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#Post#: 100--------------------------------------------------
Punniest Issue Yet
By: david090366 Date: May 3, 2015, 2:15 am
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Guys, I swear to god I just got Bohemian Rhapsody as an issue. #
381 Mamma The Confederate State of Missouri, Let Me Go
The Issue
The media is up in arms over the case of Eddie Jupiter, a minor
who is being tried as an adult on suspicion of murder; the case
has sparked a national debate over The Confederate State of
Missouri and youth crime.
The Debate
"He's just a poor boy from a poor family!" pleads Violet
Longbottom, youth welfare activist and rock fan appearing on The
Confederate State of Missouri's most popular morning show.
"Spare him his life from this monstrosity! The government must
not try teens as adults. In fact, you really can't try them at
all; they clearly don't understand the magnitude of their
actions. Maybe if our government gave schools more funding, the
teachers could explain this "don't murder" concept a little
better."
"Don't understand?!" thunders prosecuting attorney John Cho
during one of many press conferences. "Tell that to the victim!
The punk put a gun against his head and pulled the trigger. Now
he's dead! The youth of The Confederate State of Missouri need
to learn to respect the rules of decent society, and the best
way to do that is to impose harsher penalties. Solitary
confinement, public punishment, curfews - the whole works. As
for this kid, lock him and leave him to die."
"I couldn't agree more," muses a major religion representative
Kayla Dovey while proselytizing your staff. "Except the civil
authorities shouldn't be the ones dealing with Jupiter.
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for him, and only true penitence
can save his soul. In fact, better give the true faith power to
punish, er, save all criminals! I find there's no better cure
for a sick soul than public whipping, don't you agree?"
#Post#: 108--------------------------------------------------
Re: Punniest Issue Yet
By: Gallifrean TimeLords Date: May 3, 2015, 7:54 am
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You could really have fun with that one, like:
The case of Eddie Jupiter became a hot topic of discussion
throughout all the states of the NeoConfederate States of
America. At one particular rally, lines were sharply drawn over
the issue as one side chanted, "Bismillah, no! They should not
let him go!" To which the other side quickly replied, "Let him
go!" And back and forth it went.
On the morning news circuits, liberals sided with Eddie, as one
said, "We normally do not hold people responsible for their
actions, and it is no different with Eddie. He was caught in a
landslide. He could not escape his reality." The conservative
pundit retorted, "The problem with these punks is that nothing
really matters; anyone can see. Nothing really
matters...nothing really matters to them."
Government officials were wary of choosing sides. They thought
it best to follow public opinion any way the wind blows.
#Post#: 134--------------------------------------------------
Re: Punniest Issue Yet
By: david090366 Date: May 5, 2015, 5:16 am
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I think I dismissed the issue, so I guess I went with "any way
the wind blows" ;D
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