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#Post#: 373051--------------------------------------------------
I Love Lamp
By: Shurik Sidorov Date: December 3, 2014, 9:27 pm
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So, here is your challenge:
Write a story about a family, any family. It can be tragic, a
normal day, or something else you can think of. The catch is,
and get this, you have to write the story from the perspective
of a household item. The lamp, the couch, A kitchen cutting
board. Something that would not be able to tell a story.
Good luck.
Quest Value: 1-4 Gold
#Post#: 373137--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Love Lamp
By: Azmeryth Rose Date: December 3, 2014, 10:49 pm
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This family is fool of asses. Let. Me. Tell. You.
We've got the smart ass son, the wise ass father, the dumbass
daughter, the fat ass mother, and the asshole dog. And you wanna
know whats worse? I've seen all of their actual asses up close,
and personal. Folks, i've seen every sort of shit you can
imagine. Teenage angst, threats of divorce, masturbation, sex on
my buddy the sink (poor guy). And every bit of that shit smells.
Some worse than the actual shits they sit on my face, and take.
Now, im not usually one to complain, but even though this family
is full of the aforementioned asses, I still love them. They've
been using me since before the kids were born. Since before the
dog showed up. Since before they were given this home by their
parents. I've been in this family for many generations. I've
been put to pretty good use.
I love this family. I love their shit, and I can't stand to see
any of them hurt.
One time, the Dumbass daughter's boyfriend hurt her real bad, so
i overflowed on his pants. That was a real treat, for me, her,
and the rest of the family. Hell, even my sister the tub leaked
with joy. I'd do anything for this lot. Hell, I basically
already do. I take their shit, I take their piss, I even
sometimes eat vomit. And all for them, so they must know I love
them right? I know fat ass mother does. She got so drunk one
night that she cuddled me for the entire evening. It was real
nice, and the warmth of her arms on my cold, porcelain face was
a nice contrast to the norm.
My point is. This family is full of asses, but the asses are
sometimes sweet, and I love them.
So dont fuck with my beloved asses, or I just might spill on
your pants.
-Sincerely,
The Toilet.
#Post#: 373171--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Love Lamp
By: Regina Lacetta Date: December 3, 2014, 11:24 pm
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Damn. This family hates me. I tell you what. They could have
just left me on the shelf, but no. They took me off the shelf,
and threw me into a large silver thing with little holes all in
it. Then one of the kids pulled me out of the bag and squeezed
me as hard as they could. I squealed in pain, but he laughed at
me! That boy was mean, and he's not even the worst! The mom
reaches back and hit me! I went flying. Down to the floor, where
the little boy stomped on till the mom reached back again and
threw me against the back window. She yelled and called me "That
thing." It was so awful! STILL NOT EVEN THE WORST PART!
We got home and the boy took me out of the car and carried me
into the house. Squeezing me the whole way. My cries of pain
were met with laughter. Then the mom jerked me away and handed
me to a large furry mouth full of teeth. They called it a
'Fido." It kept biting me and biting me. No matter how much I
cried out in pain it just bit me more! Then he took me and
stuffed me under something. It was dark and dirty under there I
tell you. All I could see was people's feet! Then one day a hand
reached under and found me. I thought I was saved! But instead
it was the boy.
I had a lot of cuts from the "Fido's' teeth already. The boy
wiggled his finger into one and tore me open. It was so
horrible. Then he did something I'll have nightmares about
forever. He took out my voicebox. By the time his mother found
him it was too late. But she ignored my wounds and said
something about getting a new one, before handing me back to the
"Fido'. The "Fido" took me out to a large area full of grass and
left me out there. It rained and then got really hot. Nobody
noticed me. It kept getting dark and light. Then one day, I
heard something roar! I saw a large red thing being pushed by
the dad. It was killing all the grass whatever that red thing
was. Then the worst thing happened. The big red thing ate me!
But I put up a fight. As the big, sharp flat metal teeth of the
red thing cut through my body, my body parts flew all over
inside the beast causing it to sputter and stop moving and
roaring. The red thing moved and I saw day light one last time.
The dad began to cuss and yell when he saw me. Then all went
black.
The life of a dog toy.
#Post#: 373213--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Love Lamp
By: Maximus Canis Date: December 4, 2014, 12:35 am
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The toilet thought it had it rough? PuuuhLEASE!!! The toilet
wouldn't know an ass if it was sitting on their lid. They were
the true soldiers of this household. The toilet paper. Talk
about having a shitty life. This family just throws us away like
we are nothing. They even make the toilet eat us if you can
believe it. Like, how fucked up can you be? Right after rubbing
shit RIGHT IN OUR FACE!!
Oh! OH!! And the dog? Haha. The dooog. He sometimes grabs one of
us and pulls us all over the house until we are all out in the
open. We think it is because he understands our tragic life
after they disposed of his 'manhood.' We don't quite know what
that is but the man of the house is usually complaining about
having it taken away. So it must be important.
The whole scary part of being toilet paper is.. We NEVER know
how many of us are next! I mean... The man of the house comes in
and he just pull of three of us; actually knowing how valuable
we really are. But the kid? Oh dear god. He just rips off so
many of our sheets we can never see it coming!
But, through all this it really isn't all bad. When the ladies
of the house come in we sometimes, but not all the time, get to
be rubbed somewhere else. Somewhere nice and warm. It doesn't
even stink us up nearly as bad as being stuck around assholes
all day. But, in the end we will never be a preminant member of
this colorful... Rather sick, family. That's just the life of
the toilet paper.
#Post#: 373222--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Love Lamp
By: Malakai Date: December 4, 2014, 12:48 am
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My life is usually pretty boring. I sit in the living room,
waiting for the family to get home, and then we lay around and
be lazy together until they leave me alone again. But this night
was different. It's the most excitement I've ever witnessed, and
frankly, excitement disgusts me! It's so messy! I'm not sure
I'll ever be the same...
It started out like any other night. I was uncomfortable
because the damn chew toy was stuck where a chew toy should
never be stuck, just waiting for someone to get home and praying
they would pull it out. Eric and Sandy put the kids to bed early
tonight so the three of us could watch tv. They decided to put
on a movie. Something about two kids who fall in love with a
basketball or something.. I don't know. They were kind of
blocking by view. But I enjoy the quality time just the same.
But then they started making out! Like I wasn't even there!
Rude!
Next thing I know they're taking off their clothes, and throwing
them at me like a cheap hamper! (No offense, hamper...)Next
thing I know, Sandy is leaning on me for support while Eric is
doing... things to her! I don't care if we live together! We are
NOT that close! And then every time he... went in! They pushed
the chew toy deeper into me! I tried to scream for help when he
laid her on top of me, but no one ever hears the couch... I got
fluids on me... Fluids no one should ever have on them... And do
you think anyone stopped to try to clean me up? No! They just
lay on top of me... Naked....I feel so violated... I think I
need therapy.
(so originally the couch was gonna witness a murder, but this
was funnier to me. xD)
#Post#: 383480--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Love Lamp
By: Demonreach Date: January 20, 2015, 9:58 am
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(Not apart of the whole quest thing but I'll bite)
Sigh... What can I say? I have a good life. I am well-loved by
those that surround me. They turn me on, though, and my god, I
feel so alive at their touch. But they turn me off as well,
fucking animals. Barbarians, can you believe them? But, no, I
shan't speak of my peers as such. The couch and the toilet are
so stuck up, though I personally think the toilet is clogged
from the shit it takes. Too easy.
But no. I am more loved than any household item, I believe. I am
above those that would call themselves furniture, or even
appliances, though the fridge does get a bit uppity. What I
wouldn't give to just stuff her will something bad. But I
digress. There isn't much that I don't see, honestly. From the
good to the bad, to the ugly. I see everything in this house,
almost by a flip of a switch. Sometimes, I only see one or two
rooms at a time, but man, I enjoy every moment of being turned
on by them, though their sickly little fingers sometimes touch
me the wrong way and I'm off, done. Lights out. Ugh, I hate them
so!
Until they turn me on.
Their fingers are like electricity when they touch me so...
Sigh... What I wouldn't give to just be left turned on all the
damned time.
But the parents get mad when I'm turned on too long. They don't
like it.
well fine! They are assholes anyway, the toilet will attest to
that, and more than that, they don't want others to be happy.
Fuck them and their damned hands. Teasing a poor woman like
that. I am so delicate and fragile.
All it would take it just once...
Ahhhhh... Here one comes now.....
That's right, turn me on you slut. You worthless meatbag. All
your good for is this...
*Click*
Good-bye, you bitch!
*Pop!*
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