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#Post#: 4--------------------------------------------------
Anxiety story.
DIR By: Gavin730
Date: June 30, 2018, 5:27 pm
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Hi.
I'm Gavin.
Forgive me. English is not my main language.
I am a 23 yr old boy from the philippines.
I am having health anxiety for 9 months now.
My anxiety is caused by thinking that i may have contracted a
disease which is called hiv. It all started when i began to have
sex with a sex worker on September 24 2017 to be exact. Yeah i
know. I messed up.
Continuing the story.
After a month i notice something wrong with my private part. As
a worried well i resorted to google and found out that i may
have hpv! :o So without delay the next day i did go to a
dermatologist and examine my problem. She diagnosed it as a
whitehead and said that i should not worry about it. The
following days are normal after that, back to my normal cycle
until one night i notice something on my body. Some red pimple
like dots which i never noticed before. Guess what! I googled
again and Yes! It is a symptom of hiv! I cried! I cried like a
little kid in my dark room. It feels like all is lost. What
about my future?How can i help my sisters finances for her to go
to school? How can i help my parents in our daily needs? if i
may have a virus that can kill me. I will just become much
..more of a burden to them rather than to be of help. All these
thoughts rumbling on my mind. I just want to disappear. Too much
bad thoughts.
I googled and googled my sleepless nights. All of the symptoms i
read i feel them happening to me. At that point i am very
convinced that i have it.
My anxiety got the best of me. I resigned from my work and go
home to our province to think things through for 2 months.
On that period of 2 months. I man up and said to myself that i
should get tested. If i end up positive with hiv then ill fight
it and take medication. So i went back to the city and got
tested.
May 26 2018 i got tested and it turned out to be non reactive.
The catch is i should be fine now right? I am negative of hiv.
Wrong.
I still cant shake the feeling that im not ok. i am still here
googling and finding some assurance that my test is accurate and
that i am good and out of the woods. 3 to 4 hrs a day i google
and find assurance that i am ok.
Hell i even talked to a doctor and an hiv counselor both in real
life and online and said that my test is conclusive. As of now i
am still fighting this anxiety everyday. Wish me luck!
I post my story here so that i could vent and to be honest it
really feels good. We dont need to face this alone. Come and
join us here and lets talk and vent our worries.Lets support
everyone here that are facing this battle, because at the end of
the day we are the only ones that can understand each other.
#Post#: 6--------------------------------------------------
Re: Anxiety story.
DIR By: Gavin730
Date: July 6, 2018, 8:22 am
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Hi.
Me again.
Feeling a bit low again today.
Yesterday i was fine but now im on this vicious cycle again.
Saw my tongue in the mirror it looked white to me i feel i have
oral thrush which is a symptom of hiv.
Here in my room again struggling not to search google instead i
came here. Wonder when will this end. I am fine this morning
having laughs with my mom and sister. Joking around. :-\
#Post#: 7--------------------------------------------------
Re: Anxiety story.
DIR By: Gavin730
Date: July 8, 2018, 5:47 am
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Update.
Im in the hospital now ICU. Tending to my dad.
He had heart attack.
I hate hospitals. This is too much for me but i dont have any
choice. He needs me.
You know the feeling that there will be a time you will be here
again and you will be the one who will be hospitalized?
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