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       #Post#: 4308--------------------------------------------------
       Does denial have its uses?
   DIR By: agate
       Date: February 8, 2024, 1:21 am
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       Often people with MS seem to be in denial. We're not usually
       denying that we have MS--after all, we've been diagnosed, most
       likely--but we're in denial about how it's affecting us. We
       don't see how slow/lame/ trembly we are even though others might
       be quite aware of it.
       Denial sounds almost like a normal response to a disorder that
       takes away just about everything. We have to go on living and
       managing even though nothing about us is working right, as we
       find out as time passes and the MS is still there, doing its MS
       thing.
       That's pretty hard to accept or even to understand.
       [/size]Me, I'm hearing impaired. Vision wonky. Arms and hands
       very unpredictable. Walking very limited. Frequent falls. Unable
       to sit in most situations except in a wheelchair with a fancy
       special cushion. Bladder and bowels? Don't ask.
       I thought I could still talk at least. Not so much any more.I
       can often do something I want to do, like peel an orange, for a
       minute or less but if I try to peel several oranges,
       particularly if I'm in a hurry--forget about it.
       But why is it that others can be more aware of our limitations
       than we are?
       I think it's because MS makes us numb. We don't feel the
       aberrations happening or even coming on.
       Here's an example. Sometimes I've been just dimly aware of an
       oddly tight sensation in my face, a not very bothersome strange
       feeling. I've never been concerned enough about it, apparently,
       to ask anyone or to consult a mirror, but if I happened to
       glance at a mirror, I've been astonished to find one side of my
       face drooping. It has a withered, very aged look. And it divides
       exactly down the center of my face. It's as if someone had drawn
       a very straight line between the two halves of my face.
       It's not surprising if sometimes we're in denial. For us,
       there's often nothing to deny because we're not even aware that
       there's a problem--until of course it's too late, and we've
       fallen because we didn't feel the muscle weakness coming on, or
       we drop something important because we were unaware that our
       hands were shaking.Maybe it's not so much denial as a numb
       unawareness. We're having functions taken away--maybe "whipped
       away" would be a better phrase, for sometimes they can disappear
       with no prior warning--without our knowledge, quite
       often.[size=3]
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