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#Post#: 1851--------------------------------------------------
...
By: Rebelia. Date: January 17, 2013, 9:43 pm
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[font=georgia]well, i couldn't think of a title.
my grandmother has cancer, && she's on one of the more severe
stages. i don't know what stage she's on, but i do know that
it's one of the last ones. every morning i wake up afraid that
my mom's going to come in the room && tell me that she's gone.
whenever i see her, i feel like it's the last time i will ever
see her, && i want to start crying, but i force myself not to,
at least not in front of her. i already lost my other
grandmother which i am still grieving over. my great uncle was a
marine, && he fought in the vietnam war. in that war, the usa
put agent orange, a defoliant all over the place, which is bad
for the soldiers' lungs. because of this, he died last summer. a
few minutes ago at dinner, my mom told me that my grandma's
health has gotten worse. she's very weak && we can't visit her
until she regains her strength--if she does. what bothered me
the most was the part when my mom said that not everyone lasts
forever, && that the doctors can keep fighting the cancer, but
it will come back. i'm starting to get the feeling that my
grandma is dying && my mom isn't telling me. i can't handle the
depression && the fear of losing her. when my other grandmother
was in a comma, i prayed every night for her to wake up && be
okay, but in the end, i lost her. after that, i fell into
depression, going to my room && locking the door everyday when i
got home, && crying into my pillow. i don't want to lose my
grandmother like i lost my other grandmother. i don't think i
can bare it if she dies. i wish that they would find a cure for
cancer, because i hate seeing her so miserable. when i was a
little kid, we used to go on road trips to all kinds of places
like disney world, new orleans, north carolina, louisiana,
georgia, tons more. those are the moments that i cherished the
most, because i spent them with her. && with my other
grandmother, i remember that she was absolutely fine, healing
her two broken ankles in the hospital, && one morning the nurse
found her laying on the floor. when i was much younger, i used
to pick the flowers in her yard, && then she would put them in a
glass vase. then i would take washcloths from the cabinets, make
little beds out of them, && tuck in my stuffed animals. she
would always laugh while i played && did silly, childish things.
i won't ever forget those moments, but thinking of them makes me
break down && cry, i simply can't help it. my grandfather [my
dad's father] died right before i was born from cancer, because
he smoked. my dad always told me how sad he was when he learned
that he wouldn't live to see me born. he was only about 50 years
old, which is pretty young to die. when i learned this, i
promised never to smoke, or even breathe it in. i wish that i
could have met him, which is why i am envious of my older
brother. my brother was a toddler when he died, about two or
three years old, && he actually remembers him. i look at all of
the pictures of my grandpa holding my brother, both of them
smiling && laughing, && i feel so jealous of my brother, but not
an angry kind of jealous.
there's this girl at school who picks on me every single day.
she looks a lot like me, except she's much paler, with blonde
hair && blue eyes. she always laughs if i screw up, && makes
comments on my best friend, who is bi-polar, dyslexic, && has
adhd && add. my friend's mom died on december 3, 2012, over a
month ago, && kids actually make rude comments on her because of
how her mom died! it makes me so angry when that happens to her,
because i hate seeing my best friend get put down. i recently
dyed my hair dark reddish-brown, && now everyone thinks that i'm
"emo" && want to change everything about myself. they say things
like, "i bet she'll get plastic surgery on her nose!" everyone
used to know that i loved warrior cats, so i was made fun of for
three years just because of something i liked. i've only told
one friend about the site, one friend i can trust. so i hid my
love for warrior cats, && ended up finding wcrpg. i just don't
know how to handle the depression, the fear, && the bullying at
school. it felt good to just let this out, since i have been
keeping all of this locked up for several weeks.[/font]
#Post#: 1852--------------------------------------------------
Re: ...
By: dew Date: January 17, 2013, 9:58 pm
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[center][font=georgia]reb. don't you ever dare freaking give
up.[/font][/center]
#Post#: 1854--------------------------------------------------
Re: ...
By: Rebelia. Date: January 17, 2013, 10:24 pm
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[center][font=georgia]give up?[/font][/center]
#Post#: 1855--------------------------------------------------
Re: ...
By: dew Date: January 17, 2013, 10:37 pm
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[center][font=georgia]don't give up on anything whether it be
making a friend or praying to god for your grandma. reb, you are
the most amazing, wonderful, bouncy, cute girl i've ever had as
a friend, and i don't want you to start dying on the inside like
i am if something happens. i'm praying for you and your grandma,
even if y'all aren't christians.[/font][/center]
#Post#: 1857--------------------------------------------------
Re: ...
By: Rebelia. Date: January 17, 2013, 10:51 pm
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[font=georgia][is a christian]
thank you dew. i'm so afraid that she'll fade away from my
memory if she passes away. i don't want to not be able to
remember her exact eye color, && her exact personality. i will
cling to every memory i have with her, to every picture of her,
&& every gift from her. she matters to me too much, like my
dad's mom, of course who was my grandma. it's just so hard to
have hope that she'll be okay, because i know one day that she's
not going to be okay.[/font]
#Post#: 1872--------------------------------------------------
Re: ...
By: Flameflare Date: January 18, 2013, 4:19 pm
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Aw, its sad you 'nanna' or 'grandma' has cancer :(
By Popa died 3 months ago from cancer; the thing we did with him
and he enjoyed the most was to forget about the cancer. I told
him about my boyfriend and the new kitten we got which i called
Simba. We laughed and had a good time.
Sure cancer is unpredictable, and you can't tell how bad it
really is, but enjoy their company non the less, have fun and
laugh. They really love that, pretend like they havent got it;
pretend like life is a its best point and your spending it with
them. I bet your grandma would love a phone call. . . :)
I think it's sad when older people get cancer, but i like to
keep this in mind
They have lived their life, and lived how they wanted to, they
have done everything they wanted and seen the amazing things of
the world. They held their grand-children and watched them grow.
They love life, and they have truly lived. They face another
battle, but thats just life, think of all the things that they
have done in the past. they have done EVERYTHING they have ever
wanted to do. So its not a sad time, its a happy time, a time to
think back and laugh at the memories you have had together,
smile and remember who was the one to do the silly things. DON'T
ever think of the sad times because there is no such thing as a
sad time its always a happy time :) we just have to see the
happy memories and it will and can only get better <3
#Post#: 1876--------------------------------------------------
Re: ...
By: dew Date: January 18, 2013, 4:35 pm
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[center][font=georgia]exactly =3
your grandma, if she does pass away, will get to meet christ and
she'll be in what the Bible called Paradise for a while. she'll
want to remember you smiling and loving her for the rest of the
time she's with you.[/font][/center]
#Post#: 1884--------------------------------------------------
Re: ...
By: Truffula Date: January 18, 2013, 6:30 pm
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Aw, Rebs. <\3
Cancer has been a huge thing in my family- Two of my
grandparents died from it, one of my aunt's died, too, and three
others are survivors. As much as I miss those in my family who
passed, I managed to get over it. If your grandma doesn't make
it, remember that she's going to a better place.
Your grandma is in my prayers- Stay strong.
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