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#Post#: 6957--------------------------------------------------
Chuck Norris Jokes
By: arceus1591 Date: March 17, 2013, 7:25 pm
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Do you know any good Chuck Norris jokes?
Chuck Norris doesn't flush, he scares the **** out of the
toilet.
There is no life on Mars because Chuck Norris was there.
#Post#: 6964--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
By: KiratS555 Date: March 17, 2013, 7:45 pm
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If you cant do it Chuck Norris Can
#Post#: 6966--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
By: Orange Date: March 17, 2013, 7:50 pm
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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong
phone.
#Post#: 6971--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
By: arceus1591 Date: March 17, 2013, 8:08 pm
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The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck
Norris.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such
thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity... Twice.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see
Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good
looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in
the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates
irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it
coming. They now play poker the second Wednesday of every
month.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night he checks his closet
for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop
the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all
three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head
exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no
signs of life there.
They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it
wouldn't take shit from anybody.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied,
"Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of
his name cured this mans blindness. Sadly the first, last, and
only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered
by Chuck Norris.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck
Norris allows to live.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart
Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his
foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed
Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie down.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck
Norris out. It failed miserably.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish
of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the
following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness
of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through
a car windshield.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72...
and they're all poisonous.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two
seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he
roundhouse kicks you in the face.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to
attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three
moves.
Chuck Norris can win a game of chess in only one move... a
roundhouse kick to the face.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck
Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent
the first 55 minutes having sex with his waitress.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims
before they died? His shoe.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has
breathed on.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a
game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a
suicide.
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows
and the butter comes straight out.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is
for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that
the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be
handicapped if you park there.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II"
video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button
caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this
"glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will
roundhouse you in the face.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely
based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second
grade.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his
finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a
spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered
the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a
temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically
claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks
aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by
historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a
Chucktatorship.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck
Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it
out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like
Chuck Norris.
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a
locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound...
yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg
uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where
and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your
DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch
their heads and scream.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game
Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the
entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
#Post#: 6974--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
By: Superior Date: March 17, 2013, 8:13 pm
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Wow. Nice copy and paste:P
#Post#: 6981--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
By: KiratS555 Date: March 17, 2013, 8:28 pm
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[quote author=Superior link=topic=1041.msg6974#msg6974
date=1363569219]
Wow. Nice copy and paste:P
[/quote]
Your wrong arceus is Chuck Norris's sidekick so he knows
everything, just we never here of arceus because he is
undercover as air.
#Post#: 6994--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
By: Superior Date: March 18, 2013, 3:03 am
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[quote author=KiratS555 link=topic=1041.msg6981#msg6981
date=1363570113]
[quote author=Superior link=topic=1041.msg6974#msg6974
date=1363569219]
Wow. Nice copy and paste:P
[/quote]
Your wrong arceus is Chuck Norris's sidekick so he knows
everything, just we never here of arceus because he is
undercover as air.
[/quote]
:O Come to think of it that sounds about right.
#Post#: 7030--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
By: arceus1591 Date: March 18, 2013, 3:15 pm
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[quote author=Superior link=topic=1041.msg6994#msg6994
date=1363593827]
[quote author=KiratS555 link=topic=1041.msg6981#msg6981
date=1363570113]
[quote author=Superior link=topic=1041.msg6974#msg6974
date=1363569219]
Wow. Nice copy and paste:P
[/quote]
Your wrong arceus is Chuck Norris's sidekick so he knows
everything, just we never here of arceus because he is
undercover as air.
[/quote]
:O Come to think of it that sounds about right.
[/quote]
God damnit, you shouldn't have known about that...
#Post#: 7033--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
By: Superior Date: March 18, 2013, 3:19 pm
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These crack me up :D
#Post#: 7040--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
By: Mr.Aman455 Date: March 18, 2013, 3:26 pm
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[quote author=Superior link=topic=1041.msg7033#msg7033
date=1363637949]
These crack me up :D
[/quote]
No they Crack me up xD
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