard it. I was not in a position to ask him to stop. I forgot
to say his arrogance was matched his never to tell him anything,
only ask questions mentality. Mostly butt boy was in his face to
face teaching moments, but one time in a big meeting he said it
to everybody. I did not react in anyway, but just left. Not
sulking. Just left. I was not interested in any further
discussion in the meeting. He noticed and approached me. He knew
something was wrong. I wonder if he knew something the whole
time. Anyway, he did recognize someone else’s feelings besides
his own. This was a breakthrough for him.
I do think he has been learning from me as well. I didn’t
particularly ask for this but feel, maybe it is something I have
to offer and maybe God is directing me a little. I’m learning,
he’s learning, hopefully. I do see a lot of emptiness in him. We
have a lot in common. Loss of love (our wife’s), family
conflicts, etc. As long as I can see some change, I will
continue to try. I can’t imagine myself in this position
forever. So as a hopeful attitude I see I will benefit somehow
out of this, despite being some of the worst work situation I’ve
been in. There’s been one other way worse, but that’s for
another day.
So this discussion is really for arrogance vs. confidence and I
like what Michele Cushatt has to say
[quote]
A large portion of my life is spent either on a stage, prepping
for a stage, or working with those who make their living on a
stage. Whether the medium is speaking or writing, my world is a
public one.
After spending years in this arena, however, I’ve discovered the
spotlight grows arrogance like the sun grows grass. Hardly a
week passes when I don’t encounter someone (online or in person)
who reeks of self-importance. I’ve always had a sensitive
sniffer, and the stench of arrogance can turn my nose up in a
split second.
About as quickly as I mutter my displeasure, I’m struck with a
horrible thought: What if I stink just as bad? What if my
attitude and responses are polluted by a rotten root of
arrogance within? Quite often Arrogance is the last person to
see herself clearly.
More often than not, I struggle with a thread of insecurity. And
so I attempt to reassure myself: Arrogance and insecurity can’t
coexist, can they? Yes, they can. In fact, arrogance is often an
attempt to mask an acute awareness of weakness. Self-deprecation
is its own form of self-consumption. Whether I’m glossing myself
or mourning my failures, I’m still making it all about me.
Arrogance repels. Confidence, on the other hand, attracts. Like
a fulcrum centered between two distasteful extremes, confidence
keeps a person grounded and draws other people in. It provides a
sense of safety, for self and others. It inspires, encourages,
challenges, leads. One definition describes confidence this way:
The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something;
firm trust. The state of feeling certain about the truth of
something.
A person of confidence knows where she stands. She isn’t
compelled to carry “look at me!’ signs and brag about her
position or strengths. She is simply aware of both, grateful for
her gifts, and determined to use them to the best of her
ability.
The line between confidence and arrogance often appears thin,
but the canyon between the two is significant. How can you
recognize the difference?
◦Posture. Arrogance carries himself with a telltale
swagger. He carries his own spotlight and shows off as often as
possible. He’s aggressive and difficult to approach, even as
he’s vying for attention. Confidence walks tall, assured, but
far less domineering. He is approachable, adopting an open and
easy posture. No flashy signs or side-show are needed. Being
himself is enough.
◦Conversation. Arrogance spends more time bragging and
less time inquiring, more time talking and less time listening.
He doesn’t ask many questions, because he can’t afford to lose
any ground. Confidence inquires and then listens. He doesn’t get
defensive at differing responses or feel compelled to disagree
or respond. He’s certain of what he believes, but is open enough
to allow for the opinions and exploration of others.
◦Relationships. The difference between confidence and
arrogance might be most noticeable in relationships. Arrogance
brags and then belittles, puffs up self while deflating others.
Arrogance feels threatened by others’ success, and often turns
it into a competition. Confidence is aware of both his strengths
and weaknesses. He also allows for the strengths and weaknesses
of others. He is unafraid to celebrate the success of others, as
well as his own. This makes him easy to be around.
◦History. Arrogance promises the moon, but typically
delivers nothing but air. He boasts about his strengths, but
when the time comes and his strengths are needed, he rarely
shows up. If life were a poker game, Arrogance would be great at
bluffing. He’s more concerned about image than true success.
Confidence knows how to work hard. He lets his efforts and
achievements speak for themselves. If you look at his track
record, you’ll see consistency and follow through.
Confidence is a work of the heart. Like the frame of a house,
it’s the solid internal support without which a person will
eventually fall. Arrogance, on the other hand, is a frantic
attempt to hang curtains on a frameless home. It adds color and
draws attention, but it’s a poor coverup for what’s missing at
heart.
[/quote]
So like the author, I want to know where I stand and be
confident. Life just becomes easier.
#Post#: 11792--------------------------------------------------
Re: Arrogance vs. Confidence
By: Chiprocks1 Date: August 28, 2012, 4:30 pm
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I don't know how you can put up with this kind of behavior for
as long as you have. You're a better man than me for sure. I've
worked with a lot of people over the years and have never been
able to just sit and take it. Not saying that's what you did.
Figure of speech on my part. Normally I will let things play out
to see if the other person will self correct themselves. In most
cases or about 99% of the time, they never do. So, in that time
where I don't see any improvement, I also see how these
individuals start rubbing other people the wrong way (not just
me) and I end up addressing the situation, usually to everyone's
delight.
Life is way to short to have to put up with bullsh*t like this.
I don't wake up in the morning and drive to work just so that I
can begin my day dreading a hostile work environment. I have
taxes to do that for me when they would take a big chunk out of
my paycheck. No, work should be a place where you can be
productive, not just for the company, but for your own benefit
as it keeps the mind active. The bonus is making lasting
friendships that you can take beyond the work place.
I'm glad you are moving on and to some extent your co-worker as
well. Keep your chin up dude.
#Post#: 11794--------------------------------------------------
Re: Arrogance vs. Confidence
By: Mac Date: August 28, 2012, 5:40 pm
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Thanks man, and I do get what you're saying. I've been saying.
Life is too short for this bulls hit. There's a million people
here in this company and I work with the bigger douche's in the
company.
C'mon!!!
I've expressed months back to my real boss (mentor/mentee is
just temporary things), that this is not a good fit. Keep the
eyes and ears open to something else.
The company is in a very uncomfortable position. With the
sequestering coming from congress soon, everybody is just on
edge, scared, etc. I'll hold out for the election and early next
year. See if I'm safe.
#Post#: 16221--------------------------------------------------
Re: Arrogance vs. Confidence
By: Mac Date: January 25, 2013, 6:04 pm
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Oh happy days...
I've got a new assignment. I had thought about this over winter
break. I had to leave or some bad things were going to happen
Bored to death
Loose my cool
Say hings I shouldn't
Loosing sleep
Stomach problems
Headaches
Skipping work
I talked with my supervisors and got things in motion. It
happened quick. I am so happy.
I know some of the guys where I'm going and I believe this will
be good in so many ways.
So before I go in two weeks, I'm taking a weeks vacation, to be
away from asshole and take time before work kicks in full time
again.
BUT... Guess what, asshole wants me back to be with him for 4
days to review and test.
What a dick
So typical of him, to pull a dick move like that. What will 4
days do? I know, last moments to show his arrogance, make me
feel how much I don't know.
Oh we'll, gotta let it go. Grit though the 4 days, uncomfortable
as it will be.
#Post#: 16223--------------------------------------------------
Re: Arrogance vs. Confidence
By: Mac Date: January 25, 2013, 6:44 pm
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And...
I found another side affect...
I noticed myself giving off dick like characteristics, to my
wife, family and others. I knew it as soon as I did them. What a
horrible character to take on because your around it. I noticed
the people in the room are far different than what I'm used too.
Mostly quiet. Very little kidding around. Maybe not because of
him, but still a very stifling atmosphere.
#Post#: 16224--------------------------------------------------
Re: Arrogance vs. Confidence
By: Chiprocks1 Date: January 25, 2013, 7:04 pm
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Yeah, just let it go and get back to what you want to be....the
life of the party. Your life. Not his. Time to start enjoying it
again!! Drink up buddy!!
#Post#: 16225--------------------------------------------------
Re: Arrogance vs. Confidence
By: Mac Date: January 25, 2013, 9:48 pm
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Cheers
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