DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Manga Mavericks
HTML https://mangamavericks.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Develop Your Story
*****************************************************
#Post#: 563--------------------------------------------------
Art Is More Real Than Reality
By: senpai Date: April 14, 2016, 5:32 am
---------------------------------------------------------
"W-What?! What is THIS?!"
"My... ART!"
*a day before*
"Really, why I can't draw it properly, this dream was too real
to be just a dream. I remember parts of it, but I can't draw
it!" Said Satouro to himself.
"Uh, I give up! I'll continue work..." He said with an upset
face.
"Satouro!" A voice yelled from the floor below.
"Yes boss!" Yelled Satouro.
"Come here, we need to talk" Yelled again the voice that was
Satouro's boss voice.
Satouro opened the door and get down stairs.
"Yes?" Asked Satouro confused.
"Here you are. A 24 years old guy that sitting and drawing every
day all the day." Said the boss with a smile on his face.
"Of course, it's my job." Said Satouro still trying to
understand why his boss called him to his office.
"You know, this compeny was mine 20 years, but all this years I
never had such a high spirit worker like you." He said with a
big smile on his face.
"T-Thank you... I guess..." Satouro said.
"But, let's get to work. In the last three days you made less
chapters to the manga than usuall. I want to know if something
happened."
"Nothing happened!" Said Satouro trying to hide the dream.
"Well, if you say so. get back to work." Said the boss.
Satouro went back to his room and start drawing.
without relize, the time past and Satouro find himself ending
the last page of the chapter and than he heard his friend, Ki,
calling him from the other side of the door.
"Satouro, it's time to go home." Ki said.
"Uh, already? I didn't even noticed." Satouro said while
organizing his stuff.
Satouro get out from his room and started go back to his home
with Ki.
Satouro got back to his room, he was so tired. He went his
bathroom and started to brush his teeth.
"Here you are again, the blue eyes and the black messy hair.
Well, no surprise but i would love some change..." Satouro said
to himself.
Satouro went to his bed and felt asleep very fast.
*In the morning*
"Uh... Again? What with that dream?" He asked himself.
Satouro looked on the room, but it wasn't his room. It wasn't
the stone room he knew, the entire room was made by wood.
"What is that?!" He Yelled.
"Uh? Satouro? Did you wake up?" Said girlly voice fromhis left.
"Ah... Yes..." After one second he relized that he doesn't know
the girl.
She was a girl in his age, she had brown har and purple eyes.
"Who... Are you? Where am I? How do you know my name?" He asked
trying to not freak out.
"You don't remember your girlfriend?" She asked with a smile.
"I... No..." He said confused.
"Uh? That's wierd. I guess I need to present myself. My name is
Maki Kamatsu, your girlfriend. I'm 23 years old. You are on the
city "Taroike" but everyone call this city "Taro"."
"I'm not in Tokyo?!" He asked.
"What's Tokyo?" Asked Maki.
"City... In... The... World..." He asked while he understood
that he isn't on Earth anymore.
"Hurry, get ready, I made food." She said and ran to the
kitchen.
Satouro got up, he looked out of the hole that should be a
window and looked.
"N-No way" He said.
"This... THIS is what i saw in the dream... No! It's my art!"
Chapter 1 END.
#Post#: 565--------------------------------------------------
Re: Art Is More Real Than Reality
By: guest4 Date: April 15, 2016, 2:11 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Do you intend to turn this into a novel or into a manga ?
Because the way it is formatted , I can't really tell . Decide
on the chosen end-medium (finished product) you want to pursue &
do some study on it to get a better understanding on how to
create one that fits such criteria .
Also , for a starting chapter , an introduction , it's very
short . Because of that , it suffers from blandness (Hook value)
& pacing issue . Flesh it out a lot more , is all I can say .
The lack of backstory , setting & a summary/synopsis means that
I as a reader can't understand it as a whole , even if there's a
title for it & you're basing off of it . Provide them if you got
any before you can get a much more better , in-detail
feedback/critique .
#Post#: 574--------------------------------------------------
Re: Art Is More Real Than Reality
By: Orchid Date: April 16, 2016, 1:42 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I think bits a nice story but it doesn't sound like Japanese
characters talking. More like Americans or Westerners. Do they
have to be Japanese?
#Post#: 575--------------------------------------------------
Re: Art Is More Real Than Reality
By: senpai Date: April 17, 2016, 2:38 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Thank you for the comment.
First, it's just the cocept buildindg, the open chapter didn't
actully end, buy i wanna see what other people think about this
start point.
anyway, they don't have to be japanise but i just think the
names are cool.
#Post#: 576--------------------------------------------------
Re: Art Is More Real Than Reality
By: guest4 Date: April 18, 2016, 5:34 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Okay , I'll give you a quick feedback on this .
The chapter itself is definitely too raw to be called completed
yet . Like I've mentioned before , it has the bones but not the
meat . But even then the bone is rather brittle & it requires
some more reinforcing . For start , personally , the way this
story starts off is very sudden as there's lack of proper story
introduction (again , mentioned in my third paragraph in my last
post) . I don't know who're those characters you've introduced
in the story , nor what is the story is about in the first place
- I was thrown right in the middle of nowhere .
Also , this story can be further extended & that ending you
currently had is suffering from a bad cliffhanger . Keep
expanding the chapter as I feel that I feel that it's not done
yet in accomplishing a proper introductory for the story itself
. Also , study more on how to make an effective end chapters so
that you can maximize the impact of the story as a whole . Oh ,
one last thing , remember to have an estimated page count you
want each chapter to have & keep all chapter page count
consistent by keeping the variance as small as possible (below
10 would be good) .
[quote author=senpai link=topic=69.msg575#msg575
date=1460921888]
anyway, they don't have to be japanise but i just think the
names are cool.[/quote]
Try not to make use of it's 'cool' factor as a reason to use
them when it does not has these to support the need to have one
- cultural background & lineage , country & setting of origin ,
the composition & type of population the character resides &
historical backing .
Unless you're making use of fantasy as a genre & constructing a
society from the ground up , keep things consistent . If your
story setting is that of a middle-eastern type , make use of
middle-eastern names & have some sort of historical & cultural
accuracy to back it up - do research on empires , old & new like
Arabian , Ottomans , Persians , Turkish etc. , same must be done
if you intend to go for Japanese names . Slapping names on them
leaves a really bad taste to the readers & gives off an
impression that the story is somewhat 'weaboo'-ish .
*****************************************************