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#Post#: 3310--------------------------------------------------
The flood (application)
By: Ryanrider Date: January 11, 2013, 1:47 pm
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As I woke up, I casually walked over to the sofa, stretched
back, turned on the news. I was awfully relaxed untill....I
heard a huge splash outside! I rushed to the window to see the
yard full of water. I heard yet another splash, this time from
the garden! I dashed over to the window, it was even worse, the
entire garden was fully water-logged and was filling rapidly!
How could I relax.now! We were all dashing here and there untill
the television flickered to life.
"News just in, the entire town is being flooded heavily, cars
are crashing about and everything!" That was it!? I had to do
something, luckily I had sandbag with me, I thought to myself
"this will do it" I shoved the sandbags outside, just as I
hoped, the sand was dissintegrating into the water making it
seem solid, as it kept dissolving into the water, I eventually
produced a perfect solution!
I pickded up the solution and slid it down the slope of the
town. Just as I hoped, they crashed jnto the cause of the flood
and turned the lake into solid solution, my town was safe and
back to its normal self.
The end
#Post#: 3312--------------------------------------------------
Re: The flood (application)
By: bob123f Date: January 11, 2013, 1:53 pm
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This seems sort of dull. I'm not one to judge, as that's mainly
BM075's job. There could have been much more thrill and horror
in it such as: "I looked outside the window and saw the lifeless
bodies of my mother and father floating softly along the water,
and as their cold, terror-stricken eyes met mine, I knew that
they were gone." This is just an example. Still, I could never
do something this good.
#Post#: 3313--------------------------------------------------
Re: The flood (application)
By: bob123f Date: January 11, 2013, 1:53 pm
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Anyways, 6.5/10.
#Post#: 3314--------------------------------------------------
Re: The flood [ Denied :/ ]
By: blackmustangs075 Date: January 11, 2013, 1:59 pm
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I'm sorry, but this is denied. I liked the idea, and you do have
potential. As bob stated above, it was kind of dull. You said
things like "How could I relax now?" Well, how can you? Be
descriptive. Don't just say the water flooded the town, describe
it. "Water rapidly filled the streets. I could hear screams of
terror coming from people who once crowded the entire block."
The goal is to use Sensory Language, which are words that appeal
to the five senses (Touch, Taste, Sight, Sound, Smell). If you
can make the reader visualize everything that is happening, your
written work will be more interesting. Your next writing
application can be as early as 1/25/13, but no earlier.
P.S. Bob, you should try out to be a writer. You sound like you
know what you're saying :) Lol
#Post#: 3315--------------------------------------------------
Re: The flood (application)
By: Ryanrider Date: January 11, 2013, 2:05 pm
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Ok, thanks I'll keep that in mind
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