DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Pargee M-CKT
HTML https://pargee.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: General Discussion
*****************************************************
#Post#: 915--------------------------------------------------
TREE'S MISADVENTURES IN CANADA
By: A Sexy Tree Date: July 4, 2013, 8:33 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
So it turns out that my hotel room has free wifi which is pretty
great if you ask me. And to think I almost didn't bring my
laptop.
As you all know, I'm in Canada for a week visiting with family
and what not because my grandfather is turning 90. And, as you
all know, I am a magnet for funny occurrences. So I figured I'd
just document my ridiculous Canadian experiences at the end of
each day, for your viewing pleasure! (Note: Not all of these are
funny, they are just observations.)
Starting with a recap of the past two days!
So, yesterday was spent almost entirely travelling - we left my
house at 4:30 am, and took off at 6 am. We got to Chicago 4
hours later, and then had a three hour layover in the Ohare
airport before heading to Montreal. At this airport, there was
this cute little charging station, courtesy of the Marriot hotel
or some such ****. Since we were gonna be there for 3 hours, we
figured what the hay, we'd stay there and charge up all of our
various gizmos.
While there, I asked my mother 'Donde esta la Starbucks?'. And
immediately, the guy working there as a rep of the Marriot goes
'Oh, it's over to the right around the bend.'
My mom turns to him in surprise, and asks him if he speaks
Spanish. In equal surprise, he turns to her and says 'Yes, how'd
you know??'. We both look at him for a second, and my mom goes
'Because my daughter just asked me where the Starbucks was in
Spanish.'
And he just stares at us, and then turns bright red, like 'oh my
god I'm so sorry I didn't even realize I didn't mean to
eavesdrop'. IT WAS SO FUNNY UGH but idk maybe it was one of
those you-had-to-be-there-I'm-dating-Yggdrasil moments.
So then we got to Montreal about 2 hours after the layover ended
and after much hassle finally made it to our hotel and whatnot
at around 10 pm here (7 pm over where ya'll are). Once we
arrived, my cousins came over, and my sister and I went with the
two cousins to the Jazz Festival that's going on here. They had
these AWESOME fire spinners and this one guy with nun chucks and
less awesome jazz influenced rock that wasn't really jazz at all
which made me sad. We then went to get gelato, at like midnight.
Now, most of the people here in Canada are very nice. But there
are also some people with serious attitude. So when we went to
get gelato, the girl wouldn't give us the small size of gelato,
because there was no small cups. There were only medium cups.
And when we asked if we could just get the small scoop in a
medium cup, she looked at us like we were asking her to give us
her virginity or something, I don't even know man. Someone was
having a bad day. I was pretty sure it was geometrically
possible to fit a small scoop in a medium sized container
without much trouble, but hey. Some people have it tough.
Now, as you know, Montreal is the French part of Canada.
Consequently, everyone here speaks French. I can understand
about 80% of the written stuff and 50% of the spoken stuff
because of Spanish. So ever since I've gotten here, I keep
FREAKING REPLYING TO PEOPLE IN SPANISH WHEN THEY TALK TO ME IN
FRENCH. Ugh it's such a hard habit to break my god.
Also let me just explain to you that all of you pronounce
poutine wrong. Ask me to say it for you when I return home.
They have ads on youtube about hockey and they sell maple syrup
and maple syrup flavored candles at clothing stores. Js.
And my last observation for the day.
EVERYONE
LITERALLY EVERYONE
EVERYONE IN CANADA IS BEAUTIFUL AND IT'S SO NOT OKAY
The guys dress nice like they're in Europe, and the girls. They
just. They dress, ok. It's gorgeous. And there's so many
different styles like there's a whole bunch of people who look
like they'd hang at Lestats (you know those people right) and
then they're mingling with the european preps and just ugh. ALSO
I SAW 4 OPENLY GAY COUPLES IN 2 HOURS OF SHOPPING. AND NO ONE
EVEN BLINKED AT THEM. AND TWO PEOPLE WHO WERE SO FREAKING
ANDROGYNOUS I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT GENDER THEY WERE EXCEPT FOR
THE GORGEOUS ONE.
BTW I HOPE YOU ALL KNOW I'M NEVER COMING BACK TO THE US EVER.
#Post#: 916--------------------------------------------------
Re: TREE'S MISADVENTURES IN CANADA
By: MisterCuttlefish Date: July 6, 2013, 1:08 am
---------------------------------------------------------
No wait please
Come back
you have to teach me how to say that thing that you said you
would say
Then go back
But first
take me with you oh god please take me with you
Also please update your
mis[s]ohsweetjesusmarmaladeamazing[/s]adventures when you get
the chance
#Post#: 917--------------------------------------------------
Re: TREE'S MISADVENTURES IN CANADA
By: A Sexy Tree Date: July 6, 2013, 10:19 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
And now, a sleep deprived second installment of Trees continued
misadventures in Canada!
Unfortunately for everyone involved, I have only slept about 3
hours in the past 36 due to an unintentional overdose (not like
OD over dose but like twice the normal amount of a daily med
overdose) and the side effects thereof. So I apologize in
advance if this makes little to no sense.
Let me tell you about how awesome tea time in Canada is. My
sister, grandma, mum, aunt, and I went out for afternoon tea the
day after we arrived. I got a green tea with jasmine and vanilla
extract, and they brought it to me in an awesome antique kettle
and there was a bowl of brown and white sugar cubes and then
they brought trays of food. Holy sh*t. There was little idfk
sandwiches with herbs and flowers and tomatoes and bacon and
more idfk. There was teeny circles of bread with cucumber and
shrimp topped with cucumber jelly, with pate (ewewewew if you
don't know what that is it's chopped liver) and a citrus
chutney, and with smoked salmon and cream cheese. We also got
two scones with clotted cream and apricot spread, macaroons,
balls of caramel filled chocolate, and lastly 5 different types
of mousse in little cups. (There was white chocolate caramel,
cafe chocolat with orange, pineapple, chestnut, and triple
chocolat.) And the absolUTE BEST PART WAS THAT WHILE I WAS
SITTING THERE EATING THIS AMAZINGLY DELICATE MEAL, THE CHEF
WALKS OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
AND HE'S THIS TALL TONED AFRICAN CANADIAN GUY WITH SERIOUS
LONG-*SS DREADS AND SAGGED PANTS AND THE CHEF TOP AND I JUST
aksdhakshfkhasf. Nothing like British tea on the 4th of July.
So anyway flash forward to yesterday. Yesterday I slept in very
late, went to see a movie (The Heat, to be specific, which was
very good), and then went to dinner with my grandparents. All in
all, yesterday wasn't a very exciting day. We did, however, stop
by this cafe that was absolutely amazing and had 6000 different
kinds of cheese cakes and ugh. Anyway, we went inside, and my
mom walks up to the counter and orders herself a coffee in
fluent french. The guy takes her order, ect ect, and then turns
around and in blatant English, goes 'One decaf cappuccino no
whip' or some such thing, and we're just standing there like...
Awkkkkk. Hahaha.
On to today. Today I got up and went on a walk with my aunt and
two of my cousins, and it was very enjoyable. Now, Montreal is a
very urban city, and there are quite a few homeless people on
the streets, which is pretty sad. But Canada. Ohoho, Canada. We
were crossing the street, and there was two homeless people
sitting on the corner in front of us, looking pretty decrepit.
So as I'm sitting there, this guy impeccably dressed in a suit
and carrying some sort of box and a briefcase is power walking
towards us, looking obviously late. He walks quickly by the
homeless people, glances at them, and keeps going.
Three seconds later, he abruptly stops, back tracks, and stands
in front of the two men on the side of the street. He sets down
his briefcase, opens his box, and pulls a f*cking muffin out of
the box. And gives it to one of the guys. Then he pulls out
another muffin and gives it to the other guy. And then, briskly,
closes his box, picks up his briefcase, nods to the two men, and
powerwalks on his way.
God damnit Canada why you so cool.
Later this afternoon my family wandered down to a food place for
eating where we ate poutine and other such amazing Canadian
food, and then went down to the metro. Now, the metro is a
trolley/train this of sorts, as you probably know, that is
underground. But the metro isn't just a metro. There is also a
huge, 4 story walkway filled with stores and restaurants and
booths that spans 8 or 10 blocks. And all of it is underground.
So we wandered most of the way back to the hotel underground,
stopping for some amazing gelato on the way, and that was REALLY
COOL.
So we get out of the underground and as we're walking we see
this girl - obviously American - being filmed by a camera guy.
As she's talking into the camera, she sees a guy behind us and
smiles and says 'Hey, nice shirt!' and then continues on. So I
turn around to see what this awesome shirt is, and this guy. He.
He's freaking. Ahaksfhksfh he's wearing a freaking white tank
top with a huge American flag on it. That's all. That's it.
God damnit America why you be so lame.
LASTLY, this evening we celebrated my grandpa's 90TH FUCKING
BIRTHDAY as a whole family, which as you can imagine was both
great fun and very crazy. So I'm sitting at the dinner table
with two of my uncles, my grandparents, and my father, telling
my family about my martial arts. A fruit fly buzzes by me and
lands on the table near my Uncle Patrik, who is this cute old
French guy from, obviously, France. Uncle Patrik is very quite
because he doesn't actually speak English very well, but he's
cool - I like him. ANYWHO, I raise my hand to smack the fly, and
slowly, ever so slowly, move close to attack... AND SMACK. UNCLE
PATRIK SUDDENLY HITS THE TABLE AND SQUASHES THE FLY BEFORE I
CAN. And then, oh my f*ucking god.
He turns to me, and with a perfectly straight face, in a heavy
French accent, goes
"France, 1. America, 0."
THAT'S IT THAT'S ALL I'M OUT.
*****************************************************