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#Post#: 325--------------------------------------------------
How To: Sound Like A Smart Even When You're A Dumb
DIR By: A Sexy Tree
Date: April 16, 2013, 1:23 pm
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From the masters of sounding like a smart even when you're a
dumb, how-not-to-sound-dumb inc.
Sounding like a smart, even and especially when you're a dumb,
is a challenging thing to most people. It is a daunting task,
and there are many common mistakes that make
not-so-smart-people-trying-to-sound-smart sound.... well, not so
smart. So, first of all, let me explain to you what NOT to do
when trying to sound smart.
THE DO NOT'S
- Do not sporadically use verbose and bombastic words in a
vehement attempt to insinuate astuteness. No really. Don't.
There's a high probability that you'll use a word that's almost,
but not quite, entirely unlike tea the word you're really trying
to use. For example, using inept instead of adept. They both
sound very similar, and both have to do with intelligence in a
way, but one means 'incapable/stupid' and the other means
'capable/smart'. There is also a high probability that you'll
use a synonym for a word that sounds smarter, but actually has a
slightly different connotation. For example, using adept instead
of smart. This isn't a perfect example, but there is a
difference between the two words. Adept and smart are not the
same, because (and I speak from personal experience here) being
smart does not necessarily make you adept at something. In fact,
you can be a genius and still be incapable of being, for
example, socially adept. Lastly, if you seldom use large words,
throwing in a prodigious one out of nowhere seems really out of
place.
-Do not attempt to talk about things that you don't have any
knowledge about. No really. Don't. If someone is talking about
the magnetic flux of a bar moving through a field with strength
B and cross sectional area A, and you have no idea what magnetic
flux is, it's really just a bad idea to try and join the
conversation. In all likelihood, you'll attempt to say something
like 'Oh yes, magnetic flux, haha.' and then suddenly the
conversation will be focused on you and your knowledge of the
topic at hand. Unfortunately for you, you have no knowledge, and
then you'll look like a dumb.
-On that note, do not draw unnecessary attention to yourself
when you don't know what's happening. If you overhear something
in a conversation, you have a high chance of taking it out of
context and sounding like a dumb when you point it out. If you
are in class and the student next to you asks a question that
you don't know the answer to, don't try and answer it. If
someone is looking for answers, do not stare straight at them as
though you're expecting them to call on you, but don't look at
the ground and fidget because then it's clear you have no idea
what you're doing.
-Do not ever mention your level of smartness, or the level of
smartness of those around you, under any circumstance. No
really. Don't. Only dumb people need to make themselves feel
better about their level of smartness. Smart people either
already know they're smart and don't want to make a big deal
about it, or they're smart but inept. (see bullet one)
-Do not have an ego. Especially if you are only masquerading as
a smart. Be able to laugh of your mistakes, as though they were
intentional, and do not get defensive if you have the wrong
answer or said something dumb. It will, as you probably guessed,
make you sound like a dumb.
Sounding like a smart as a dumb certainly has a lot of pitfalls
and things to avoid. I'm sure that if you all sat down, you
could together add a thousand more things not to do when
attempting to not be a dumb.
However, not all hope is lost. There are also things that you
can do to increase your exterior smartness and generally sound
less like a dumb!
THE DO'S
-Do build credibility. If you happen to know the answer to
something, or have a good, well thought out solution, make it
clear. Do not make it clear in an obnoxious, know it all way,
and do not try and embellish it. But if you refrain from making
dumb comments and only try to answer something when you have a
firm grasp of the situation, you will in all likelihood say the
right thing, and people will begin to associate 'being right'
and 'you'.
-This is a riskier tip, but for the more advanced in being like
a smart, do be sarcastic. Not sporadically, but periodically, be
intentionally and obviously sarcastic. This way, people will
begin to associate 'sarcasm' and 'you'. If possible, ridicule
answers (NOT other peoples answers, but possible options no one
has mentioned that are dumb). That way, if you ever say
something really dumb, you can pass it off as sarcasm and no one
will be surprised that you're being sarcastic. This is only good
as a safety net once or twice per long time period, however, so
don't use this all the time. Then people will start knowing the
difference between when you're being sarcastic, and when you're
being a dumb.
-Do avoid situations that you know you are not good with. For
example, if you're horrid at physics, skip physics class so that
there is no chance of you answering incorrectly! For example, if
everyone is going to a hip party, and you're socially inept,
avoid the party if at all possible. If impossible to avoid, be a
sudden recluse who stands in the corner and says nothing the
entire time.
There are many other ways to avoid sounding like a dumb even
when you are, but after many trials and tribulations, these
three have been proven to be most effective by smart sounding
scientist. (disclaimer: though the scientists sound smart, we at
how-not-to-sound-dumb inc are not yet sure if they are actually
smart, because they've used our techniques very efficiently and
therefore never sound like dumb's.)
Thank you very much for taking the time to rid the world of
external dumbness, and how-not-to-sound-dumb inc hopes you will
continue to use our products as they come out.
Amen.
#Post#: 328--------------------------------------------------
Re: How To: Sound Like A Smart Even When You're A Dumb
DIR By: Red
Date: April 16, 2013, 2:43 pm
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beautiful!
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