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#Post#: 1257--------------------------------------------------
Sexual Jokes
By: Half-Blood Date: March 7, 2013, 4:50 pm
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If you're in a relationship and sex has got boring, why not try
bondage?
Get your lover, blindfold them, get some rope and chains, tie
them to the bed, then go out and fuck someone else :P
#Post#: 1266--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sexual Jokes
By: Carausius Date: March 8, 2013, 11:32 am
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I went to my doctor recently and told him that I had three
problems
1- I'm into BDSM
2- I'm into Bestilaity
3- I'm into Necrophilia
The doctor turned to me,a very serious expression on his face
and said "looks like you're flogging a dead horse!" :P :D
#Post#: 1267--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sexual Jokes
By: nickygio Date: March 8, 2013, 1:10 pm
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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and
have a dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her
boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make
love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he
takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the
pharmacist it 's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy
for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know
about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the
boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, a 6-pack, or
family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be
rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door.
'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute
passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally,
after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this
religious.'
The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist.'
#Post#: 1271--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sexual Jokes
By: Half-Blood Date: March 8, 2013, 7:35 pm
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What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?
Banned from a petting zoo
#Post#: 1352--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sexual Jokes
By: PsychoBunni Date: March 17, 2013, 8:46 pm
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"Does the carpet match the drapes?"
"What Carpet?"
#Post#: 1353--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sexual Jokes
By: PsychoBunni Date: March 17, 2013, 8:56 pm
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A British guy is walking along the beach, when he comes across a
rather cute girl, who had no arms or legs. She says to him "I've
never been hugged before, all I want is a hug.". So the guy
picks her up, hugs her, puts her back down and walks on.
A little while later, an American comes along, and comes across
the cute girl. She says to him "I've never been kissed before,
all I want is a kiss.". So the guy picks her up, kisses her,
puts her back down and walks on.
A little while after that, a Newfoundlander comes along, and he
too comes across the cute girl. She says to him "I've never been
fucked, all I want to do is get fucked." So he picks her up,
walks to the waters edge, and tosses her in. Then says "Now your
fucked."
#Post#: 1354--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sexual Jokes
By: Aggressivenutmeg Date: March 17, 2013, 9:02 pm
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[quote author=PsychoBunni link=topic=152.msg1353#msg1353
date=1363571760]
A little while after that, a Newfoundlander comes along, and he
too comes across the cute girl. She says to him "I've never been
fucked, all I want to do is get fucked." So he picks her up,
walks to the waters edge, and tosses in. Then says "Now your
fucked."
[/quote]
HTML http://i.imgur.com/ujYvXnv.png
#Post#: 1768--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sexual Jokes
By: wolfman_six Date: April 7, 2013, 7:52 pm
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A man walks up to a vending machine that reads: "Instant
urinalysis: Only $1". So he puts in a dollar and a cup pops out.
After filling the cup and depositing it, a printer feeds out:
"You have a cold. Here's a coupon for DayQuil."
Not believing the machine is for real, he goes home and collects
urine from his dog, teenage daughter and son, and his wife. Then
for good measure, he whacks off and leaves a helping of sperm in
the sample. The next day, he pays his dollar and pours in the
toxic mix. After about 5 minutes of buzzing, the machine prints
out a report.
"Your dog is about to have puppies. The boy has gonorrhea. The
girl has multiple sex partners. The woman is pregnant and it's
not yours. And if you keep jerking off, you'll go blind. Here's
a coupon for poison. You'll need it."
#Post#: 2083--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sexual Jokes
By: Moriskov Date: April 14, 2013, 10:47 pm
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"If a man sleeps with a lot of women, he is known as a stud. If
a women sleeps with a lot of men, she is known as your Mum."
Jimmy Carr
That was hilarious and unexpected when I first saw it.
#Post#: 2087--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sexual Jokes
By: Aggressivenutmeg Date: April 14, 2013, 11:52 pm
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[quote author=Moriskov link=topic=152.msg2083#msg2083
date=1365997626]
Jimmy Carr
[/quote]
I read that as Jimmy Carter.
HTML http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6g3RmfTD4s
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