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Nezumi's feelings on Shion's loss of innocence
By: Vox Date: May 12, 2014, 1:37 pm
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Here’s my take on Nezumi simultaneously wanting and not wanting
Shion to be innocent. I see a lot of contradictions in Nezumi's
actions in the novel, especially regarding Shion. For example,
in the scene where they have an argument and then books fall on
both of them, Nezumi asks if Shion is okay, even though they
were both just yelling at each other.
I think that Nezumi hates Shion’s innocence because he thinks
it’s unrealistic and because he, Nezumi, is no longer innocent
and will never be innocent again. He hates that Shion is able to
remain relatively innocent while living the harsh life the two
share; it probably makes him feel worse about himself, like he’s
defective or something. On the other hand, Shion’s innocence
must be a ray of light to him, because the things that Shion
says are so hopeful. If Shion can maintain his innocence even
after seeing all the terrible things that are in the
Correctional Facility, that would mean that a) he really is as
good of a person as he wants Nezumi to believe he is, and b)
goodness can exist in the world in spite of all odds. That must
be a tempting thought for someone who believes the worst in
everyone, including himself. But at same time as all that,
Nezumi cares for Shion, and he knows that realistically his
innocence can’t last. So he is angry at it because he knows that
sooner or later Shion will be in pain when his worldview is
shattered, and he doesn’t know if either of them can deal with
the fall-out. And, the feeling of futility is incredibly
torturous.
I think that Nezumi didn’t argue with Shion wanting to go to the
Correctional Facility because he had to know what would happen
to Shion’s personality. But he realised when it was too late
that he didn’t want Shion to change. Why didn’t he want Shion to
change? Because Shion as he knew him was a source of hope and
stability. Also, because he loved Shion as he was. The other
thing is, even though he had been expecting it, I think he must
have been disappointed when Shion revealed his aggressive side.
But not disappointed in Shion - disappointed in himself, relying
on Shion so much and putting him on this pedestal. Nezumi made
fun of Shion, but he also idealised him. The problem was that he
didn't understand him either. Hence this big messy mess of
feelings.
When I first watched the anime, before I read the book or the
manga, I actually thought Nezumi left Shion because of this loss
of innocence he saw. Of course, now I know there are lots of
other reasons. But it says a lot that the anime emphasized the
disillusionment between the two of them that happened in the
Correctional Facility to such an extent. I think it's very
important to understanding their interactions, which is why I'm
bringing it up. Anyone else's thoughts?
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