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#Post#: 549--------------------------------------------------
A drive to the park(denied)
By: bob123f Date: November 30, 2012, 10:09 pm
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It's 6:30 in the afternoon. Me and my family are driving
speedily towards a park. But not just any park. My favorite
park. Muir Woods. As we drive, I see the hulking figures of
ancient redwoods stand taller than most buildings. I see the
Pacific Ocean covered in a thick, misty, fog. 15 minutes later
we arrive. The air is cool and refreshing. Tourists take
pictures of the forest, and whales spout in the distance. As we
start to walk, my little brothers run around with immense
agility around me. The mist swirls around in the air, cloaking
the forest into a white veil of mystery. I spot a couple of
banana slugs on the side of the trail, and tell my mom to take a
picture. 10 minutes in, we are 2/3 through. The fog has begun to
clear up, and the sun has begun to set. I can now see the tops
of some trees. We come upon a fallen log-inhabited by insects
and arachnids of all sorts. My brothers, being fascinated with
such creatures, stop and peer into the cracks. The sun has
finally set, and I feel a calm sensation within me that
dignifies my love of the woods. On the way back, we see the
green ocean glistening like an emerald. What a day. I wonder
what's for dinner?
#Post#: 564--------------------------------------------------
Re: A drive to the park
By: michaelrd Date: December 1, 2012, 8:37 am
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Denied. Sorry. One major thing that I noticed was that you said
you were in a car and the next second your brothers were running
around you with immense agility. You didn't mention anything to
link those events. Also, I noticed that you did not have a
problem, solution, or a true main idea. It was more of a
description. It needs to be a story, not a description. You can
release your next application in 2 weeks.
#Post#: 566--------------------------------------------------
Re: A drive to the park(denied)
By: bob123f Date: December 1, 2012, 9:15 am
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Is it possible to stop sending applications? I'm sort of glad
mine didn't make it. Being a writer would have created too much
pressure...
#Post#: 576--------------------------------------------------
Re: A drive to the park(denied)
By: michaelrd Date: December 1, 2012, 12:08 pm
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Alright, I won't send you any applications like soldier or
anything like that.
#Post#: 592--------------------------------------------------
Re: A drive to the park(denied)
By: blackmustangs075 Date: December 1, 2012, 2:32 pm
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[quote author=michaelrd link=topic=87.msg564#msg564
date=1354372649]
Denied. Sorry. One major thing that I noticed was that you said
you were in a car and the next second your brothers were running
around you with immense agility. You didn't mention anything to
link those events. Also, I noticed that you did not have a
problem, solution, or a true main idea. It was more of a
description. It needs to be a story, not a description. You can
release your next application in 2 weeks.
[/quote] I agree with this statement, but you do have talent.
#Post#: 1320--------------------------------------------------
Re: A drive to the park(denied)
By: blackmustangs075 Date: December 12, 2012, 5:40 pm
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Locking this topic.
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