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#Post#: 1058--------------------------------------------------
On finding passion
By: Red Date: August 19, 2013, 3:27 pm
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Ever since, like, third grade, I've been very apathetic and
undriven to actually try and make any special effort for
academic success. It became very insignificant to me to jump
through hoops, and more and more I've been drawn to the idea of
simply abandoning society. I've tried to be more upbeat and
continuously tell myself that I could hold a job in a normal
market to give myself a placebo, but I've recently undermined
that idea. I realize that I don't actually want to do anything.
There's nothing I feel that I'm especially passionate about. I
get bored of things fairly easily, and because of this I've had
many hobbies growing up, many of which were admittedly empty
investments for my parents and I. I enjoy being obsessed with
things, and there's nothing I'm obsessed with that would make me
a significant amount of money. No amount of self-brainwashing
and telling myself that "this is what I want" seems to give me
any motivation to actually DO the things that are a minor
enjoyment that could have some monetary reward or career
opportunities for a long enough time to make any development.
Seriously, the only thing I really want to do is nothing. Doing
nothing is just something I do best, but obviously nothing won't
get me paid, and nothing is quite boring, so it's not all that
enjoyable in the first place, but at least it's not something. I
have so many things I could embark on a business venture with
right now and make what I would think are potential millions,
but the problem is choosing. The lifestyles I want to lead are
so cut up between all of these things, and I don't have the time
to simply do all of them, I'd die by then. I've been trying to
meditate on simplifying and making the choice clearer, but
nothing seems to be helping, and the time I spend meditating, I
could spend getting started on one of these projects.
Nonetheless, a week into one or the other, I promise you, I will
be burnt out and bored and back to square one and everything
would lose its worth.
My ultimate goal, no matter what I do, is live in a cabin in the
woods. Strange? Maybe, but it's simple and I feel like it'd be
life further away from people that will finally give me time to
sort out some things with myself and have an environment where I
really can express myself fully, and not be pent up in some
suburb somewhere. So far, my path to reaching that goal,
although blurred and distorted significantly, is something like
playing music for a living and doing other things like vlogging
or computer repair crap on the side, some things that I'm
confident I can do. This moves me to say that I should start
practicing music every day and I should start blah ble blah blah
bleh blah and stuff. There's always more hardware I need that I
don't have the money for and there's never enough people with
the skill level or drive I need to actually start a band or
something. Not to mention, as soon as I pick up a guitar or
something to dedicate thirty minutes to an hour on it, I play a
few riffs over and over or do some exercises and then stop, half
disgusted and half bored out of my wits. This can also translate
to vlogging and my computer repairs as well, although with the
repairs, I'm slightly more shiny to. I like getting into things
like electronic devices and figuring out what makes them tick,
then making them stop ticking, then making them start ticking
again, but do to my disinclination to capitalism, charging money
for it seems like a sin. Also, it's hard for me to count that as
a skill, since it's so damn easy that a child with google can do
it, which is what I am, basically. I should also note that
although I'm confident in my vlogging ability and somewhat
confident in my editing skills, my comfortability in front of
the camera isn't something I'd brag about, not to mention,
vlogging is a very difficult medium to build an audience for
without some sort of reason to post at least a video a week.
I have other ideas in addition to this that are more along the
lines of entrepreneurship with original ideas, but I don't have
the social skills to sell the products, nor the knowledge to
produce a prototype, nor the funds, but I definitely have the
ability to build them.
Anyhow, it all seems like a jumble to me. If only I could clone
myself...
#Post#: 1059--------------------------------------------------
Re: On finding passion
By: MisterCuttlefish Date: August 19, 2013, 4:58 pm
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I just kind of want to acknowlege your post, as I've felt the
same way about things before.
I guess the only way around a problem like this is to jump into
something and then save the rest for later? But its always
harder with long-term goals and you end up thinking "What if I
had done-", and that's what probably gets you (cause that's what
gets me and I'm just talking from personal experience).
I like how you've set that living in a cabin in the woods is
your "ultimate goal". My ultimate goal would be to live in
solitude as well, though in a different way than you as mine
involves the paranormal and most always aliens, possibly area 51
and of course the bermuda triangle. At the end of my life, I
expect to be killed by something that's always hunted me but you
probably don't.
I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore. I wanted to
be a language teacher, but I didn't want to give up art. Then I
wanted to be an art teacher, but I wanted to freelance and being
an art teacher by day and a CSI detective at night wasn't really
possible? And there's always been the faint lust to become a
writer... So I've come to realize that, though people have
careers, they still have things they do on the side. No one's
2D? Idk what im saying okily dokily-
My dad went into college knowing he wanted to be in
showbusiness, work with actors, behind the scenes, etc; and then
he got a job at DirecTV and started their first call center and
decided to go an entirely other way and all this other wonderful
crap, ends up running his own business and being a consultant
and doesn't do anything with showbiz anymore. He doesn't even
watch TV all that often. He watches football and politics and
then goes to meetings for the school board. Maybe this isn't
helping.
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that you aren't supposed
to live to regret, you're supposed to live to discover. but ---
HTML http://holysmokesbatman.com/tracks/holy-cliche.html
So yeah, I'm going to tell you the same thing every single adult
you know already has: You should go to college. I mean, if you
want to? Advice????
Maybe this topic was rhetorical?????/??
#Post#: 1064--------------------------------------------------
Re: On finding passion
By: Red Date: August 20, 2013, 11:47 am
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Seriously any reply helps hahha. I'm not really all that down
with the whole college route because 1) I don't have an academic
goal I feel would be worth working towards, 2) finances, and 3)
even if I had an academic goal, a piece of paper isn't really
going to do much. It's like how now that I've graduated high
school, I don't feel any different or any more prepared. If
anything, I feel less prepared now, like I wasted all my time in
high school instead of trying to devote time to learning things
that could actually set me up for a career. It's my opinion that
all a bachelor's degree shows is that you're willing to waste
years of your life so that people can "respect" you. It's pretty
dull and lame. I don't feel like I need a nod of someone's head
towards my academic standing to feel whole, ya know? I'd only go
to college to simply learn skills that I didn't have time to
learn during high school because I didn't have enough time to
work AND get bad grades. And either way, I'd still have to
choose a career path in the end.
No disrespect to the people who want to go school. You do that,
if that's really going to get you where you need to be and
you'll be empowered by it.
As long as you're living a fulfilling life, you're probably
doing fine and won't have much of a reason to ask "what if that
happened," or "what if I chose this path instead," because
you'll be too distracted being a useful piece in a puzzle, but
now the question comes to light at the moment, what puzzle do we
want to be a part of? The quality of life we feel will vary
greatly, and suddenly we have to choose, yeah? We're adults now,
and I can't even figure out how to file taxes or anything. If
the school system is at least supposed to get us excited about
starting off on an amazing adventure in american economics and
politics, then they're doing a crap job hahaha.
#Post#: 1072--------------------------------------------------
Re: On finding passion
By: MisterCuttlefish Date: August 23, 2013, 5:13 am
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Pardon me right now, I'm half awake at three in the morning and
want to reply. (stoned at 3am and talking to myself in public i
think i really hit a low dont you think so you never leave the
house you never leave the house come out does that make me crazy
oh no)
The only reason I recommend college is that you can't really do
anything without a diploma now, especially with the economy
being the way it is at the moment. It is just a stupid piece of
paper and its kind of meaningless but its not really for the
meaning that you're getting it. All it signifies is a stepping
stone to starting your own business or doing whatever the living
fuck you want to do with your life. If that means nothing to
people around you, fuck 'em. You got something and decide not to
use it cause that's your choice.
idfk, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, like.
Ever. Its just sometimes easier to follow the system? Er, not
what I'm really trying to say but it's a good start. You have to
give in before you can fight back, like looking at the bigger
picture.
It could be so that you learn skills that you go to college, but
you could practice guitar and then just go to a private teacher
for "skills". Sorry to say, its the label that you want when you
go to college. Graduating from college or even ANY KIND of
college education is better than none, its just how people
figure you're better than others like you.
Then again, there is a way that not going to college could work
out career-wise.
My dad told me about his father, my grandfather, who used to
work with equipment. But to get the equipment from place to
place, he needed cars. The problem was, he couldn't spend any
money on cars because that would be a loss on his part and the
looming possibility of going into debt and having like six kids
and debt just did not mix. So he used to bring the cars that
were broken down to this guy out in the sticks where the guy
would fix them up for record low fees. And my grandfather would
get made fun of by my dad's uncles and cousins but his dad would
keep going back to the guy. He wasn't embarrassed about it cause
it was MAKING him money.
I know a guy now that works with my dad's computers and the
reason he told me about my grandfather was because he felt it
was the exact same way now with him and the computer guy. Its
cheap for my dad, but that's because he's on good terms with the
dude (it was only six bucks to fix our computer when normally it
would have been 80?). He works up in uh, where all the military
guys live, around all the big corps and the cemetery for vets
and all that sweet stuff. He gets hired for the corporations
because he saves them money and still gets good pay because
there's no middle man.
I wonder if that's what you were thinking? Working freelance?
It could be with anything, I think you would do well like that.
And it kind of fits your style, too.
You can always ask your parents about the hard stuff like taxes.
I did.
I know how insurance works now cause I worked at that office
doing files and paperwork.
I'm never going to buy insurance.
Its a scam, don't trust it.
Be polite.
Be efficient.
Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
#Post#: 1074--------------------------------------------------
Re: On finding passion
By: Captain Castaway Date: August 23, 2013, 5:09 pm
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I'd just like to throw in my thoughts on school and college:
It's not necessarily there to see how well you fit with the
system, even though that's what you're graded on; I always see
it as the opportunity to find out what you actually do enjoy,
and to get further learning in that area. I learned I really
loved to write in school, and I got significantly better with
help of teachers and others who share the same passion. It's the
same with college; you don't have to necessarily go in knowing
exactly what you want to learn about. That's why they have
'undeclared' as an option. Or, you can always change what you
want to learn about if that thing isn't working.
Just some thoughts from over here. :3
#Post#: 1077--------------------------------------------------
Re: On finding passion
By: Red Date: August 26, 2013, 3:20 pm
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I agree with viewing college as a learning institution, but with
most of them being for-profit, it kinda kills the experience. I
am not going to pay $40k to learn what I could learn on the
internet or in a $100 textbook. I've read somewhere that the
only logical reason (besides the observed career benefits)
anyone would want to go to college is that they have curriculum,
but you could get that same information from simply calling one
of the professors and asking what they're covering for the
semester, or even going in a picking up a copy of the syllabus
for free.*
*sometimes
Since there's been a progression of time since my last couple
posts on here, my position has changed slightly. I think I want
to go into music more than anything at the moment. I feel like
I'm and a very low level relatively and don't really have the
funds for a music teacher or instructor, but on the off chance
my parents think it's a good idea for me to take music classes
at Grossmont or something, I might get off easy with most of the
fees. But regardless of that, classes have already started, so
I'd have to wait for spring semester. Additionally, my parents
would rather have me take 12 units and go full time w/ gen ed,
but at the same time they're trying to charge me rent and stuff
and I'm not taking general ed, so that's probably not going to
happen.
My main reason for going into music is that it's not boring and
it will somewhat force me to go out and meet people, which is
actually something I hate, but maybe if I become reclusive in
public and mostly represent myself of the internet I can operate
from the shadows, yeah? That was my plan all along anyway. The
only problem is that I'm terrible at songwriting, and that's
kinda the strength I need to be successful without being able to
reliably read sheet music. I feel kinda screwed, but in the
event that I get invited to play guitar or something in some
post-hardcore band (probably the best thing that can happen to
me at the moment, but also the least likely thing to happen) I
feel like I could make it work.
Man, the more and more I think about these things though and get
into the logistics, the less and less it holds my attention. I
get like this ache in my heart of not-want. Maybe I'm just
psyching myself out. Who knows.
#Post#: 1078--------------------------------------------------
Re: On finding passion
By: Captain Castaway Date: August 26, 2013, 5:27 pm
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........................
*actually occasionally writes songs*
*haven't done so in a while but the possibility is there*
*just saiyan*
#Post#: 1079--------------------------------------------------
Re: On finding passion
By: Red Date: August 26, 2013, 6:18 pm
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I think most creators have this bias toward their artwork after
a certain point where they think/know that they can do better,
or that their product doesn't seem to match up with soandso's
simply because there doesn't seem to be the finesse of soandso's
style and yada yada. It's easy for people to think like this
because they know what they enjoy. If I turn on a song of PtV,
I'll immediately be in the groove of it, but when I hear a
recording of myself singing an original I wanna burn it
(although I don't, so then I can know what I'm doing wrong). I'm
also pretty unwise in my assumptions though, unfortunately. I
don't give out the effort to try because I'm afraid of having to
come to terms with me being bad, but I don't know how much "bad"
I actually am vs. how much I just wish I was at a certain level.
I can improvise on piano like a madman and I'm proud of that,
but I don't get paid cash money for it, so in terms of choosing
a career path, improv is almost out the window. It's my sight
reading that needs work and what I want to work on, but finding
motivation is hard. It helps to have guidance though, to make
one not feel so lost in the material.
That last sentence wasn't supposed to be that deep.
Ahahaha, I also mentioned a long time ago to a friend of mine
that I wanted to get paid to think, like, just to be a
philosopher. Now, obviously, if people could get paid to think,
we'd have tons of people simply sitting at home all day writing
down lengthy posts and throwing them on the internet for others
to read and flame.
(I have no desire to become a blogger, mind you.)
I read an article today about how in order to be like the people
you look up to, one must emulate that person's lifestyle leading
up to their success. This has been an inspiring revelation, but
if I wanted to be like, say, Vic Fuentes, I'd probably have to
go to a lot more shows and start playing a lot more guitar and
start networking with tonnes of people. Not that that's a bad
thing, it's just a big leap. So here we have where things like
"baby steps" come in that I've been trying to implement for
ages. I want to get better at something or get in the habit of
something so I need to start doing just a little bit of it every
day. The only downside to this is that progress is slow and
rewards are few and far between. Ultimately, applying baby steps
to my life would probably make my end result just as not-fun and
exciting as the life I'm leading now. Alternatively, diving in
and doing everything at once can not only burn me out, but first
let's factor in where I'm even going to get the time or energy
to do some of these things all day every day? Also, my social
life would be dead and it would leave no time for me to pursue
other goals and hobbies.
But then I tell myself that I should stop complaining and just
get going, so I guess baby steps for now...
#Post#: 1100--------------------------------------------------
Re: On finding passion
By: Red Date: August 31, 2013, 3:11 am
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I've been reading a TON of articles about following an art based
passion and just getting going in general. There's a lot to be
said about taking the first step.
Do what you love, and love what you do.
I think we've all heard this at one point in time or another.
It's also commonly said that if you do what you love, you'll
never work a day in your life. Now while the latter might not
necessarily be true, it's a good perspective to have
nonetheless. So if any of you are trying to find something they
need to commit a lot of time to career wise, just find what you
enjoy and get creative with how you can make money with it. A
lot of times, you can convince people to buy merch for an act or
something, or pay at the door or the like, or maybe you can find
a way to make it make money on the internet. Just find a way to
make it pay you. I struggle a lot with this because I really
enjoy playing music for other people. It brings me great
happiness and joy just to know that people are listening at all
and it only makes me want to play more and that's enough of a
payment for me, but unfortunately i like living too, so finding
a way to make music make money for me when it feels unethical is
a tad weird. Nonetheless, if people were inspired enough to wear
my name on their chest then maybe I'd have a chance, but
something tells me I'm not all that good yet.
Some people aren't meant to focus on one thing for the rest of
their life.
Take a deep breath and then let out the loudest sigh you can,
because that's exactly what I did when I read this. I was like,
whuuuut. Throughout the tumultuous early August I had with
trying to find some guidance, this had been in the back of my
mind the whole time and all I did was ignore it and say that it
couldn't possibly be true until I heard it from someone else's
mind. My whole perspective changed in one sentence. The only
hard part is finding out what to do first. I would highly
recommend choosing one and running with it. Put a lot of effort
into it and actively pursue it, then passively pursue everything
else. My struggle with this was with multiple things, but I'll
use music and art as an example. I really want to do music, but
I also really want to be able to draw good. The only reason I
chose music over art is because I'm already at a skill level in
it than I am with visual art, but meanwhile, I should keep
practicing art, so I should draw a little every day, but
practice guitar or piano a whole bunch, theoretically.
Baby Steps.
These are important. The human mind gets overwhelmed sooo damn
easily, it's a little pathetic, and there's very little we can
do about it. The hardest part of doing something is getting
motivated, and while it might seem best when we're excited to
jump right into Rachmaninoff, but this can hurt us and our whole
perspective. When we have a lot of energy about something, my
advice is to research that topic to the ends of the earth. Start
creating plans of action that you intend to follow to work up to
Rachmaninoff one day, or start developing your own practice
methods or start some really simple songs to get down
fundamentals, but the most important part of it all is that you
must take baby steps with your work. Sure, a 186 measure piece
is going to intimidate the hajeebus outa you, but as you run
through the piece, start breaking up the musical phrases and
practice the first phrase really slowly until you can either
play it up to tempo without any mistakes, or until you can play
it two times through perfectly at a slower tempo. Can't draw a
nose? Draw two really detailed noses every day from a reference.
"But Patrick," you say, "Why only two? I could easily do more
and keep high quality work on the plate." Well, firstly, it's
not going to matter so much about how focused you are on your
practice. What you should try to do first is establish a habit
of practicing. Think about it, if you found a way to practice
either by reflex or just because you're actually obsessed with
your topic of choice, you could have the whole path to improving
theoretically in the bag. To instill this reflex, we must have
this habit established, and we need to start with baby steps. If
we overwhelm ourselves with a really hard piece, we're going to
be walking around with "Piano is fricken hard!" and "Noses are
stupid to draw" and then we'll never want to get better at them.
The trick is to challenge yourself, where you find something
easy to start on and then move up a step off of your comfort
level. These steps can be hard to measure sometimes without
curriculum, which is why the research part of this is really
important. Also, be sure to find a way to reward yourself to
keep yourself somewhat motivated, but make sure your ultimate
goal is in mind and that the pure want of that is what keeps you
going. This is where your baby steps can really pay off. Once
you're done drawing two noses a day for a week, step it up to
four noses and a hand, and keep doing from there, until you're
drawing a full piece a week or until you feel confident enough
to take on more challenging and time consuming projects.
Practice, Practice, Practice makes perfect, practice every day.
And then sleep. Repetition is what helps our brains learn
things. These are probably the most empty words on the internet,
but go practice. You're not going to, though, are you? You know
you should be, you know you can be, but you're not, so what's
up? Well, as mentioned before, building the habit of practice
can help. Also, making your art or thing you want to get better
at a social thing can often help. Maybe draw with friends, or
challenge your friends to draw something. Having people to hold
you accountable or talk about your art with will subconsciously
give you a reason to do it. If the people you're with find it
fun and enjoy it, it will rub off on you. The hardest part is
chewing through the intimidation factor when there are people
who you know are better than you. Just take it slow, do your
thing, and ask a ton of questions. If you're having trouble
getting better, ask someone who's at a high skill level to
recommend something for you to practice on, and ask if they can
demonstrate it or something, then try it yourself. After you're
done, ask what you've done wrong or right and get their opinion.
That's what you'll want to be working on, and getting better at
that can make the person helping you very proud to have you
around. Also, I should note that there is actually a proper way
to practice something. All in all, do what you feel comfortable
doing, but they say for optimal retention of a certain skill or
piece of knowledge, one should concentrate on it for 20 minutes,
take a 5 minute break, then back for 20 minutes, then break for
5, then 20, then a 15 minute break, and then back on again,
repeating that pattern. It's also said that practice for 2 - 4
hours total will give you optimal results. After that, progress
drops off substantially. It's also VITALLY IMPORTANT TO SLEEP.
It may sound funny, but you actually will learn something better
if you sleep. If you believe in the 20 minute power nap, I'd be
curious to see what replacing the 15 minute break with a nap
might accomplish. Otherwise, just make sure you get plenty (at
least 8 hours) of sleep the night after a rigorous practice day.
Sleep lets our mind organize our thoughts and gives it time to
create nooks and crannies for the things left in our short term
memory that were learned that day. Also, on nights before tests
or performances, skip out on cramming through a textbook, do
some simple study if you really need to, but be sure to get that
sleep and eat a good breakfast. Compared to the person who
crammed, you'll probably perform at least 30% better.
Additionally, practice every day at the same time every day. If
you come home from work or school (and if you feel decent and
not utterly tired) try directing yourself immediately afterwards
to your art or what have you. Maybe do it after waking up or
dinner. Doing it after some significant event every day will
make it easier to do, and then suddenly, whenever you wake up or
walk in the door or eat a meal, you'll have an urge to practice
regardless of the time of day. Even if you don't have 4 hours to
devote to it today, starting with a 15 minute baby step is a
good foothold for a leap forward. The trick is to do it every
day, no matter how long.
Quantity over quality, then Quality over quantity.
Maybe this sounds a little backwards. All of my life I heard
quality practice will benefit you more than quantity, but I can
attest that it's the other way around. There was a quote going
around about a pottery class where half the class was instructed
to make 50 pots for the assignment. If the made 40, they'd get a
B, and 30, they'd get a C, and so on. The other half was told to
make just one pot to present, but it had to be perfect in all
aspects of theory and would be judged for a grade. The outcome
was that the latter group took so much time planning the pot and
working with it that most of them got poor points and showed
little actual improvement for making that particular kind of
pot, while the other half was able to make pots, notice fine
details about each one and realized how to improve their own
skills with each one they made. Regardless of their score on the
assignment, they turned out better pots than the other half of
the class. This can apply to learning to apply new theory and
technique in all other art forms too. After your baby steps have
started to mature, you should try to focus on practicing the
same piece or section over and over again, and allow yourself to
make mistakes, but don't stop if you make one, just keep playing
through to the metronome, and playing the whole section or piece
over and over. Same for art, you should just draw so many hands
until you can pick out certain things about each one that needs
work. Use references so you know if you're off or not. After a
while of this, when you have the piece memorized down to the
dynamics and accidentals and finger drawing down to a science,
start trying to play the piece as beautifully as you ever
possibly could and start to seek perfection. Once you mess up,
go back and drill on that section and stress playing it
correctly over and over with the metronome, then go back and be
a virtuoso again. Same for art, once you're done sketching hands
forever, make a point to draw several pieces featuring hands or
with some sort of added attention to them.
In all of this, it's important to know that getting better takes
time. A LONG time. Here are some numbers for you.
2 minutes to get the gist of something
25 minutes to get comfortable with it
2 hours to learn it
25 hours to show improvement
250 hours to show further improvement
2500 hours to show further improvement
10,000 hours or 15(?) years to be considered a master at
something.
Also 50 repetitions of something perfectly is enough to memorize
it.*
*short term
Bruce Lee is quoted, saying "I don't fear the man who has
practiced 10000 kicks one time, I fear the man who has practiced
one kick 10000 times."
I should also note that the quality of practice you do
significantly effects the results you see. Pushing yourself to
fix what you know is bad, but not fun to do, can be extremely
tough, but will also show more improvement per unit of effort
than other areas that you consider yourself good at. It's areas
like these that you need to pay your motivation points into.
Being able to leap those hurdles - drawing hands like it's
nobody's business that look awesome, or playing Chopin and
making it look easy - is what can motivate you to go further and
push yourself more to leap the next one. The biggest thing you
have to do it keep chugging away at it. Stop hitting the rock
and it will never break at all. Keep chopping the tree and it
will surely fall.
#Post#: 1185--------------------------------------------------
Re: On finding passion
By: Red Date: September 12, 2013, 5:30 am
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Sorry that I keep performing literary CPR on this thread, but I
like it now because it's like a journal where I can track my
mental progress, which is kindof something I've always wanted
but could never have because I've never had any sort of
extrinsic motivation, and if anyone actually reads the posts, I
hope they're inspiring at the least or something.
So lately, I've been ALL OVER playing music. Back in April or
abouts, I picked up an old Vox AC15 amp. It's small, with only
one 12 inch speaker. (12 inches being standard for guitar amps.)
Voxes are typically renowned for their "chimey" cleans, whatever
that means, but all I know is that it sounds good, even though a
couple sources on the Internet told me that the particular model
of AC15 was complete crap. I initially wanted to spring for an
AC30, which is like the famous big brother to the 15, but alas,
I didn't and don't have $1k to blow. I had the amp around until
recently and liked it, but I hated it first. I only bought the
amp because almost EVERYONE uses a 30 at one point in time, they
just sound so awesomely vintage, and the opportunity presented
itself. Anyhow, I picked it up and I just couldn't seem to dial
in the tone, but a friend of mine insisted that I keep messing
with it and I'm glad she did, because I ended up finding
something to like about it.
Months pass and nothing really changes as far as gear goes, but
I end up rediscovering for the umpteenth time that I have
nowhere in particular to go in life, and then this thread
happens. Eventually, I settle on music and now we're here, but
that's not all of the details. Regarding the decision, I'll have
it be known that I second guess myself to hell. I second guess
myself so much, I ended up thinking that it was a problem, and
once something is a problem, I start searching for a solution,
so I plug into google "Why am I second guessing myself" and the
first thing that comes up is "How to stop second guessing
yourself." It's little things like this that keep me going. I
get the shot of inspiration I need, and then I have to tell
myself to stop questioning it and go, and not leave any regrets
in places where they'll fester.
I concluded that Pierce the Veil could be me, after falling in
love with them back in January. C'mon, if Vic Fuentes can sing,
I can play guitar, but not to put Vic down, because I actually
hold waaaay too much respect for him and his voice.
"Work until your idols become your rivals."
If you follow my tumblr, this gem showed up the other day, and
it was an awesome kick in the ass for me. I needed it without
knowing it. This only confirms for me more that music is what I
should be doing, even despite the countless times I hear about
it from Dale and Kaila yelling at me. I get excited when I hear
stuff like this. Anyhow, so I get excited, and I decided to
start looking for a band. Now I knew my little AC15 couldn't
crank enough for SOMA, not to mention, it didn't produce any
sound close to what I'd want for the post-hardcore genre of PtV,
but I trembled on, and hit up people on Facebook, trying to
reach out to someone for anything to grab on to. What I got was
a shove back into the murky depths of non-gigging musicians, and
I couldn't have been happier. I'm being serious. I got in
contact with this dude who told me to get better gear, which is
something I already knew I had to do anyway, but he TOLD me to
do it, like, another human actually gave me advice for what to
do with my life for once instead of mmhmm-yeah-ing at my
situation and telling me no flat out.
So first things first, I look for things to sell to try and get
new gear, so I run the gamut of things that might be valuable.
The amp was among those things, and so up it goes on Craigslist,
the breakfast of champions and sex. It's listed for like $400 or
something, and then this guy hits me up to trade for an Orange
Tiny Terror and a small cabinet for it, which I would consider
to be a step up in my case. Only a small one, but nonetheless
it's up. That gets done, and I own the amp for LITERALLY THREE
DAYS before trading it for another step up.
So meanwhile while all the Craigslisting is happening, I'm at
work doing nothing as usual, and instead of looking up articles
on simply being inspired to do things, I've since leveled up to
reading up how to do those things I'm inspired to do. I came to
the conclusion not to long ago that I'm going to have to be
obsessed with something before I take on to it and have a desire
to make it my passion, and so I started brushing up on guitar
knowledge and learned a ton. Maybe it took me longer than simply
asking a guitarist who knew it already, but I also proved to
myself that I can teach myself things from the Internet (yay!).
I ended up learning about what gear I'd actually need to get
interested in, so I learned about amps and amp heads and
cabinets and all sorts of things, and settled on some amps that
I would like. The most "metal" sounding of the two, the Peavey
6505, seemed like a bit much for what sound I was going for,
which wasn't quite as distorted. The alternative was a Marshall
JCM2000 (DSL100 model for good measure). It's a classic, staple
of the Marshall family of heads, renowned for being able to dial
in tons of tones and very dynamic in general. I saw two used at
guitar center a couple days before I got my hands on the Orange,
I think, and they had one new one hooked up to a half stack
(four 12-inch speakers, large square cabinet). It was a newer
version of the JCM2k, only labeled DSL100, but it had to do, and
I played it through this red Les Paul (which someone bought
which makes me sad) that had active humbuckers in it and I
almost needed a change of pants, because it was pretty damn
nice. BUT, I acknowledged that I couldn't dial in very good
tones, mostly because it was Guitar Center and I'm not a fan of
being loud in them. Never stopping to let my tongue dry, I
slipped on after I got that Orange, and once again tackled my
fear of talking with people. I listed the amp, but also started
looking at trading it for a JCM. I was strictly looking to trade
both my tiny terror head and cab for the jcm head only and not a
cabinet, and I started emailing some of the people who had ads
up for JCMs. I got hits from like three of them, one of them
telling me that he'd be happy to trade because it just so
happened that the Tiny Terror was just what he was looking for.
I picked up the JCM and the cabinet as well, which was a
surprise, for the Orange set up +$400. It stressed my bank
account an extra $200, but my parents are angels.
Before I had traded the AC15, I had an existential discussion
with Dale during a walk and talked about how I lacked some
direction, but was getting excited about playing music. I
mentioned how this guy had a red paper clip, and one day, he
decided to trade the paper clip for something else which may or
may not have been of considerable value. He ended up more than
several trades later with a deed to a house. He essentially
traded a paper clip for a house. Wat. Anyhow, I mentioned to
Dale that I need to get a red paper clip and go at it. After
coming home with the JCM, I told dale that the 15 may have been
just one red paper clip in a pile of many.
So as time went on, I started playing through the JCM, and every
day I find something else about it that I like. Not only is it a
beautiful amp cosmetically, but it sounds like it has a beating
heart and vocal chords compared to my dinky practice amps. I've
also noted that this thing could easily level a small dog,
seeing as I can't turn any of the volume knobs past 1 without
the room being unpleasant. It makes me feel much better about my
playing, but remains honest to my mistakes. I may as well just
be ampsexual as much as Randy is bikesexual. I don't expect
everyone to like the sound, but from its cleans to its crunch,
it's got a lot of character, straight from Britain from the
1980's.
It's been difficult to talk with people about starting a band.
Everyone has such specific tastes that trying to find someone
here in San Diego specifically that plays the genre I'd like to
play is close to impossible without some give and take. I can
understand that everyone will have stylistic liberties that they
take regardless of what they're playing, but everyone I see just
seems to be like "I wanna just scream all the time with almost
no cleans." Or "I [want to destroy any actual tone my guitar and
amp produce with the use of a gain knob and three overdrive
pedals and six distortion pedals] and [I want to play so loud
that by the end of the show the venue doesn't have a roof
anymore]." and it's hella annoying and alienating. That's why
tonight, in particular, I've considered that maybe I don't have
to wait for other people to get their crap together, and maybe I
should do what Two Door Cinema Club did and play without a
living drummer for two years. I have the resources, so why the
hell shouldn't I use them? Also, maybe playing by myself and
performing with only a laptop will be liberating and give me an
opportunity to increase my writing ability in general. I can see
a lot of good coming out of a situation where most may give up
short of a dream. I have a goal and I believe that it can be
accomplished if I work hard and get better, so that's where I'm
at until further revelation of the universe.
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