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#Post#: 2046--------------------------------------------------
My writer app [un-finished which is why it's here]
By: Ryanrider Date: December 17, 2012, 3:28 am
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Anyway, my app time isn't finished yet. Well I've planned it,
I'm just gonna keep it here until it's time.
Night of the dead: chapter 1- highway murder
Yet again, here I was, strolling down the highway with my
friends, like all normal guys do, but we were very bored, we
were literally kicking around cans and bottles along the
pavement, boring day indeed. I looked at the clock, it was only
quarter to eleven, I wasn't allowed back in the house until
mid-day, but wait, the chimes were going off, it was ringing for
the hour, what time was it? Was the clock slow? What was
happening? The chimes began, 1...2...3? Apparently it was
3:00am! How? It was 10:45pm! This was impossible! As the chimes
sped up frantically, I heard screaming behind me!
When I turned round, I discovered my friends on the floor,
drenched in blood, like dead rats, except the only difference
was, they weren't rats, they were dead. What happened? Who did
it? Would I ever find out? Who knows...
If this is too short, tell me and I'll add chapter 2 on top of
it.
Chapter2- the awakening
We were surrounded by coppers and paramedics yelling at me to
get away, I just couldn't! They were my friends, I wasn't going
to leave them alone to rot and disintegrate in the street. I let
the paramedic examine them, but I stayed next to him,
eventually, he discovered the source of the kill, a bite? Is
that it! A bite!? I was furious, my friends killed by a bite, I
shoved the laramedic away and looked for myself, he was right,
they both had huge wounds in their sides with bite marks, was
this even possible? I examined them some more, when all of a
sudden....... They began to twitch their hands (quick note- you
know where this is headed if you play the walking dead) then
their heads until, they lashed out at me, they just lost it!
They were attacking everyone, I dashed to safety, carefully I
watched what they were up to; they were jumping onto each
officer, eating them?! Seriously, now they were coming for me! I
ran towards an alley, it was gloomy and dark, I didn't know
where I was going. A dead end, I had nowhere to go! As they
approached, I reached put for a shotgun, fired but went straight
through! How? Only one option was left, run! I dashed through
them punching and lashing out my legs, I had to get back and
when I did, I was safe, or was I......
#Post#: 2086--------------------------------------------------
Re: My writer app [un-finished which is why it's here]
By: Ryanrider Date: December 17, 2012, 10:20 am
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[quote author=bob123f link=topic=213.msg2072#msg2072
date=1355757880]
Hmmm... why weren't you allowed in the house at midday? And when
you said that your friends were drenched with blood, like dead
rats, except the only difference was, they weren't rats? They
were dead. Too much commas in the previous sentence. Also, you
spent too much time on the subject of THE time. You need better
transitions between subjects. Finally, where's the highway in
this story? This is just my opinion. But anyways, other than
that, it was a decent story. Try to think of a really, really,
really creepy horror story and write it down. Like an alien
abduction, or a zombie apocalypse. Something that has suspense
and horror. Thrill and terror. Lol. I Guess I sort of just
reviewed your story...
Conclusion:
Storyline:
6/10
Punctuation:
8/10
Paragraph Structure:
5/10
Overall: 6.5/10
Genre:
I'm guessing horror
[/quote]
Did you even read the beginning
Chapter 1- it's not going to be instantly thrilling, is it? -_-
#Post#: 2095--------------------------------------------------
Re: My writer app [un-finished which is why it's here]
By: bob123f Date: December 17, 2012, 1:16 pm
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Okay, I change it:
8/10.
#Post#: 2115--------------------------------------------------
Re: My writer app [un-finished which is why it's here]
By: jack216 Date: December 17, 2012, 3:39 pm
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I can't judge, It's sad...
#Post#: 2120--------------------------------------------------
Re: My writer app [un-finished which is why it's here]
By: blackmustangs075 Date: December 17, 2012, 3:44 pm
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Keep in mind that you have a limit to the amount you can write
in an application. Applications are meant to be short stories.
You may make a full-length story once you become a writer.
#Post#: 2142--------------------------------------------------
Re: My writer app [un-finished which is why it's here]
By: bob123f Date: December 17, 2012, 5:04 pm
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[quote author=Royal King link=topic=213.msg2122#msg2122
date=1355780763]
???
[/quote] Lol. Jack, you should apply to be a writer.
#Post#: 2184--------------------------------------------------
Re: My writer app [un-finished which is why it's here]
By: Ryanrider Date: December 18, 2012, 3:49 am
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That's the thing, I'm more into long stories, it's very hard for
me to do a short one, perhaps I'll do an prologue. Nah
#Post#: 2195--------------------------------------------------
Re: My writer app [un-finished which is why it's here]
By: blackmustangs075 Date: December 18, 2012, 2:01 pm
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Lol, I'm not good at short stories either.
#Post#: 2199--------------------------------------------------
Re: My writer app [un-finished which is why it's here]
By: michaelrd Date: December 18, 2012, 3:00 pm
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A chapter? Way too short. Denied.
#Post#: 2252--------------------------------------------------
Re: My writer app [un-finished which is why it's here]
By: Ryanrider Date: December 19, 2012, 5:42 am
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It's not posted as an app yet Michael also thanks for saying its
too short, I'll add chapter 2 as well.
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