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       #Post#: 360--------------------------------------------------
       Dealing with social anxiety?
       By: notme Date: April 23, 2013, 11:16 pm
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       I've recently noticed how bad my social anxiety has gotten, i
       have a hard time talking with strangers or people i don't know
       very well, i can't initiate conversations, and i can't
       perform(on stage) in front of people anymore. When i do i my
       chest gets tight, my words don't come out in the order i want
       them to and i feel like i might barf. I think my mom is trying
       to find me a therapist, but until then does anyone have any
       advice on how i can stop being afraid of people?
       #Post#: 361--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Dealing with social anxiety?
       By: A Sexy Tree Date: April 23, 2013, 11:26 pm
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       That's a good question, and unfortunately, I don't know anything
       off the top of my head.
       Social anxiety is different for everyone, to some extent, and
       the ways that people deal with it are even more diverse. Some
       people just need to talk it out with someone on a regular basis,
       like a therapist or, if that's not possible, a close friend.
       Some people need to learn how to take a couple deep breaths
       before they do something, or just push the feeling away.
       I, personally, actually take medicine for stress, because I have
       a tendency to get stressed out very easily - especially in
       social situations. However, the medicine I take isn't my main
       way of relieving anxiety and the like. I actually channel all my
       anxiety into my martial arts and my running. The more exercise I
       do, the happier and less stressed I am, period. So when I'm
       really freaking out, I step away, go for a run or practice
       martial arts or do something exercise, and I normally feel a lot
       better afterward. Obviously, in the middle of a conversation,
       you can't just go for a run or something to calm down. But if I
       do exercise regularly, every day if possible, I feel a lot
       better. You can tell when I haven't done enough exercise because
       I'm really irritable and just generally unhappy.
       Now, obviously, what I do doesn't work for everyone. In fact,
       some people wouldn't find exercise helpful in the slightest, and
       it might even aggravate them if they're the sort of
       'take-a-deep-breath' person. So it's really a personal thing. I
       guess that's the moral of the story.
       Sorry my perspective on this isn't more helpful. Hopefully,
       someone else here has some better ideas, haha.
       #Post#: 362--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Dealing with social anxiety?
       By: Red Date: April 24, 2013, 1:24 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Much like Tree said, I think the point is to find something
       you're either passionate about or simply distracting from
       feeling bad. Draw or read a book or sing when nobody's home type
       of thing. Idk, that's one way to go about it. Additionally,
       exercise naturally releases endorphins and makes you feel better
       over all, and that's just what science has to say.
       Apart from that though, as a performer and someone who will
       probably dedicate their life to the entertainment industry, I
       have to deal with crowds and people every day. There's a couple
       factors that helped facilitate easing me into these type of
       experiences, but before I delve into that, I also want to say
       that I have a small social anxiety when dealing with 13-year-old
       males, like I honestly feel like they're going to make fun of me
       or something and I have no clue why. Anyhow, I guess the point
       of saying that was to say that you're not alone.
       My advice would be to ease yourself into situations where you
       have to deal with people. The more you're out and around people,
       and the more you engage in conversation with them, the more
       familiar you get with "strangers" I'd imagine. Maybe try
       ordering food during a lunch rush where you only have to talk to
       one person and say like, three words, but you have people all
       around you. On top of that, you get something really important,
       and that's positive reinforcement. If you reward yourself after
       you have a good mass social experience, your mind might begin to
       associate those situations with good things.
       Also, I can't guarantee that any of these things will work, but
       if they seems like good steps to take, maybe give them a shot.
       I'm only writing off the top of my head and I'm not an expert in
       any way, but if you try it and it works, cool.
       Getting out consistently to do some mundane tasks around people
       gets you some really good practice in talking and on top of
       that, you get things done, like errands or something. Just
       remember that as you do these things, you have to make sure you
       think positive thoughts. That another thing, when I began
       performing on stage and stuff, I'll admit that I was young and
       fairly naive, so I didn't really care about people's opinions or
       anything, and doing that over and over has gotten me more
       comfortable with performance. That's not to say that I don't get
       nervous or anything, my voice almost always shakes and I can bet
       on me messing up the first couple times of performing something,
       but it helps when I think about good things. It also helps to
       have people around you before the show to loosen you up. I
       recommend not talking about actually performing before you go
       out on stage, but to talk about something completely unrelated.
       My favorite small talk topic is food, so normally I'll ask
       people if they've eaten anything exceptional lately. If not,
       maybe ask them their favorite food or something. The good thing
       about this is that just about everyone eats, and on top of that,
       if you get a foodie on your hands, you can go on for minutes
       before you realize that you have to perform or something. If you
       start conversation with a performer who's willing to chat for a
       bit before going on, they'd probably appreciate it to, because
       I'd bet you $10 that they're also nervous.
       For musicians, during a performance or when playing with others,
       eye contact with the other musicians is vital, not just to keep
       on rhythm, but also to communicate when transitions need to
       happen within the song. I don't know how much this can be
       applied to musical theater or traditional choral music, but I
       know that this applies to orchestras as well. The first stands
       should always be looking around at the other musicians - not at
       their sheet music, even though that it's really scary not to if
       you're not well practiced in a piece. The more you're passionate
       about practicing though, the better and better you'll be on
       stage, in theory, but there's more that you can do to feel more
       comfortable. When you're practicing alone, mess up the song as
       much as possible, just go flat out crazy with it. Sing
       everything wrong, or up one step or something, or sing harmonies
       instead of your melody or something. The more comfortable you
       get with the song, even if it's a terrible song, the better
       you'll feel about performing it. Also remember that's it's okay
       to mess up on stage, and people even restart songs or certain
       events if they mess up. This I wouldn't really recommend, but
       part of performing is learning how to continue after you've made
       a mistake. The audience usually understands, because let's face
       it, even if you hold yourself to professional standards, that
       does not mean that the audience members are, and they probably
       even expect you to miss a note or two or whatever. I usually do
       expect people to, even professionals. Nobody's perfect, and
       there's never really a perfect show, so there's nothing to worry
       about. Just keep in mind that the audience wants you to succeed
       and feel good about yourself, and there really isn't any
       malicious people you there trying to get you or something. Yeah,
       singing and art is a manner of expression, and obviously it's
       scary to let your thoughts run rampant when there's so many ears
       for them to fall on, but the point of being human is to mess up
       and be ugly and make people cringe and cry - but the likelihood
       of that actually happening isn't very good. Stretch out before
       hand and just try to become as comfortable as possible, even if
       it makes you look weird or act weird. If people laugh at you for
       stretching funny, it might loosen them up before a performance
       as well.
       To ease yourself into bigger performance environments and
       venues, you can start out by going to empty stages or
       amphitheaters and getting permission to go on stage and dance
       around or something. Go on with friends or by yourself and
       practice your parts or learn skits and act them out with people
       you know without even having an audience. Not only is this
       downright enjoyable for anyone, but if you do attract a crowd,
       it's easier to deal with when you're already on stage and doing
       things. Some places where you can do this off the top of my head
       are Harry Griffith Park in Fletcher Hills/El Cajon and Mission
       Trail's Visitor Center Amphitheater. These are both outdoor
       venues with an average traffic flow of about 5 people every 30
       minutes or so on any normal day. I'm not entirely positive about
       the means of permission needed, but if you wanna give it a shot,
       do it until they ask why you're there and then you'll know XD.
       The next step up would be to perform at open mic nights. Cosmos
       is a recently growing open mic that's kept pretty informal.
       Tuesday nights at 6 or 7 in La Mesa Village, they're a little
       coffee house that seats about 25 people and stands another 10
       probably, but there's rarely a crowd of 35 i think. I've
       performed at Cosmos before and it's really fun. Since they've
       been getting a little bit more a turnout, they limit everyone to
       a 1 song/5 minute set or whichever comes first. I'd be more
       hesitant about Lestat's open mic because it's a little bigger
       and there's abound to be a lot of competition. Monday nights, I
       believe, is when they have it. Also, before you perform at any
       venue, make sure you attend a performance there first and get a
       chance to talk with the performers. This helps get you
       acquainted with how to get a spot, if there's a cost or waiting
       list or something, and who to speak with to get on it.  Next,
       maybe try getting permission to sing for an hour at a mall with
       some friends or something. With higher traffic, people will be
       moving around a lot and probably won't stay for very long.
       They'll also be less afraid of you if it's obvious you're not
       asking for tips, but if you are and you're allowed to, there's
       absolutely nothing wrong with it. What matters is that you got
       out and did something in the first place, not whether you messed
       up or generated only a little bit of tips. The more you do these
       things and the higher the concentration of them in a certain
       time period, the more and more comfortable you'll get with
       situations like this, I think. It takes time, but being able to
       go up in front of a crowd is a truly valuable skill to have. Not
       everyone can do it, and that's mainly why people are so afraid
       of it, because not everyone does it, but that's also what makes
       it amazing.
       If you want to get better at conversation and public speaking,
       join a Toastmaster's Gavel club. Normal Toastmaster groups only
       accept people who are over 18, I think, but gavel clubs often
       have a lower age limit and are significantly less formal. They
       can also be formulated around certain communities for people
       with similar interests. I actually want to make a thread about
       it, it's really awesome, and I completed their most basic
       curriculum over the course of a few years while I was
       homeschooled. Basically what it is, is a group that meets on an
       occasion, once a week, let's say, and they conduct a formal
       meeting, with a written agenda and everything. From my
       experience, there were very strict timing rules about what part
       of the meeting the members should be concerned about, and it
       stresses keeping things organized and running smoothly. There's
       a club hierarchy with a President, Vice Prez, uhhhhh, i forgot
       the middle one, and a Sergent at Arms. Other club duties are
       passed around from person to person every meeting or so, with
       them being scheduled during the previous meeting. Other club
       duties include the Timer, Ah Counter, and Table Topics. The
       timer times people and holds up flags of varying colors to let
       people know how long they should speak for, the Ah Counter
       counts various stutters and mistakes that people make whenever
       they speak throughout the meeting. The object is to have none,
       but this is very hard to do, as they count all "ah", "um",
       "like", "uh", and "you know" that people make, that aren't an
       official part of speech. Table topics are random questions
       dealing with the theme of the meeting, which can be anything,
       that are asked to literally anyone in the audience. There's also
       someone who brings a "word of the day" things that all speakers
       must attempt to incorporate. The point of the club is to perform
       ten speeches which are in the basic curriculum. Each speech has
       a certain goal or thing to stress when giving it, but the topics
       can be anything you like. They're usually about 5-7 minutes in
       length, and are timed. In order to successfully complete the
       speech, you must speak and end smoothly within 30 seconds of the
       time limit and have completed the goal of the speech. That's
       about it. After that, you are evaluated by someone who's job it
       is to do that, normally a previously scheduled club member.
       Enough rambling about that, I can say that it definitely helped
       me, and I was pretty shy and didn't want to do it at all when I
       started out, but the club was definitely worth going to.
       Also, last but not least, my secret tip! Stress making eye
       contact with everyone when in a conversation with them. When
       meeting people on the street, or making eye contact with a
       stranger or otherwise having some sort of interaction with
       anyone, smile and wave if it's appropriate. Normally a smile
       isn't very hard to muster and also has a ripple effect.
       Sometimes I'll get a smile from someone that I never even knew I
       needed, and all of a sudden, my day is fantastic.
       Anyhow, If you're interested and I didn't type your ear off, I
       hope this gave you some ideas.
       Here's the Toastmaster's website if you want more info:
  HTML http://www.toastmasters.org/
       And here's TED, where people come together from around the world
       to give speeches about anything and everything. Musicians and
       stuff come and play too. If you watch and want to go to a
       conference, hit me up, because I wanna go so badly!
  HTML http://www.ted.com/
       #Post#: 363--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Dealing with social anxiety?
       By: MisterCuttlefish Date: April 24, 2013, 10:01 am
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       Whoa, I can't read all of this.
       Here's a list (most of it is practice):
       -I say "Good Morning" to strangers, bus drivers and friends of
       friends. ("Thank you." as well haha)
       -I wiggle my fingers and my toes just before I talk to someone.
       I do this because when I'm lying in bed and can't fall asleep, I
       tend to get really bad daydreams, moving helps. Its almost a
       safety blanket for me, it cuts down my fears. ("Wiggle your
       fingers, wiggle your toes- away, away the monsters go.")
       -I imagine I'm talking to a stuffed animal, inanimate objects
       are easy to talk to. (Kind of like the underwear thing, but
       instead of being human and awkwardly half nakked they are a
       super cute stuffed bear)
       -I practice smiling in a mirror (I'm strange whoops)
       I dunno, sometimes exercise works to help my stress, but if
       we're talking about communications this is what I do.
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