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#Post#: 227--------------------------------------------------
She Sits
DIR By: Jesslynn
Date: March 29, 2016, 2:25 pm
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She sits
With her fingers curled
Into locks of dark hair
Thoughts heavy
As she weighs the pros and cons
Debating her own worth and
Wondering how she ended up here
How did it get this way
And when did things become so chaotic
Unruly as the curls that frame her round face
She sits
A book with empty pages
Nesting in her lap
And a pencil behind her ear
Because the words won’t come
They must be too busy
Dancing around in her mind
Making her question her own sanity
She sits
Dark eyes narrow with concentration
Taking no time to consider her surroundings
Right now,
Nothing else exists
It is just her and an empty page
Soon to be filled with her burdens
Summed up into pretty words
A facade
#Post#: 228--------------------------------------------------
Re: She Sits
DIR By: SkaaDee
Date: July 21, 2016, 9:40 am
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Hi Jess
The poem has some nice parts, I like the repetition of "She
sits"
and the music these lines make together "Thoughts heavy
As she weighs the pros and cons".
I also like the simile in the last line of the first stanza.
The problem for me is the poem doesn't seem to transcend a mere
description.
When I write something like that I cut certain lines, boil it
down a bit, leave the detail on the darkroom floor.
Let me know if you would like an example.
Scott
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